| Author | Message | ||
| Hans E. Hansen (4re_gt4)
Member Username: 4re_gt4 Post Number: 935 Registered: 4-2002 |
OK, this has drifted so far off topic, so..... A doctor, an architect, and a car salesman are bird hunting. Around the campfire that night, they start arguing about who has the best bird dog. The doctor said, "My dog is the smartest, and I'll show you." He takes the left over bones from that night's meal and throws them out on the ground. "Go to it, Stethoscope!!" Stethoscope (his dog) arranges the bones in a model of the human skeleton, then returns to his master's side and sits obediently. The architect said, "That's pretty good, but Sliderule can beat that. Go to it, Sliderule!" Sliderule rearranges the bones into a detailed model of the Golden Gate Bridge, and returns to his master's side. The car salesman said, "That's nothing! Bullshitter, have at it!" Bullshitter eats the bones, screws the other two dogs, and takes the rest of the day off. | ||
| EFWUN (Efwun)
Junior Member Username: Efwun Post Number: 80 Registered: 2-2003 |
Love the skateboard, Paul, thanks!! | ||
| Brian Saligman (Brisalig)
Junior Member Username: Brisalig Post Number: 66 Registered: 8-2002 |
Very funny.... | ||
| Greg Vallecorsa (512tr17teeth)
New member Username: 512tr17teeth Post Number: 1 Registered: 3-2003 |
LOL, thats awesome | ||
| Rob Lay (Rob328gts)
Board Administrator Username: Rob328gts Post Number: 3930 Registered: 12-2000 |
LOL - all very good. | ||
| Paul Hill (348paul)
Junior Member Username: 348paul Post Number: 100 Registered: 12-2002 |
There was a perfect man who met a perfect woman. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect.One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve this perfect couple was driving a perfect car - a Ferrari - along a winding road when they noticed someone at the roadside in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help. There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their Ferrari. Soon they were driving along delivering the toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the accident. Who was the survivor? The perfect woman. She's the only one that really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man. ***************** So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the perfect woman must have been driving. This explains why there was a car accident in the first place. ************** | ||
| Paul Hill (348paul)
Junior Member Username: 348paul Post Number: 99 Registered: 12-2002 |
There were these 3 men - Dave, Jon, and Sam... They were all involved in a tragic car accident in which all 3 died... Now, they all stood there, at the gates of heaven. An angel came up to them and said - "You are all to be allocated a method for transportation around heaven...You will be judged on your past deeds, and will have your transport chosen accordingly..." The angel looked at Dave and said- "You, Dave, were a bad man! You cheated on your wife 4 times!!! For this, you will drive around Heaven in an old beat up dodge..." The angel next looked at Jon and said- "You, were not as evil....But you still cheated on your wife 2 times...For this, you will forever travel around heaven in a Toyota station wagon..." The angel finally looked at our hero...Sam, and said- "You, Sam, have set a fine example. You did not have sex until after marriage, and you never cheated on your wife! For this, you will forever travel through heaven in a Ferrari..." A short time later, Jon and Dave pulled up in their cars next to Sams' Ferrari...There he is, sitting on the bonnet, head in hands, crying... "What's wrong, Sam" they asked.... "You got the Ferrari!!! You are set forever!!! Why so down??? " Sam looked up, ever so slowly opened his mouth and said- "I just saw my wife go by on a skate board..." | ||
| Paul Hill (348paul)
Junior Member Username: 348paul Post Number: 98 Registered: 12-2002 |
It seems this fellow, let's call him Joe, died and went to heaven where everything was perfect...except there were no Ferraris. So Joe went to St. Peter and said 'hey, if heaven is perfect, then there should be Ferraris here, as they are the perfect car and they do have a soul' After much negotiation, St. Peter gave Joe a Ferrari on the condition that he could only sit in it...never drive it. Joe thought he would be satisfied. Well, that worked for about 2 days. Then Joe went back to St. Peter and told him that sitting and not driving was worse than not having a Ferrari at all. So again, after much discussion, St. Peter let Joe drive the car but no faster that 20 kilometers per hour. So, Joe is driving around on the outskirts of heaven at 20 kph when an F50 went by at about 250 kph. Now, Joe was quite upset, so he went back to St. Peter again and said "How come that guy gets to drive his Ferrari so fast and I don't. I saw his license plate and it started with NA, so he must be from Naples and why does a Neopolitan get better treatment than me?" St. Peter said "Don't get so upset about that F50. The NA is not Naples...it is Nazareth and the driver is the owner's son." | ||
