| Author | Message | ||
| Rosso (Redhead)
Member Username: Redhead Post Number: 444 Registered: 12-2001 |
DES- Thanks for the protection of the thread. | ||
| Rosso (Redhead)
Member Username: Redhead Post Number: 443 Registered: 12-2001 |
Update City--- Well, after two days of not "being available to talk", I finally had a little chat. First thing out of her mouth, thanks for shaking me up a bit the other night(with what I had said, and echoed from you guys). I still am not sure where she is at as I have not seen her, only talked on the phone. So, tonight we are supposed to hang out. I am going to suggest more of the ideas that have been presented here, and hopefully we will be able to move fwd. to positive results through professional help. Once again, I am taking everything from here with a grain of salt and watching my back at the same time. Thanks once again. R | ||
| Russ Turner (Snj5)
Member Username: Snj5 Post Number: 539 Registered: 2-2003 |
Rosso I must echo the good advice here, and simply summarily repeat: 1. YOU alone cannot save her. However, her addiction can destroy you 2. There are great organizations that treat this well. If you really want the best for her, don't skimp - go to the pros. 3.YOU will need a support system as well, either professional or a circle of friends. DO NOT go it alone. 4.Altruism test. The only way to get this to work is to separate the focus on her. You must be ready at any time for her to walk away, or be able to walk away yourself. Success is not mandatory, and she may not make it. You have to be unconditionally ready for that at any time. Good luck and God bless both of you rt | ||
| DES (Sickspeed)
Senior Member Username: Sickspeed Post Number: 6784 Registered: 8-2002 |
Dan, i don't want to argue in Rich's serious thread; if you wish, move your baseless commentary to a new thread and i'll gladly refute it there. Thanks.  | ||
| Dale W Spradling (Drtax)
Member Username: Drtax Post Number: 423 Registered: 4-2003 |
No apologies necessary Taek. I have seen both sides of the equation, and it's a different world today. Once upon a time, in another place, far, far, away, some of us actually thought that getting high would change the world. Sounds stupid now doesn't it? Sleep well my friend. | ||
| Dan Gordon (Ferruccio)
Junior Member Username: Ferruccio Post Number: 234 Registered: 2-2003 |
DES: "Dan, not only was this way off topic, but it was totally inappropriate... You and Arlie have similar problems with women... i'm so glad i don't have a sister". I was only givin my opinion I realize you love to start fights but come on, all I said was that some girls have that problem. GIVE ME A BREAK if you want to talk about something totaly inapproprite go see what you said about Christians in that one post. HORRIBLE! OFFENCIVE! and uncalled for. People on this chat are going to relize your inability to treat all people with the respect......I hope. | ||
| Taek-Ho Kwon (Stickanddice)
Intermediate Member Username: Stickanddice Post Number: 2173 Registered: 11-2002 |
Dale, You're absolutely right. I guess I misread your post and made the incorrect assumption of having labeled Rich's friend a junkie. Apologies. Steven, Good for you! Speaks volumes of your character to step up and offer help as someone who has gone through it. Cheers | ||
| Dale W Spradling (Drtax)
Member Username: Drtax Post Number: 418 Registered: 4-2003 |
Taek, I've got a few years on you. In fact, I have a 20-year old daughter and a 16-year old son. Moreover, I live in an upscale area where there are too many parents with too much money and sh*t for brains. The thing that many people my age ignore is that dope use has changed significantly from the hippie days of our youth. We're not talking about getting stoned and listening to Hendrix. Nope, kids today have to put up with teen aged drug dealers who bring guns to school, after staying wired for 72 hours. The sad truth is that junkies (and I'm using this word in the broad sense) are losers. I have nothing wrong with lending a helping hand, just make sure that you understand what you are dealing with. For every Stephen who makes it, there are hundreds who don't. No doubt, as Neil Young once sang, "There is a little bit of it in everyone." He also sang that every junkie is like a setting sun. And just like you can't stop the sun from setting, you can't stop a junkie with a serious jones. Don't ask me how I know, but I learned a long time ago to never trust a junkie. With luck, maybe I can help my kids steer around these shoals. Dale | ||
| Steven R. Rochlin (Enjoythemusic)
Member Username: Enjoythemusic Post Number: 791 Registered: 4-2002 |
