Monday silliness------------

[tonyh]

A man walks into a busy Chinese restaurant in Dublin but is told by
the
waiter that there's going to be at least a 20-minute wait.
"Would you like to wait at the bar, sir?" he says.
So he man sits up at the bar and the barman says: "What'll it be?"
The man replies: "OK, give me a Stoli with a twist."
The barman pauses for a few seconds, then smiles and says: "Once upon
time, there were FOUR little peegs..."
--------------------------------------------
How To Get Ahead In The Office----------------------------------------
1) Run one lap around the office at top speed.
> 2) Groan out loud in the toilet cubicle (at least one
> other'non-player'must be in the toilet at the time).
> 3) Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.
> 4) Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and
> say,"Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye."
> 5) To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your
> ears
> and grimace.
> 6) When someone hands you a piece of paper, finger it, and whisper
> huskily,"Mmmmmmm, that feels soooooo good!".
> 7) Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone points it
> out,say,"Sorry, I really prefer it this way".
> 8) Walk sideways to the photocopier.
> 9) While riding a lift, gasp dramatically every time the doorsopen.
> 10) Say to your boss, "I like your style" and shoot him with
> double-barrelled fingers.
> 11) Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask, "Did you get
> all
> that,I don't want to have to repeat it".
> 12) Page yourself over the intercom (do not disguise your voice).
> 13) Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the
> nozzle(there must be a 'non-player' within sight).
> 14) Shout random numbers while someone is counting.
> 15) At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice
> to
> conclude with the singing of the national anthem (extra points if you
> actually launch into it yourself).
> 16) Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you
> with
> growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.
> 17) For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as "Bob".
> 18) Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go do
> a
> number two".
> 19) After every sentence, say 'Mon' in a really bad Jamaican
> accent.As
> in"the report's on your desk, Mon". Keep this up for one hour.
> 20) While an office mate is out, move their chair into the lift.
> 21) In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly
> and
> mutter, "Shut up, damn it, all of you just shut up!".
> 22) At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce, "As God is my
> witness,I'll never go hungry again".
> 23) In a colleague's diary, write in 10am: "See how I look in
> tights".
> 24) Carry your keyboard over to your colleague and ask "You wanna
> trade?".
> 25) Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same
> person:"Do
> you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now".
> 26) Come to work in army fatigues and when asked why, say, "I can't
> talk
> about it".
> 27) Posing as a maitre d', call a colleague and tell him he's won a
> lunch for four at a local restaurant. Let him go.
> 28) Speak with an accent (French, German, Porky Pig, etc) during a
> very
> important conference call.
> 29) Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk.
> 30) Hang a two-foot long piece of toilet roll from the back of your
> pants and act genuinely surprised when someone points it out.
> 31) Present meeting attendees with a cup of coffee and biscuit,smash
> each biscuit with your fist.
> 32) During the course of a meeting, slowly edge your chair towards
> the
> door.
> 33) Arrange toy figures on the table to represent each meeting
> attendee,move them according to the movements of their
> real-lifecounterparts.
> 34) At lunchtime, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point
> a
> hairdryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
> 35) Tell your children over dinner. "Due to the economy, we are going
> to
> have to let one of you go.">
> 36) Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want
> fries
> with that.>
> 37) Put your rubbish bin on your desk and label it "IN."
> 38) Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has got
> over
> his or her caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
> 39) Don't use any punctuation marks at all in your e-mails.
> 40) As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
> 41) Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they
> answer.
> 42) Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
> 43) Sing along at the opera.
> 44) Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
> 45) Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of
> jungle
> sounds all day.
> 46) Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their
> party
> because you're not in the mood.
> 47) Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling
> name,RockHard.
> 48) When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won! I Won!
> 3rdtime
> this week!!!"
> 49) When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot
> yelling,"Run for your lives, they're loose!"
> And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity....
> 50) Send this to everyone in your address book, even if they sent it
> to
> you or have asked you not to send them stuff like this