| Author | Message | ||
| Todd Chen (Tec)
New member Username: Tec Post Number: 30 Registered: 2-2002 |
Nika, good one. Okay, okay. A young couple, engaged to be married, is killed in a tragic auto accident. Upon their arrival to heaven, God asks them if there is anything that he can do for them to make their stay in heaven more enjoyable. The couple responds that they would still like to be married. God says that he would be happy to accomodate them, and that he'll get back to them when he finds a priest to perform the wedding. Five years later, God informs them that he has found a priest to perform their wedding. The couple goes to the priest and gets married. Some years later, the couple isn't getting along so well, and they go to God and say that they decided they want a divorce. God replies, "It took me five years to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it's going to take to find a lawyer!?" | ||
| Nika (Racernika)
Member Username: Racernika Post Number: 475 Registered: 12-2001 |
The scene is the mountains of western Montana. Two grizzly bears are stalking through the woods when the one in the rear suddenly reaches out with his tongue and licks the butt of the one in front. The lead bear turns and says, "Hey, cut it out, alright." The other bear says sorry and they continue on their way. After about five minutes the rear bear suddenly repeats his action. The front bear turns angrily and says," I said don't do that again!" The rear bear says "sorry" again and they continue. After about another five minutes, the rear bear repeats his action. The front bear turns and says, "What is it with you, anyway? I said to stop." The rear bear says, "I really am sorry but I just ate a lawyer and I'm just trying to get the taste out of my mouth." | ||
| Tim N (Timn88)
Member Username: Timn88 Post Number: 805 Registered: 6-2001 |
Is he your brother rob? i always suspected because of the last name thing. | ||
| Tyler (Bahiaau)
Junior Member Username: Bahiaau Post Number: 236 Registered: 12-2001 |
LOL | ||
| Todd Chen (Tec)
New member Username: Tec Post Number: 29 Registered: 2-2002 |
Bret, Good one. A friend of mine said that there's going to be a movie about the Enron fiasco possibly starring Tom Cruise and Jack Nicholson. Here's an excerpt from the script. Tom Cruise: "Did you order the shredding?" Jack Nicholson: "You want answers?" Tom Cruise: "I think I"m entitled." Jack Nicholson: "You want answers!!" Tom Cruise: "I want the truth!" Jack Nicholson: "You can't handle the truth!" Jack Nicholson: "Son, we live in a world that has financial statements. And those financial statements have to be audited by men with calculators. Who's gonna do it? You? You, Dept. of Justice? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for Enron and you curse Andersen. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that Enron's death, while tragic, probably saved investors. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves investors. You don't want the truth. Because deep down, in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on that audit. You need me on that audit! We use words like materiality, risk-based, special purpose entity...we use these words as the backbone to a life spent auditing something. You use 'em as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very assurance I provide, then questions the manner in which I provide it. I'd prefer you just said thank you and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a pencil and work on an audit. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you're entitled to!!" Tom Cruise: "Did you order the shredding???" Jack Nicholson: "You're damn right I did!" | ||
| BretM (Bretm)
Intermediate Member Username: Bretm Post Number: 2442 Registered: 2-2001 |
Take the time to read this; you'll be surprised that it is not the sappy story you may be about to dismiss! SAD STORY Several weekends ago, I was rushing around trying to do some Valentine's Day shopping. I was stressed out and not thinking very fondly of the weather right then. It was dark, cold, and wet in the parking lot. As I was loading my car up, I noticed that I was missing a receipt that I might need later. So mumbling under my breath, I retraced my steps to the mall entrance. As I was searching the wet pavement for the lost receipt, I heard a quiet sobbing. The crying was coming from a poorly dressed boy of about 12- years-old. He was short and thin. He had no coat. He was just wearing a ragged flannel shirt to protect him from the cold night's chill. Oddly enough, he was holding a hundred dollar bill in his hand. Thinking that he had gotten lost from his parents, I asked him what was wrong. He told me his sad story. He said that he came from a large family. He had three brothers and four sisters. His father had died when he was 9-years-old. His mother was poorly educated and worked two full time jobs. She made very little to support her large family. Nevertheless, she had managed to skimp and save two hundred dollars to buy her children some Valentine's Day presents (since she didn't manage to get them anything on Christmas). The young boy had been dropped off, by his mother, on the way to her second job. He was to use the money to buy presents for all his siblings and save just enough to take the bus home. He had not even entered the mall, when an older boy grabbed one of the hundred dollar bills and disappeared into the night. "Why didn't you scream for help?" I asked. The boy said, "I did." "And nobody came to help you?" I queried. The boy stared at the sidewalk and sadly shook his head. "How loud did you scream?" I inquired. The soft-spoken boy looked up and meekly whispered, "Help me!" I realized that absolutely no one could have heard that poor boy cry for help. So I grabbed his other hundred and ran to my car. Sincerely, Kenneth Lay Former CEO, Enron Being as Ken Lay is Rob's brother I figured we shouldn't let the Enron thing die. Now you see how they can afford this:  |