Rosso, First i will say... Have nearly 15 years clean and sober (and crazy :-) )... by the grace of G-d, one day at a time. There have been some wonderful suggestions here, especially from Taek-Ho Kwon. The addicted person MUST truly want to quit. As for yourself, there are programs such as Alanon and the like. While it can be hard to practice tough love, it saved my life when my parents did it for me (read: FOR me, not TO me). Find local support system for YOU. She needs to find a support system for her. YOU can NOT do it for her, she must want it for herself, no matter what happens between her and ANYONE else. NO EXCUSES. Feel free to e-mail me privately as some information is personal and prefer not to share it here on a public discussion board. A most humble thanks my friend. Let go, with love, Steven R. Rochlin | ||
| James Dunne (Audiguy)
Member Username: Audiguy Post Number: 306 Registered: 6-2003 |
When I was in college, my cousin who lived in the same town got hooked. He was still in high school and I noticed his performance in football really dropped off. He became very tempremental and distant at different times. I never found out who his dealer was as he kept his source secret. He asked me to help him get out on one of his better days. Be prepared to be hurt, disappointed and verbally abused for all you try to do. I took time off from my part-time job to sit with him when he was crashing and would go bring him out of places he did not need to be at other times. He would cuss me when I did that and then later thank me for doing it. He was up and down for two years and actually seemed to clean up for a while and got married. That lasted for about four months until he crashed back out and disappeared for several days. Back on the stuff again and depressed as could be. His wife and I took him back home to try once again to help him through it. She ended up leaving him after another three months of his destructive behavior. One day his parents received a phone call that he had called and asked the police to meet him at his parents house. They asked his parents to get there as quick as possible. The police arrived just before them and went inside to find him hanging in the garage. We made a big mistake. We did not seek out professional help because he asked us not to. We thought we could help him make it through ourselves. Big mistake. Seek out professional help and do it soon, for her sake as well as for your own. You do not need to take responsibility for someone else's destructive behavior. Be there for her but let the professionals do their jobs and hopefully help bring her out. I'll be thinking of you. This brings back a lot of bitter memories just reading about it. Keep you head up and don't be discouraged when she verbally and possibly physically abuses her when she is in a bad time. If she comes out, and I genuinely hope she does, she will thank you for helping save her life. Until that day comes, be prepared and insulated for just about any action. | ||
| Rosso (Redhead)
Member Username: Redhead Post Number: 439 Registered: 12-2001 |
Once again- Thanks to all for your advice and kind words. As we were supposed to talk last night, guess who ended up flaking out....yeah...its going to be a long road...and I will hate it if I lose a friend over a super addictive powder. Once again...thank you. | ||
| Taek-Ho Kwon (Stickanddice)
Intermediate Member Username: Stickanddice Post Number: 2171 Registered: 11-2002 |
Dale, I completely agree with you. That said, I am hoping that Rich's friend is not a junkie (in the common sense of the word). If you catch the problem early enough, you could easily prevent her to walk down that path. I have known my fair share of coke heads in my years of partying (err...I mean, skool). Some who still fall prey to their addictions are in some very respectable positions in government and finance. I apologize Dale, I don't mean to belittle what you said, since its spot on in so many ways. But there is definitely a threshold of awareness one must cross. Drug abuse goes unchecked and unaddressed because a lot of people share your sentiments exactly. They figure; "Hey, I'm not a junkie. I have 2 and a half cars, live in a nice house with a pool, my wife loves me, my kids are honor students etc." Very dangerous way to think. Truth is some of these lost souls in my experience come from good families with the means to purchase these narcotics. Knowing how to manage destructive behavior is only a stopgap to the inevitable. Rich, I wish you the best and as tough as it is going to be for her, it is also going to be difficult for you. Its going to be painful to see her floundering at times and the overall experience will definitely test your patience and friendship. I have confidence in that you'll do your best and that's more than anyone could ask for, let alone deserve. Let me know if I can help in any way. Cheers | ||
| chris cummings (Entelechy)
Member Username: Entelechy Post Number: 515 Registered: 5-2001 |
