| Author | Message | ||
| wm hart (Whart)
Member Username: Whart Post Number: 739 Registered: 12-2001 |
Ah, yes, Dave, but in doing so, all the important virtues of being french are preserved. I am boycotting french fries. And will only fly BA concorde from now on. As i used to tell a french secretary in my office, don't call us the next time the germans want to go real estate shopping. | ||
| Dave (Maranelloman)
Member Username: Maranelloman Post Number: 757 Registered: 1-2002 |
The Complete Military History of France. Gallic Wars � Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2,000 years of French history, France is conquered by, of all things, an Italian. Hundred Years War � Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare: �France�s armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman.� Italian Wars � Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians. Wars of Religion � France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots. Thirty Years War � France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her. War of Devolution � Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux. The Dutch War � Tied. War of the Augsburg League/King William�s War/French and Indian War � Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three non-outright defeats in a row cause historians to correctly label the period as the height of French military power. War of the Spanish Succession � Lost. The war also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since. American Revolution � In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as �de Gaulle Syndrome,� and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare: �France only wins when America does most of the fighting.� French Revolution � Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French. The Napoleonic Wars � Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer. The Franco-Prussian War � Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunken frat boy to France�s ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night. World War I � Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Thousands of French women find out what it�s like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn�t call her �Fraulein.� Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline. World War II � Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the lyrics for �Deutschland �ber Alles.� War in Indochina � Lost. French forces plead sickness, take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu. Algerian Rebellion � Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare: �We can always beat the French.� This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux. The War of Greenpeace � Lost. Thanks to Emperor Misha, for reminding Clubbeaux that after Frog frogmen bravely blew up an unarmed Greenpeace ship in Auckland Harbour in 1983 and bravely killed unarmed people doing so, thereby commencing hostilities, �the attack catapulted Greenpeace to the international spotlight, boosting its popularity and presence to record levels. The incident gave Greenpeace worldwide publicity and brought it a deluge of new members. Lloyd Cutler, former White House counsel to President Jimmy Carter, negotiated an $8 million settlement from the French Government.� As Misha says, �You attack a bunch of filthy, granola-munching hippies and you end up having to fork over $8,000,000 to make them stop harrassing you? You surrendered to friggin� GREENPEACE??? BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!� War on Terrorism � Surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald�s. | ||
| ross koller (Ross)
Member Username: Ross Post Number: 691 Registered: 3-2002 |
although this will probably hurt me more than the rest of you, as of right now i am boycotting everything i can think of that is french or german. i have never done something like this before (largely because when living in either of these countries its pretty hard to do....), and i always considered such action to be somewhat shortsighted and reactionary, but this time they have pissed me off. so i cancelled the wine delivery for this month, not going to buy any of their cheese or bottled water either, not going to buy the mercedes station wagon i was thinking of getting etc. the only problem i have is that i have already paid for my ski vacation in chamonix next week so no way out on that one. otherwise, am going to let these guys twist a little. thank god ferraris are made in italy...... | ||
| Mark (Study)
Member Username: Study Post Number: 420 Registered: 10-2001 |
Well I'm not going to buy any French sports cars this year. Does France make a good sports car? Sabb? Renault? Come to think of it...I don't know anything about French sports cars.? More French jokes- Why should we send the French to Iraq? ? ? To teach them how to surrender. | ||
| Dave (Maranelloman)
Member Username: Maranelloman Post Number: 745 Registered: 1-2002 |
The French fear of their own Muslim community is self induced. At heart, the French government (as contrasted to the people) is very xenophobic. They have allowed large Muslim immigration, yet they also keep them isolated and on welfare, refusing to allow them to become integrated into the workforce & society. So, the French taxpayers take it in the shorts due to this racist policy, and the Muslims bristle with frustration at not being allowed to contribute to French society. Contrast that to Hispanic immigration in the US. With few exceptions, we have allowed almost total Hispanig integration into our workforce--probably to a fault--and into our society. Living in Texas, I see this every day. No, the French are afraid of being hung on their own insecure racist/xenophobic petard. Hey, let's lighten things up:   | ||
| Erich Walz (Deleteall)
