| Author | Message | ||
| J. Grande (Jay)
Intermediate Member Username: Jay Post Number: 1181 Registered: 10-2001 |
Bridge keeper: "What is the average air speed velocity of an unlaiden swallow?" King Arthur: "What do you mean African or S. American swallow?" Bridge keeper: "Uh, I don't know...Ahhhh!!!" | ||
| Mark (Study)
Member Username: Study Post Number: 450 Registered: 10-2001 |
BRIDGEKEEPER: Stop! What... is your name? GALAHAD: 'Sir Galahad of Camelot'. BRIDGEKEEPER: What... is your quest? GALAHAD: I seek the Grail. BRIDGEKEEPER: What... is your favourite colour? GALAHAD: Blue. No, yel-- auuuuuuuugh! | ||
| J. Grande (Jay)
Intermediate Member Username: Jay Post Number: 1178 Registered: 10-2001 |
"Blessed are the cheesemakers?" "Well, Obviousely he's speeking symbolically of all dairy producers!" "He just said blessed are the Greek!, what's so special about the bloody Greek?!?...Oh the meek, oh that's nice!" | ||
| Jeff B. (Miltonian)
Junior Member Username: Miltonian Post Number: 199 Registered: 12-2002 |
You must cut down the mightiest tree in the forest with..... A HERRING!!!!! | ||
| Mark (Study)
Member Username: Study Post Number: 449 Registered: 10-2001 |
STAN: I want to be a woman. From now on, I want you all to call me 'Loretta'. REG: What?! LORETTA: It's my right as a man. JUDITH: Well, why do you want to be Loretta, Stan? LORETTA: I want to have babies. REG: You want to have babies?! LORETTA: It's every man's right to have babies if he wants them. REG: But... you can't have babies. LORETTA: Don't you oppress me. REG: I'm not oppressing you, Stan. You haven't got a womb! Where's the foetus going to gestate?! You going to keep it in a box?! LORETTA: [crying] JUDITH: Here! I-- I've got an idea. Suppose you agree that he can't actually have babies, not having a womb, which is nobody's fault, not even the Romans', but that he can have the right to have babies. FRANCIS: Good idea, Judith. We shall fight the oppressors for your right to have babies, brother. Sister. Sorry. REG: What's the point? FRANCIS: What? REG: What's the point of fighting for his right to have babies when he can't have babies?! FRANCIS: It is symbolic of our struggle against oppression. REG: Symbolic of his struggle against reality. | ||
| Mark (Study)
Member Username: Study Post Number: 448 Registered: 10-2001 |
Terry Gilliam walks into a professional office and explains to John Clesse- I"d like to have an argument. 10min or 30min argument? John ask I'll start with the 10min That will be $10 pounds Here you go (Terry hands John the money) That will be $10 pounds I just paid you! No you didn't! Yes I did No you didn't Yes I did No you didn't! Listen this isn't an argument! Yes it is! No it isn't!! The automatic game saying of the opposite position, is not an argument, its contradiction. An argument is the intellectual collection of fact and statements to establish a point of view. No it isn't.. Yes it is� | ||
| Sunny Garofalo (Jaguarxj6)
Member Username: Jaguarxj6 Post Number: 257 Registered: 2-2003 |
BEDEVERE: Tell me. What do you do with witches? VILLAGER #2: Burn! VILLAGER #1: Burn! CROWD: Burn! Burn them up! Burn!... BEDEVERE: And what do you burn apart from witches? VILLAGER #1: More witches! VILLAGER #3: Shh! VILLAGER #2: Wood! BEDEVERE: So, why do witches burn? [pause] VILLAGER #3: B--... 'cause they're made of... wood? BEDEVERE: Good! Heh heh. CROWD: Oh, yeah. Oh. BEDEVERE: So, how do we tell whether she is made of wood? VILLAGER #1: Build a bridge out of her. | ||
| J. Grande (Jay)
Intermediate Member Username: Jay Post Number: 1167 Registered: 10-2001 |
"...Perhaps if we build a large wooden badger..." | ||
| MarkM (Zan)
New member Username: Zan Post Number: 28 Registered: 11-2002 |
Sit on my face and tell me you love me....... I like to oralize, when i'm between your thighs... | ||
| Horsefly (Arlie)
Member Username: Arlie Post Number: 922 Registered: 5-2002 |
We're knights of the round table We sing when 'er we're able But sometimes, we're given rhymes That are quite un-sing-able! They're music mad in Camelot They eat ham and jam and spam alot! | ||
| J. Grande (Jay)
Intermediate Member Username: Jay Post Number: 1166 Registered: 10-2001 |