Man this post sure brings back memories. In high school one of my best friends was a star baseball pitcher. He started traveling with a team that traveled the nation and had two or three pro teams very interested in him...things were looking very bright. Well, some of the members of this team got him into cocaine. This had been going on for quite awhile. All I noticed on my end were big changes in his energy levels and moods, but he would never tell me. One day, months later, he broke down and told me everything and that he was really scared. I talked about it with his girlfriend, and we decided that we needed to talk with his parents. They were horrified, but serious about getting him help. I never heard from him again, he moved away to another town. Last I heard, he was married and working in sporting goods at K-mart. I never really found out if he was able to straighten out or not. He obviously viewed it as a breach of trust, and perhaps rightfully so, but we were just in high school at the time and really cared about him and did what we thought was best. I really hope this isn't the case with your friend. I still believe we did the right thing, but be prepared that this can happen. | ||
| Dale W Spradling (Drtax)
Member Username: Drtax Post Number: 416 Registered: 4-2003 |
Rosso, your best bet is to seek professional help for your friend. Addiction is no place for amatuers, no matter how well meaning you might be. Even the pros have a very-low cure rate. If fact, I don't know if you can say that an addict is ever cured. Finally, I'd tell you the same thing that I have told my kids... Never, never, trust a junkie. You may try to help one, but never trust one. Good Luck | ||
| Greg (Greg512tr)
Junior Member Username: Greg512tr Post Number: 224 Registered: 2-2002 |
"people that had everything wash their minds away and nobody could stop them." Wow, that is a descriptive phrase. | ||
| DES (Sickspeed)
Senior Member Username: Sickspeed Post Number: 6768 Registered: 8-2002 |
Dan, my apologies, i was referring to Dan Gordon... | ||
| Dan (Bobafett)
Intermediate Member Username: Bobafett Post Number: 1453 Registered: 9-2002 |
DES: I didn't say that anywhere? Unless Dan Gordon did? --The helpful Dan | ||
| wm hart (Whart)
Intermediate Member Username: Whart Post Number: 1669 Registered: 12-2001 |
Addiction, by its nature, denies the rational. No matter how degraded or debased a person's life becomes on drugs or alcohol, they do not see the reality, even when it is put in front of them. In my experience, people only change when they get to the point where they (not you or other friends and family) realize that its a matter of life and death and become frightened enough to realize they are forced to choose. The biggest impediment, particularly with someone young, is their belief that they can continue on, and clean up later. Once they realize that they are walking with dynamite (and are not just a ticking timebomb which will go off in the future), they may be motivated. Short of that, i doubt anything short of a miracle will make your friend change. | ||
| James Glickenhaus (Napolis)
Advanced Member Username: Napolis Post Number: 2679 Registered: 10-2002 |
Rosso Get her to Daytop, Rennisance, or any program that specializes in this ASAP. If she won't go drive her past the crack whores downtown. That's how it will end. Good Luck | ||
| Matt (Matt_lamotte)
Member Username: Matt_lamotte Post Number: 625 Registered: 10-2002 |
Red, I have been exactly where you are at as much as I hate to say it many times. I am only 24 but my party years were spent around some incredibly dangerous situatuations that showed me a different side of society. It's a helpless feeling not being able to drag your friend out of the hole she has gotten herself into. If you have never experimented with drugs you probably can't comprehend why someone can't just drop this habit and move on. I've watched people that had everything wash there minds away and nobody could stop them. Deep down the only way to get this girl help is if she helps herself. This may take a major scary event or she may just snap out of it one day. She has to avoid whoever is supplying her with this coke because if she gets around him/her and it's there SHE WILL DO IT. Do your best to be with her and do realize that there is always a possiblity of failure and if she does break she simply must start over and try again. Good luck to you and to her. | ||
| PeterS (Peters)
Intermediate Member Username: Peters Post Number: 1584 Registered: 1-2003 |
I mentioned an intervention because it worked with a girlfriend I had several years ago that was addicted to cough syrup (codine). She hated me for a year. I had another friend that had a coke problem in the early 90's. I took her to lunch one day and stopped off at a cemetary to walk around. She said 'why are we here'. I told her that this is where she was going to end up if she did not quit. She never touched the stuff again. | ||
| DES (Sickspeed)
Senior Member Username: Sickspeed Post Number: 6763 Registered: 8-2002 |
Dan, not only was this way off topic, but it was totally inappropriate... You and Arlie have similar problems with women... i'm so glad i don't have a sister. | ||
| Dave (Maranelloman)
Advanced Member Username: Maranelloman Post Number: 2922 Registered: 1-2002 |