Junior Member Username: Deleteall Post Number: 155 Registered: 12-2001 |
As i understand, one of the reasons the French are so hesitant is because of the large muslim commuity there. One guy I know said it's equivilent to the hispanic population in the US. Jokes aside, we shouldn't be too shocked by the French response. Remember, we bombed Lybia and they wouldn't even let us fly over their airspace! Maybe if our pilots hadn't been so tired they wouldn't have "accidently" bombed the French Embassy there  | ||
| Jon P. Kofod (95f355c)
Member Username: 95f355c Post Number: 432 Registered: 8-2001 |
Terrible day at work, Dow down over 100, my retirement savings drying up. Keep em' coming I need some laughter! Regards, Jon "This week the French military admitted their expensive new nuclear powered aircraft carrier, The Charles De Gaulle, can't land certain planes because it's 13 feet too short. Their options are to extend the deck 13 feet, or simply rename it, "The Napoleon" | ||
| Vince (Manatee)
Junior Member Username: Manatee Post Number: 139 Registered: 6-2002 |
How does a French admiral review his fleet? In a glass bottom boat. | ||
| Jon P. Kofod (95f355c)
Member Username: 95f355c Post Number: 431 Registered: 8-2001 |
The French have soldiers? The Germans couldn't find any !! | ||
| Dave (Maranelloman)
Member Username: Maranelloman Post Number: 744 Registered: 1-2002 |
Q: How many French soldiers does it take to defend Paris? A: Unknown. It has never been tried... | ||
| Jon P. Kofod (95f355c)
Member Username: 95f355c Post Number: 430 Registered: 8-2001 |
Mark, Just curious what's the forward gear used for on the French tank. I guess if the 5 reverse gears fail they can just turn the tank around and retreat backwards? Ok now it makes sense. Regards, Jon | ||
| Martin - Cavallino Motors (Miami348ts)
Advanced Member Username: Miami348ts Post Number: 3814 Registered: 5-2001 |
Dave, I would always vote! The best example why voting is important: 1933 German election. Hitler was duely elected with a majortity vote of over 50% of all votes. Except that only 25% of the people showed up to vote. So were 50% of all Germans for Hitler, No, yet he was duely elected in a democratic system. If you do not vote you always vote for the wrong guy! | ||
| Martin - Cavallino Motors (Miami348ts)
Advanced Member Username: Miami348ts Post Number: 3813 Registered: 5-2001 |
Somebody said last week: If you go to war and not have the French with you it is like going hunting and forgetting your accordeon. | ||
| Mark (Study)
Member Username: Study Post Number: 418 Registered: 10-2001 |
French joke making the rounds in the US today- French tanks have 6 speed gear box. 5 are reverse, and one forward. French joke last week- French are good at fighting their friends and surrendering to their enemies. | ||
| Mark (Study)
Member Username: Study Post Number: 417 Registered: 10-2001 |
This isn't about Iraq or NATO. Seems France is using the problem to take one more stab at being important on the world stage. How low would France sink to re-gain world leadership? Seems like France wants it bad and will do anything to lead a split between Arab and Western world so France can be the great bridge in the gap. My theory- don't let the French judge ice skating events... or anything else for that matter | ||
| Kenny Herman (Kennyh)
Member Username: Kennyh Post Number: 576 Registered: 8-2001 |
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story2&cid=514&ncid=514&e=1&u=/ap/20030213/ap_on_re_eu/iraq_europe_5 Here's an updated Yahoo! story on it... As a whole, France really is a •••••, isn't it. Remember WWII? Disclaimer: not all French | ||
| Tyler (Bahiaau)
Member Username: Bahiaau Post Number: 520 Registered: 12-2001 |
I thought the lack of support was dissapointing. Strong measures should be used on those countries who do not come to the aid of other NATO members. Martin, if you become a US citizen that is great! Dave, damn right, we need more citizens who vote. Apathy will be the downfall of this great nation if we are not careful. Martin I agree that North Korea is a threat, but I believe the far greater threat lies in the puppeteer of NK, China. | ||
| Randall Booth (Randall)
Junior Member Username: Randall Post Number: 85 Registered: 1-2003 |
I personally thought it was a pretty clever move. Iraq isn't going to attack Turkey for no reason. The goal was to slow up the war Bush is about to start, and it may have worked. If the UN decides military action muct be taken, then I'm sure defensive forces will be given to Turkey. As it sits now, the US will have to provide almost all military support, which hopefully will slow Bush up. | ||
| Dave (Maranelloman)
Member Username: Maranelloman Post Number: 741 Registered: 1-2002 |
Martin, I understand. Please, if you decide to honor us by becoming a US citizen, please also honor us by voting regularly!!! I know you will Best wishes on your decision--I know you do not take such a weighty decision lightly... | ||
| Martin - Cavallino Motors (Miami348ts)
Advanced Member Username: Miami348ts Post Number: 3806 Registered: 5-2001 |
Don't get me wrong here. I still think Bush is a wack job as good as there are. His logic is flawed big time in trying to take Iraq out while North Korea is a much more immenent threat to the world. To me the question is the legimitacy of NATO and the protection it has given over decades and now since there is no real threat against one particular country at this point (or 3 for that matter) they so openly say they will not participate. Dave, I understand that it is not all Germans that okay this move but there is a big majority. Just as there is a big majority of anti-war sentiment here in the US. What shames me is the politicians and their thoughtless actions. You can not really say it is joe-blows fault, well yes I do, after all these dumb asses have been re-elected just 5 months ago by a majority vote from all the Joe-Blows out there. Today I am seriously considering becoming a US citizen. | ||
