| Author | Message | ||
| DES (Sickspeed)
Advanced Member Username: Sickspeed Post Number: 2875 Registered: 8-2002 |
Philip, everyone, thank you... There's more to this than i've said, but i don't want to start airing all my personal laundry here... If i include the things i haven't mentioned, then i'm even MORE right... i refuse- i absolutely, positively, 'til the day i die refuse to apologize... This goes deeper than some petty argument, but that's what it's boiled down to... My peace of mind is knowing that i'm right... If i felt sketchy about the whole thing, i'd give my feelings a second though, but in my heart i know i'm right and that can't be wrong... Thanks, everyone, for your opinions and advice, i appreciate it...  | ||
| philip (Fanatic1)
Junior Member Username: Fanatic1 Post Number: 64 Registered: 2-2003 |
Des, The two most powerful words in the english language are...I'm Sorry. Your anger only affects you....while you steam away, chances are your uncle doesn't care.....aplogize, it will make you feel better, it really will.....then even if you never speak with him again, in your heart you will know that you were right. After you take the first step, it's up to him.......and if you were in his house, well he may be a rude, insensitive jerk, but it was his house...........Apologize for your own piece of mind, not for his......................... Good Luck! This comes from someone with a VERY disfunctional family | ||
| TC (Houston) (Tec)
Junior Member Username: Tec Post Number: 73 Registered: 2-2002 |
Some people are just unreasonable. When they're family, there's not a whole lot you can do about it. I'd just tell him this is ridiculous and apologize to him. Who cares if you mean it or not. The guy could die next week and then this will all seem very silly. After all these years you're probably not going to be able to get through to him, so you may as well make the best of what you do have. | ||
| Jim Schad (Jim_schad)
Member Username: Jim_schad Post Number: 833 Registered: 7-2002 |
letters don't work too well in my opinion bc they get misinterpretted and then there is the awkward moment when you first see each other for the first time. My inlaws have misread every "make up" letter I have sent. Face to face is best, but it takes guts and a cool head. | ||
| Fayyaz Vellani (Fvellani)
New member Username: Fvellani Post Number: 38 Registered: 8-2002 |
Whoa, youre getting booted out of the house??!! I don't get how that is being mature on his part? I think John is onto something with a letter, try to explain why you feel the way you feel. Hopefully things will work out for you | ||
| John A. Suarez (Futureowner)
Member Username: Futureowner Post Number: 577 Registered: 3-2002 |
DES, At this point it sounds like you and your Uncle would have trouble talking this out face to face. What would you think about writing him a letter? You could explain the situations that have led up to this point, as well as how you interpreted them. But be careful not to cast blame(this will only anger your Uncle). Simply write how the situations made you feel. The advantage of giving your Uncle a letter: He will hear you out without being able to interrupt you or raise his voice. Best of luck... | ||
| Bruce Wellington (Bws88tr)
Intermediate Member Username: Bws88tr Post Number: 1778 Registered: 4-2002 |
DES CALL ME OVER, ILL STRAIGHTEN IT OUT FOR YA... NOBODY IS NASTY TO MY DES BRUCE | ||
| DES (Sickspeed)
Advanced Member Username: Sickspeed Post Number: 2862 Registered: 8-2002 |
Dave & Jim... It already escalated with him being the "mature" one... He called me at work today and said that someone needed to end this and be mature about this whole thing; & that since it wasn't going to be me, he'd do it his way; so he wants my key to his house, he's cancelling any bills i have through the address (cell phone, AOL, etc.) and i'm no longer welcome... That's so immature, it's laughable and i couldn't care less- the thing is, my Aunt lives there and i love her to death... If she weren't there, i would've told him to kiss off a long time ago... Even if an apology would fix things, which i doubt, i still wouldn't give him one- i refuse to apologize when i was only defending myself... | ||
| Jim Schad (Jim_schad)
Member Username: Jim_schad Post Number: 830 Registered: 7-2002 |
DES a pissing contest rarely has good endings. My wife and her mother haven't spoken for 9 months b/c of something just like this. Her mom is bull headed and will NEVER apologize even if she is wrong so the other party has to bow down and my wife got tired of doing it so now they don't speak. Never will unless she crawls back. If you truly don't like the guy then who cares, walk away. Don't be rude, mean or vindictive, just leave it. People like that will never see things your way and it will escalate again and you will find yoruself in the same situation. I bet he goes through friends quickly and it is always their fault, he makes everyone mad, but they allow it to keep the peace. Don't enable him. | ||