High Priest-"Are there any women here?" Crowd of women wearing beards-"No...No...No" voice getting progressively lower... "Brian, Mr. Cohen isn't your father" Pontius Pilate "We have no Woger!" | ||
| Mark (Study)
Member Username: Study Post Number: 447 Registered: 10-2001 |
And what have the Romans ever done for us?!! ..well besides the roads,sewers,medicine,wine,keeping order,... | ||
| J. Grande (Jay)
Intermediate Member Username: Jay Post Number: 1163 Registered: 10-2001 |
Bloody Romans! | ||
| Rob Schermerhorn (Rexrcr)
Member Username: Rexrcr Post Number: 441 Registered: 11-2002 |
"Are you here to arrange a holiday, or would you like a blow j*b?" | ||
| Rob Schermerhorn (Rexrcr)
Member Username: Rexrcr Post Number: 440 Registered: 11-2002 |
"You wiper of other people's bottoms." "She turned me into a newt,...I got better." "Bring out your dead (clang)" "Old woman." "Man." "Oh, pardon me...old man." "I'm 37." "What?" "I'm not old, I'm 37." | ||
| Sunny Garofalo (Jaguarxj6)
Junior Member Username: Jaguarxj6 Post Number: 218 Registered: 2-2003 |
"We are but 8 score young blondes and brunettes...all between 16 and 19 1/2..." "Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government!" | ||
| Steve (V10_nut)
Junior Member Username: V10_nut Post Number: 69 Registered: 3-2002 |
My apologies to Mr. Marlat, He certainly deserves credit for this funny piece. " The grail...no thanks, we already have one" | ||
| Dave (Maranelloman)
Member Username: Maranelloman Post Number: 958 Registered: 1-2002 |
"Does she 'go'? Nudge...nudge...wink...wink... eh ? Know what I mean? eh? 'Go', eh? Does she? Nudge...nudge...eh?...wink...wink... A wink's a nudge to a blind bat, eh? So, does she 'go'?" and on and on... Great thread of great memories of a great troupe!!  | ||
| Mark (Study)
Member Username: Study Post Number: 445 Registered: 10-2001 |
From the old TV show... (if you really know your Python) My favorite sketch... We are here at Mission control for the first probe to Mars- All the technology of the world is here to analize this important scientific break through for man kind. "Yes! and here comes our data!" "A replacement tea kettle would cost 3 million pounds. Wait! we're getting more critical sientific information...yes! a lawn mower on Mars would cost 2 billion dollars,... a rear window defroster unit for a 1954 Mini- 1.7 billion quid, and finding a pair of split crotch panties on Mars.. we estamate would cost 3 trillion pounds." | ||
| Dave (Maranelloman)
Member Username: Maranelloman Post Number: 957 Registered: 1-2002 |
"A wink's a nudge to a blind bat, eh?" "That rabbit has a mean streak a mile wide!" "I fArt in your general direction! I blow my nose on you, Eeeeenglish peeegs!" | ||
| Mr. Doody (Doody)
Member Username: Doody Post Number: 929 Registered: 11-2001 |
as we discuss giving credit where credit is due in a thread in General Discussion, this VERY amusing story deserves proper credit as well, since it's from SatireWire and was not written by John Cleese: http://www.satirewire.com/news/jan02/axis.shtml there's even a note at the bottom about the John Cleese thing! "this is an EX parrot!" doody. | ||
| Martin - Cavallino Motors (Miami348ts)
Advanced Member Username: Miami348ts Post Number: 4140 Registered: 5-2001 |
I come from Barcelona and I know NOTHING! | ||
| Dave Goldman (Dave328)
Junior Member Username: Dave328 Post Number: 114 Registered: 11-2002 |
Nudge...nudge...wink...wink... eh ? Know what I mean? eh? Nudge...nudge...eh?...wink...wink... Dave | ||
| Jeff B. (Miltonian)
Junior Member Username: Miltonian Post Number: 187 Registered: 12-2002 |
I fart in your general direction!! | ||
| wm hart (Whart)
Member Username: Whart Post Number: 835 Registered: 12-2001 |
When i visited Santa Barbara recently i was pleased to learn that John Clease lives there. He wrote an article in a local magazine about adjusting to life in Santa Barbara; he wrote that he had to quit using his turn signals when driving there because he discovered that it just confused the locals. | ||
| Horsefly (Arlie)
Member Username: Arlie Post Number: 895 Registered: 5-2002 |
It's all a matter of logistics. A five ounce bird simply can NOT carry a ten pound coconut! | ||
| Steve (V10_nut)
Junior Member Username: V10_nut Post Number: 68 Registered: 3-2002 |
What about the ministry of "Shrubery" | ||