Hey, Dan Gordon, it's "addict", genius, not "attic". IQ = room temp??? Rich, you are a good man for wanting to help. I know nothing about this area (although Patrick's advice about determining if she owes anyone money is VERY healthy for you & her) but suggest 3 things: a) do a Google search on coke rehab in your area; b) ask the Ca. dept. of health for a referral to a rehab place; c) ask your doctor for one, or find out who her doctor is & ask her/him. Good luck, my friend!! | ||
| DES (Sickspeed)
Senior Member Username: Sickspeed Post Number: 6758 Registered: 8-2002 |
Rich, email me or call me at your convenience. | ||
| Troy Watts (Troy_watts)
New member Username: Troy_watts Post Number: 43 Registered: 9-2003 |
Seek out a 12 step program for her. | ||
| Dan (Bobafett)
Intermediate Member Username: Bobafett Post Number: 1451 Registered: 9-2002 |
Rich, perhaps this is later, but if it helps, I can have friends of mine my age talk to her - maybe at a later date. That might help bridge any 'gap' she feels with you? --Dan | ||
| Dan (Bobafett)
Intermediate Member Username: Bobafett Post Number: 1450 Registered: 9-2002 |
Red, I have seen drug addiction from friends and acquaintances - it is *NOT* easy, but honestly, it's almost like community service ni the sense that when it's over, the feeling you have that that person is going to be ok is awesome. I will speak to them, etc. to see what centers in the area are good. It sounds, from your messages, that she is at the point of realization where she knows it's a problem. The next step, of course, is getting her to want to quit, which isn't too far off - so don't fear it. The other resource is doctors. My mother is a neonatologist (premature babies), and as a result of that I've seen some pretty horrific stuff (13 yr olds with kids so small they'll fit in your palm) - the point is, a lot of times, drugs and drug addiction is involved. As a first resource, she should be able to point you ni the right direction. I'll call you tomorrow - I did get your message, but I was out of reception most of the afternoon / evening / night. --Dan PS: Hang in there dude. I know you've got the strength - and I'm sure you can convey that onto her. You do not have to defend yourself about your remarks with respect to her physically, etc. - I think the intelligent ones here understood what you were getting at. | ||
| Rosso (Redhead)
Member Username: Redhead Post Number: 438 Registered: 12-2001 |
B4 you read the next post..i can barley read my own typing..SO sorry for all the erros...My eyes HURT typing on this thing....damn apples!!!!! DGS--Just read your post.. think you are so correct in your post. The main issue I am running into is the fact is that she is 19 and "knows it all", but at the same time scared shitless........ thanks for the kind words... R | ||
| Rosso (Redhead)
Member Username: Redhead Post Number: 437 Registered: 12-2001 |
Hey all..... First and foremost......and I do mean this... this is a Female that I would never take as my own, and before the jokes fly, I am 26 and I have seen destructive lifestyles of others before, but have not had to deal with them like this, and realize them, and chose not to deal with them. Simple as that.....no jokes or anyhitng needed addictive personality....i know this to be a leach, as some of you have said, and this is where I draw the line.I understad it, and respect it as this is as some people are raised. I am not in love, lust or anything, I am a friend that needs to know the best course of action with OUT being intrustve. i said she was britney like for one reason.....I have been on f chat for almost 2 years, and have seen how some much respected members have asked for pics. Thats it. Thats the only reason why. i have pics.but, they are not going to help a single person out of this potential mess. Taek--as a friend and a customer, thank you for your words and kindness. I have talked to "jane doe" since then and it scary for me to talk to some one that is so scared, after someone that is so close to her, intrroduced her to this lethal drug, so thank you for your kind words. i am sorry if this is hard to read, I am at a friends typing a G4 and can not see the screen as well. Arlie, I repsect alot of what you have to say, but I feel that your words are not of help but of more hurt. I have friends that are females, and not to get into their pants. This is a friend that called me and told me she was scared and that this was taking control of her. i took it with a grain of salt, and then she started telling me stuf that need not be shared, but respect the fact that I am coming to a knowledge base greater the my own, and respect everyones, even yours, opions. I realize this is not a soft issue, but thank each of you for your thoughts and comments........... PeterS....understand and am afraid of the truths that yor write.... red | ||
| Thomas I (Wax)
Member Username: Wax Post Number: 428 Registered: 7-2003 |
Taek-Ho Kwon wrote what I'd write (except for the Switzerland locale) | ||
| DGS (Dgs)