| Kenny Herman (Kennyh)
Member Username: Kennyh Post Number: 568 Registered: 8-2001 |
Their would be even more unemployment if we didn't export our goods to those countries... | ||
| Pat Pasqualini (Enzo)
Junior Member Username: Enzo Post Number: 243 Registered: 2-2002 |
Isn't there enough unemployment here in the states to make up for what we import from these coutries Besides the oil which we could have shortly what else do we need from Germany, France or belgium? Or atleast cut off any aid that we hand out to these countries | ||
| Kenny Herman (Kennyh)
Member Username: Kennyh Post Number: 567 Registered: 8-2001 |
Pat, becuase we need their trade, and we have companies working in/around them. Its like we want to fight them, but they have us in a full nelson, we can't do anything. | ||
| Pat Pasqualini (Enzo)
Junior Member Username: Enzo Post Number: 242 Registered: 2-2002 |
Why wouldn't we just cut off these coutries that are turning their backs on us? | ||
| TomD (Tifosi)
Advanced Member Username: Tifosi Post Number: 2712 Registered: 9-2001 |
yeah, I found Nellie's speech hilarious - he makes fun of bush and says he is way out of line wanting to go to war basically a war monger - yet in the next sentence says if the UN (meaning France, Russia and China change their minds) okays it, then war is just??? I love that logic | ||
| Kenny Herman (Kennyh)
Member Username: Kennyh Post Number: 566 Registered: 8-2001 |
I agree with you, Martin. It's amazing how disloyal other countries that we have helped in the past have turned against us in a time of need. I am South African, my family left in the late 70's because of our disagreement with how the country has run. The U.S. has worked hard (with support from U.S. South Africans) to get Nelson Mandela out of jail, and he just recently said how the United States has caused the worst harm in the world (or something of that nature, I'll look for a direct quote). If it were not for the U.S., he would still be in jail, and theres a decent chance that their would still be some form of appartheid. If you were going to get into a fight and you called upon a friend to help you and he turned his back or said he doesn't want to get involved, he is not a friend. | ||
| Tenney (Tenney)
Member Username: Tenney Post Number: 312 Registered: 2-2001 |
According to press reports, UN inspectors have found Iraq to be in violation of the accord as it relates to disarming (which was tantamount to an Iraqi surrender at the time that it was reached, btw). Now the UN will have to decide how important this is. If, based on response or lack thereof, the Iraqi violation is deemed irrelevant, then perhaps so too is the UN. Or, if they're not to be observed, then perhaps there should be a moratorium on future UN peace accords. | ||
| Miguel Dias Ferreira (Chenrezi)
New member Username: Chenrezi Post Number: 7 Registered: 2-2003 |
Martin, right on bro. I'm against the war, but in favor of a stand against Saddam and his regime. Now if Turkey is threatened by this (or any other) madman, I believe NATO should respond. NO matter matter where each country stands in the event of war. War is one thing, protection of the needed is another. Troubled times these that we are living... I guess now we'll see who's what! | ||
| Dave (Maranelloman)
Member Username: Maranelloman Post Number: 739 Registered: 1-2002 |
Martin, you are exactly right, and I am also disappointed that NATO didn't either reorganize immediately or disband. When a request for help from one member is ignored, what is the point of the organization? On your last sentence: please do not be ahamed of your heritage & citizenship. Germany is a noble country, with a noble history. Like all countries--ours included--it has had ignoble moments & ignoble "leaders". Your choice of citizenship is yours, and the US would be a better country with you as a citizen of it! But please don't ignore the millions of hard-working Germans who are astonished by their own government right now (as it tries in vain to divert attention from its self-induced socialism & 18% unemployment). Perhaps, as a German citizen, you can still influence opinions back home to turn away from the appeasement mentality of Schroeder... | ||
| Martin - Cavallino Motors (Miami348ts)
Advanced Member Username: Miami348ts Post Number: 3805 Registered: 5-2001 |
I got so pissed on Monday when I heard that the Germans, the French and the Belgiums have decided not to send preventive troops to Turkey to defend that NATO nation against a likely attack by Iraq. I could not believe how little words the US had to this unbelievable act. NATO has been implemente to secure mainly Germany in the cold war from agression from Russia. We (me being German) loved the NATO then because it gave us the security we needed. Now another NATO partner calls us for help and now Germany all of a sudden decides they don't want to come there yet. Me being the president of the US, and #1 NATO partner, I would have called all other NATO nations that morning and would have gotten an agreement from all of them to kick the Germans, the French and the Belgians out of NATO that same day. If I would be the president of Turkey, I would have called Schr�der (the German chancelor), that a*shole, and told hiom he has 24h to vacate all German embassies in Turkey and the turkisch embassy will be closed in Germany as well. You can have reservations against a war with Iraq, you can argue whatever you want and don't have to be for everything, but when NATO nations call for help you better move your damn troops quick. I am truely assamed to hold a German passport today. This may be the time to apply for citizenship in the US. |