| Tom Bakowsky (Tbakowsky)
Member Username: Tbakowsky Post Number: 288 Registered: 9-2002 |
Ummm.... is this the right room for an arguement? | ||
| Sunny Garofalo (Jaguarxj6)
Junior Member Username: Jaguarxj6 Post Number: 200 Registered: 2-2003 |
LMAO! Go aaa-way, or I shall taunt you a second-time-aaa! | ||
| Sunny Garofalo (Jaguarxj6)
Junior Member Username: Jaguarxj6 Post Number: 199 Registered: 2-2003 |
. | ||
| Tyler (Bahiaau)
Member Username: Bahiaau Post Number: 640 Registered: 12-2001 |
AAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! | ||
| Dave Goldman (Dave328)
Junior Member Username: Dave328 Post Number: 113 Registered: 11-2002 |
NOBODY ever includes the Spanish Inquisition! NI!!! Dave | ||
| Horsefly (Arlie)
Member Username: Arlie Post Number: 894 Registered: 5-2002 |
Will each pseudo Axis of Evil have its own Ministry of Silly Walks? Or will they now be termed Ministry of Evil Walks? Would that be like a Nazi goose step? I thought the Nazis already had a copyright on that one. Or was it nullified by the Nuremburg war trials? So many questions. These are confusing times. And what about the Spanish Inquisition? | ||
| DES (Sickspeed)
Advanced Member Username: Sickspeed Post Number: 2980 Registered: 8-2002 |
ROTMFFLMMFFFARTFOOMMFB...! | ||
| Steve (V10_nut)
Junior Member Username: V10_nut Post Number: 67 Registered: 3-2002 |
> This just in from correspondent John Cleese > > "Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the > "Axis of Evil", Libya, China and Syria today announced > that they had formed the "Axis of Just as Evil", which > they said would be more evil than that stupid > Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis President Bush warned of in > his State of the Union address. > > Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed > the new Axis as having, for starters, a really dumb > name. "Right. They are just as evil - in their > dreams!" declared North Korean leader Kim Jong-il. > "Everybody knows we're the best evils . . . best at > being evil . . . we're the best." > > Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over > being excluded, although they conceded they did ask if > they could join the Axis of Evil. "They told us it was > full," said Syrian President Bashar al-Assad. "An axis > can't have more than three countries", explained Iraqi > President Saddam Hussein. "This is not my rule, it's > tradition. In World War II you had Germany, Italy, > and Japan in the evil Axis. So, you can only have > three, and a secret handshake. Ours is wickedly cool." > > International reaction to Bush's Axis of Evil > declaration was swift, as within minutes, France > surrendered. > > Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations rushed to gain > triumvirate status in what has become a game of > geopolitical chairs. > > Cuba, Sudan and Serbia announced that they had formed > the "Axis of Somewhat Evil", forcing Somalia to join > with Uganda and Myanmar in the "Axis of Occasionally > Evil", while Bulgaria, Indonesia and Russia > established the "Axis of Not So Much Evil Really as > Just Generally Disagreeable". > > With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the > desirable clubs filling up, Sierra Leone, El Salvador, > and Rwanda applied to be called the "Axis of Countries > That Aren't the Worst But Certainly Won't Be Asked to > Host the Olympics". > > Canada, Mexico and Australia formed the "Axis of > Nations That Are Actually Quite Nice But Secretly Have > Some Nasty Thoughts About America", while Scotland, New > Zealand and Spain established the "Axis of Countries > That Want Sheep to Wear Lipstick". "That's not a > threat, really, just something we like to do", said > Scottish Executive First Minister Jack McConnell. > > While wondering if the other nations of the world > weren't perhaps making fun of him, a cautious Bush > granted approval for most axis, although he rejected > the establishment of the "Axis of Countries Whose > Names End in 'Guay", accusing one of its members of > filing a false application. Officials from Paraguay, > Uruguay, and Chadguay denied the charges. > > Israel, meanwhile, insisted it didn't want to join any > Axis, but privately world leaders said that's only > because no one asked them. |