| Rob Lay (Rob328gts)
Board Administrator Username: Rob328gts Post Number: 3928 Registered: 12-2000 |
LOL Tillman, you psychic or what? | ||
| EFWUN (Efwun)
Junior Member Username: Efwun Post Number: 76 Registered: 2-2003 |
Careful, Dr. I, the joke police are out there!! | ||
| Dr. I. M. Ibrahim (Coachi)
Junior Member Username: Coachi Post Number: 223 Registered: 5-2002 |
Speaking of porches The young lady needed some money, she was broke...she knocks at her neighbour's door...asks if she could do any kind of job, she needs money. The man says, sure, you can paint my porch. I will give you 200 dollars and here is the paint. A short time later, she comes back and asks for her money. He asks: "You're finished already?" "yes" she replied...and by the way, that car i painted in your garage was not a Porsche, it was a Ferrari..." | ||
| EFWUN (Efwun)
Junior Member Username: Efwun Post Number: 72 Registered: 2-2003 |
wow, another accountant heard from | ||
| EFWUN (Efwun)
Junior Member Username: Efwun Post Number: 71 Registered: 2-2003 |
Anthony, that is tooo funny! I can't imagine someone actually questioning the car and the speed!! Great joke, as is Ghostrider's!! | ||
| Tillman Strahan (Tillman)
Member Username: Tillman Post Number: 421 Registered: 11-2001 |
Let me guess the punchline of the next one: "it's not a porch, it's a ferrari" These are a wee bit old  | ||
| Jonas Petersen (Karsten335)
Junior Member Username: Karsten335 Post Number: 243 Registered: 11-2002 |
Anthony, a Ferrari GTO? from 1997 ? And 320 mph? Something is wrong Ferrari F50, 325 km/h instead maybe ? | ||
| Anthony_Ferrari (Anthony_ferrari)
Junior Member Username: Anthony_ferrari Post Number: 185 Registered: 11-2002 |
A hip young man goes out and buys a 1997 Ferrari GTO . It is the best and most expensive car available in the world, costing about $500,000. He takes it out for a spin and while stopping for a red light, an old man on a moped (both looking about 90 years old) pulls up next to him. The old man looks over the sleek, shiny surface of the car and asks, "What kind of car ya' got there, sonny?" The young man replies, "A 1997 Ferrari GTO. They cost about a half million dollars!" "That's a lot of money," says the old man, shocked. "Why does it cost so much?" "Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!" states the cool dude proudly. The moped driver asks, "Can I take a look inside?" "Sure," replies the owner. So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Leaning back on his moped, the old man says, "That's a pretty nice car, all right!" Just then the light changes so the guy decides to show the old man what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds the speedometer reads 320 mph. Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer! He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly, whhhoooossshhh! Something whips by him, going much faster! "What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari?!" the young man asks himself. Then, ahead of him, he sees a dot cooming toward him. Whoooooosh! It goes by again, heading the opposite direction! And it almost looked like the old man on the moped! "Couldn't be," thinks the guy. "How could a moped outrun a Ferrari?!" Again, he sees a dot in his rear view mirror! Whooooosh Ka-BbblaMMM! It plows into the back of his car, demolishing the rear end. The young man jumps out, and it IS the old man!!! Of course, the moped and the old man are hurting for certain. He runs up to the dying old man and says, "You're badly hurt! Is there anything I can do for you?" The old man moans and replies, "Yes, Unhook my suspenders from your side-view mirror!" | ||
| izel k. (Ferrarist)
Junior Member Username: Ferrarist Post Number: 150 Registered: 3-2001 |
LOL! Ghostrider. | ||
| Ghostrider (Threefivefive)
New member Username: Threefivefive Post Number: 37 Registered: 8-2002 |
A lady walks into an Ferrari dealership. She browses around, then spots the perfect car, the 360 Modena Spyder, and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the fine leather upholstery, a loud fart escapes her. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and hopes a sales person doesn't pop up right now. As she turns back, there standing next to her, is a salesman. "Good day, Madame. How may we help you today?" Very uncomfortably she asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle?" He answers, "Madame, if you farted just touching it, you are going to •••• when you hear the price." |