| Dave (Maranelloman)
Member Username: Maranelloman Post Number: 876 Registered: 1-2002 |
Well, DES, I understand. Then be the more mature one & just say this: "Hey, may, I am sorry things got out of hand. Can we start over?" See what happens next. If he spits (figuratively) on your outstretched hand, well then you know you were still the more mature one. If not, maybe you can find SOME common ground for a relationship. But I cannot emphasize enough: if you want to resolve this, do NOT expect him to apologize. Sometimes we have to look past this & be more mature, and lo and behold, an apology will magically appear when we least expect it. Easy to say, tough to do. It all depends what youREALLY hope to achieve--resolution (possible) or just him apologizing (impossible). | ||
| DES (Sickspeed)
Advanced Member Username: Sickspeed Post Number: 2861 Registered: 8-2002 |
But Dave, i can't do that... i DID mean the things i said... Our little unspoken argument goes back and he doesn't have a very high regard for other family members, which pisses me off even more, since they do everything they can for him... It has nothing to do with admitting whether i was right or wrong- if it was wrong, i would've apologized a long time ago, i'm good at that... But i'm right, here and i know it... i absolutely refuse to let this go without an apology... This isn't the first time... | ||
| TomD (Tifosi)
Advanced Member Username: Tifosi Post Number: 3025 Registered: 9-2001 |
des, in the italian family - older folks don't apoligize to younger ones | ||
| Dave (Maranelloman)
Member Username: Maranelloman Post Number: 875 Registered: 1-2002 |
DES, here's a suggestion. Just go up to him and say "Hey, may, I am sorry things got out of hand, and I said some things I really regret, and don't mean. Can we start over?" See? You are not admitting you were wrong, or that he is right, nor are you asking him to admit the same things (wars start because of the same reasons--2 sides too damn stubborn to back down). You are just, rightfully, apologizing for saying things you regret, in his home. Give it a try--I believe you may be pleased with the results. And good luck, friend! | ||
| TomD (Tifosi)
Advanced Member Username: Tifosi Post Number: 3023 Registered: 9-2001 |
it was a guess - I figured I try and make you laugh I hear what you are saying but the stubbornness on both sides is was causes these things to fester. | ||
| DES (Sickspeed)
Advanced Member Username: Sickspeed Post Number: 2860 Registered: 8-2002 |
"Des, sorry to hear your uncle and you are not getting along..." LOL, how'd you know it was my uncle and i...? Anyway, i refuse to apologize for being disrespected and he thinks he's completely right in his actions... Things escalated today and don't look like they'll be getting any better any time soon... Why should i apologize for saying what i said, when i've repeatedly asked him not to do that and he does it anyway; then, when i confront him about it, he tells me it's too bad...! | ||
| TomD (Tifosi)
Advanced Member Username: Tifosi Post Number: 3022 Registered: 9-2001 |
Des, sorry to hear your uncle and you are not getting along, at this point it does not matter who is right or wrong, you both share the blame - sit down and work it out - I have seen these things ballon in to life long issues if not taken care of, in the old country, italy, towns have become divided over similar situations | ||
| DES (Sickspeed)
Advanced Member Username: Sickspeed Post Number: 2859 Registered: 8-2002 |
Put yourself in this situation... A guy does a lot for you when you're in a rut; as time goes by, you do your damnDESt to go out of your way for him whenever you can, 'cause he helped you out. Ironically, you two really don't get along, but technically you're family, so you make the best of it. This guy that helped you out has a real problem with being rude, especially interrupting you when you're talking to someone else; you've asked him on several occasions to not do that, but he continues. One night, he does it and you've had it. You turn to him and say, "i can't hear her over you", and the tone in your voice is clear that you're annoyed... He turns and says, "Well, that's too bad...!" You pause for a moment, realizing that he's not being funny- he's serious. He's just that rude... You've had it; you turn and say, "You know what...? F_ck you..." He turns around and says the same, back... You raise your voice and explain that you're trying to have a conversation and he says something along the lines of "don't talk to me like that in my house..." What do you do...? Over a week later, you're waiting for an apology from him and he's waiting for an apology from you, all the while, family you love is caught in the middle. Who's wrong, who's right...? Please, any advice would be greatly appreciated... Thank you... |