Member Username: Dgs Post Number: 354 Registered: 5-2003 |
If you're a good friend, then the issue isn't whether she's going to like you, before, during, or after. The issue is whether she likes herself. When an addict is high, everything looks fine (far as they can tell). When reality comes back, it ain't pretty. So the addict wants to leave again. I'd guess that you need to help her get to where she likes herself better straight than doped. I suspect that's a job for a professional, as there were probably issues that made her take to the stuff in the first place. Since she has been distancing herself from you, it sounds like she doesn't like your disapproval, and would rather do without you than without drugs. You'll need the help of her family and friends. But if "someone very close to her in her family" is part of the addiction pattern, you have a real problem. Seek the advice of someone who knows what they're talking about -- a rehab pro ... and preferably a second opinion, as well. If the problem is more than the one girl by herself, you may have some hard choices to make. | ||
| PeterS (Peters)
Intermediate Member Username: Peters Post Number: 1583 Registered: 1-2003 |
Rosso....If you are a good friend, you will get a few other close friends and do an intervention on her. If you do not know how they work, do some research on the web and find a person through a local drug center that can be there for it. Puruvian marching powder is a bad road, especially if she likes doing it. At 19, its worse. Do an intervention and plan on her hating you until she heals. After that, she will kiss the ground you walk on for life..Good luck and prayers. | ||
| Dan Gordon (Ferruccio)
Junior Member Username: Ferruccio Post Number: 233 Registered: 2-2003 |
I don't think Arlie hates women. Many women have these problems that Arlie is describing. Also I can't stress this enough Rosso DON'T GET INVOLVED WITH A DRUG ATTIC!! I am not sure if that is what you had in mind, but you did say "a cute Brintey". I have to tell my friends a thousand times don't go after a girl with severe emotional problems because shes hot. All of my friends girlfriends have severe emotional problems and its destroying there lives. Find a good girl....there are a few out there. If she looks good great!! But most of the time you will not find a model-like girl with a good heart. Its almost a rule: very hot girl = b#tch with head problems | ||
| Tyler (Bahiaau)
Intermediate Member Username: Bahiaau Post Number: 1052 Registered: 12-2001 |
Be very careful in choosing a rehab center. Also, she has to be absolutely commited to kicking the habit, even then it will be hard as hell. I agree with Taek-Ho that some people do seem to have addictive personalities. I have a few friends who have kicked drug habits and one who is still struggling(has been for 20+ years). You will need patience and the understanding that the road to recovery is long. This happens to many people and it has nothing to do with your intelligence or socioeconomic backround. My friends who are recovered addicts are surgeons. They all thought it wouldn't happen to them and it did. Let her know this happens to all kinds of people. You have to be supportive and you have to be commited to helping her over the long haul. Best of luck. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your friend. | ||
| Taek-Ho Kwon (Stickanddice)
Intermediate Member Username: Stickanddice Post Number: 2163 Registered: 11-2002 |
Rich, Very sorry to hear this. It is a serious problem indeed. I have friends who have beat addiction and others who are battling it still. What I have found is that for the most part these people generally have an addictive personality. Two friends who overcame cocaine went on to chain smoke and the other to overeat (bloated from 160lbs to around 230lbs in a short time). The trend I've noticed in a successful transition to a less malignant addiction that will also be in time addressed has been a willingness to quit. I helped these two guys find a rehab program and even attended some sessions for support. One of them went to Switzerland in one of those live in places, so my visits were a lot more infrequent than I hoped. The other did not have the means for this sort of full on attention but still managed to kick the habit. General things I got from some meetings: 1. You have to want to quit. There is help for people out there to even get to this first step. Wanting to quit because you kind of have to or because you run out of money is not good enough. 2. Distance yourself from whatever lifestyle leads you to drug abuse. One of my buddies was a club going guy. First thing he did was stop going to clubs. The other encountered drugs through some of his childhood friends and his girlfriend. This was the difficult one, but by helping yourself you might end up helping them. The amount of time he spends with these "friends" (how a friend allows another to meddle with this crap is beyond me) is nowhere near what it used to be. 3. Find a good support network. Family is the obvious choice, but if you want to keep your addiction from them it is understandable. Good friends (like she has in you, Rich) is a good place to start. Other people getting over their addictions is not always good until the more advanced stages of recovery. Sometimes it leads to falling back into the pits. 4. Keep yourself busy. Work more or pick up a new hobby. Pursue an attainable goal. Short term goals in the beginning so as not to lose momentum in the feelings of achievement. Later on take on bigger tasks. 5. This sounds crazy, but don't drastically change your lifestyle unless your personality permits. A lot of times people go from "fun" filled nights with "friends" to rather mundane or outright boring lives where they need to do a ton of things to get on the road to recovery. This feels overwhelming and bring about a feeling of futility. Rehab is definitely the way to go. With a drug as addictive as cocaine I would not leave anything to chance. There are a lot of supportive people there to help. A lot of ex-users who can share a lot of insight into how to recover. They're not just there to share their painful stories and how much it sucked to be addicted. That is a common misconception. The efforts that I witnessed from these volunteers or workers were very upbeat and full of hope. Hope everything works out for her. At least she has a good friend in you and that's a great start! Cheers | ||
| Patrick Denonville (Arizonaguy)
Member Username: Arizonaguy Post Number: 693 Registered: 4-2003 |
Make sure she doesn't owe her dealer any money... My 15yr old friend who was addicted to coke owed her dealer 2K... He was going to make her work for him as a hooker or kill her... So she hung herself. Spend as much time with her as possible, try and get her into a program, and if your with her, then she can't be doing coke. I managed to get my ex-girl friend off of weed by telling her stories of what happened to my friends when I lived in Canada. Keep them company, and the drugs go away. | ||
| DL (Darth550)
Member Username: Darth550 Post Number: 388 Registered: 7-2003 |
Rosso, I had a very close friend who was an alcoholic. Bad. I went through many hard times with him, including finding him near death after he broke into my boat. Took him to emergency twice and had to call P.E.T. Dealing with an addict is very difficult. It seems as though you always put yourself way out there in trying to reason with them and offer help or advice and they go back to getting high. It is NOT gratifying at all if they are not truly ready to quit or make a real go at it. Get her into a program if you can. If you can find someone in a program, have them intervene. In alot of instances, unfortunately, they have to go through a near death experience to see the light. Arlie, Seriously, why do you hate women so much? Good luck DL | ||
| Horsefly (Arlie)
Intermediate Member Username: Arlie Post Number: 1503 Registered: 5-2002 |
Here's what will happen. You will be a nice guy and help her through her darkest times and troubles as you guide her back toward a better way of life. Then, after you have helped her clean up her act and stuck by her side through all the bad times, she will treat you like a door mat and act indignant when you dare to suggest that you deserve a little respect for sticking by her side through the bad times. When times are BAD, she needs a friend. When those times get better, she forgets about you. Don't be a sap. How many times do I have to say it: NICE GUYS FINISH LAST!!! And if she is really doing drugs, don't ride in the same car with her. The last thing you want to happen is to be pulled over for a burnt out tail light and have her panic and start pulling drugs out of her purse and tossing it out the window. Then you both get a free ride downtown to the graybar motel. WATCH OUT FOR YOURSELF!!! | ||
| Rosso (Redhead)
Member Username: Redhead Post Number: 436 Registered: 12-2001 |
Can we try to keep this ON TOPIC...and this is for real... I just found out a good female friend is strugling with Cocaine. She is 19 and is a very beautiful girl that got started by someone very close to her in her family. She has been really distant to me lately and told me tonight the reason. She has told me that it is hard for her not to do it and she is not sure where to turn to. I know very little about drug abuse, as this is the first time it has hit this close to me. I know NA exsist and in the past, I thought I heard about one directly about coke, but without trying to be an over bearing friend, yet at the same time trying to be a friend that wants to provide help...- -Where do you turn? -How do you help them see the day light...literly? I know its a choice she will have to make, but I hope to get answers for that time. I know there are some doc's on here..care to share experinces with paients? Please once agian, lets keep this clean....and no, I will not post her pic..just think a cute Britney. |