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Dropping kids @ the pool on Craigslist

Discussion in 'Other Off Topic Forum' started by Sfumato, Nov 2, 2005.

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  1. Sfumato

    Sfumato F1 World Champ

    Nov 1, 2003
    10,194
    Llanfairpwllgwyngyll, Anglesey, Wales
    Full Name:
    Angus Podgorney
    #1 Sfumato, Nov 2, 2005
    http://sandiego.craigslist.org/rnr/107032361.html

    Last night I bbq some bacon cheeseburgers for me and my girlfriend and we sat in the hotub and drank some wine. My stomach wasn't feeling well after a burrito lunch, burgers and ****ty wine, but I was able to fell asleep. Then all of a sudden at 1:30am, I wake up and my stomach is just gargling...I was like ohhh nooo.. So I popped out her bed naked and sprinted the four feet to the bathroom. Which sucks because her bed is RIGHT NEXT to the bathroom. I sprinted in and tried to hold it in, but it wasn't having it. SNAP, POW, KAZAM!! I just roared in there. I knew she heard it, **** was setting off car alarms...I turned around to see the damage, and well... it was not right. It looked like Sherwin Williams came in and painted a fresh coat of brown latex paint all over the bowl. SO I had to get out her scrub brush, and scrub the toilet free of brown and green cement, naked at 2 in the morning. Embarrassed as **** I walk back to the bed knowing that I didn't wipe everywhere because I was sure **** was splattered all over my cheeks and up my back, So I decided to put my dirty nasty boxers from yesterday on, so I wouldn't streak up her sheets. So I lay back down and I could feel it creeping back down my bowels again. So within two more minutes I hurdle the bed Like Jackie Joyner, pull down my grunders and let out a straight voodoo sledgehammer of a grump. Holding on for dear life, I thought I was passing a softball sized kidney stone. Just as bad as the first. I almost passed out, I felt like I was possessed. SO I finally peeled myself off the 2 machine and wiped the sweat from by brow. I reach for the toilet paper and wouldn't ya know nothing but a brown roll with no **** tickets in sight. SOOO I had to pull a Mcgyver move. I wiggle my legs to let my boxers free and start ripping them into nice lines. Between my fart dump and the ripping noise of my boxers she must have been wondering what the **** is going on in there? So I use the boxers as my wiping tool and it works.... So what do you do with a pair of poo stained boxers at 2 in the morning at your girlfriends?? Well I scurried out of the bedroom and threw them off her balcony(which faces the parking lot) and with a little luck and a good throw, they land on some dude's black Taurus windshield and slide down and come to a stop on the windshield wipers... Amazing, I was laughing really hard, and then i went back to bed....

    Sorry for the "****ty" luck to the owner of Taurus...
     
  2. darth550

    darth550 Six Time F1 World Champ
    Lifetime Rossa

    Jul 14, 2003
    61,172
    In front of you
    Full Name:
    BCHC
    #2 darth550, Nov 2, 2005
    The Aristocrats!!!!!!
     
  3. Senna1994

    Senna1994 F1 World Champ

    Nov 11, 2003
    13,193
    Orange County
    Full Name:
    Anthony T
    #3 Senna1994, Nov 2, 2005
    Wow that is fnck'n hilarious, I am laughing my a$$ off over here reading this story. Dave what the hell are you talking about "Aristocrats"?
     
  4. darth550

    darth550 Six Time F1 World Champ
    Lifetime Rossa

    Jul 14, 2003
    61,172
    In front of you
    Full Name:
    BCHC
    #4 darth550, Nov 2, 2005
    http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0436078/plotsummary

    It's the oldest - and most disgusting - joke in the whole world. It's so bad, no one except for comedians have heard it. "A guy goes into a talent agency and says he's got the best act," It's a family act - mother, father, children, and a dog - that performs some of the wildest and very disturbing acts ever thought of on stage, including incest, bestiality, rape, wastes and bodily fluids, and, even, murder. The agent says that that's a hell of an act and asks what it's called. "The Aristocrats." In this documentary, some of today's best comedians and comedy writers - Drew Carey, Bob Saget, Whoopi Goldberg, Gilbert Gottfried, Martin Mull, Andy Dick, Jon Stewart, Howie Mandel, Phyllis Diller, Jon Ross, Mario Cantone, Eric Mead, Penn & Teller, Sarah Silverman, Fred Willard, Paul Reiser, George Carlin, & many others - either tell their own versions of the joke or attempt to explain why the joke is such a hit among themselves.
     
  5. Sfumato

    Sfumato F1 World Champ

    Nov 1, 2003
    10,194
    Llanfairpwllgwyngyll, Anglesey, Wales
    Full Name:
    Angus Podgorney
    #5 Sfumato, Nov 2, 2005
    Here's a variant
     
  6. Alex_V

    Alex_V F1 Rookie
    BANNED

    Apr 8, 2004
    3,611
    Boulder, CO
    Full Name:
    Alex
    #6 Alex_V, Nov 2, 2005
    ......ROFLMFAO!!!!
     
  7. Dan Ciezniewzky

    Dan Ciezniewzky Formula 3
    BANNED

    Sep 6, 2004
    1,351
    Indianapolis
    #7 Dan Ciezniewzky, Nov 2, 2005
    i feal so sorry for the poor sob with the taurus, but id be laughing my a$$ off too :D
     
  8. Der Meister

    Der Meister Formula Junior

    Aug 16, 2005
    657
    Glendora/Prescott
    Full Name:
    Alan
    #8 Der Meister, Nov 3, 2005
    haha that was by far the funniest thing i have read today...
     
  9. Pagani16

    Pagani16 Formula 3

    Apr 25, 2005
    1,325
    SoCal(San Diego)
    Full Name:
    Jason T.
    #9 Pagani16, Nov 3, 2005
    **** Happens.
     
  10. BigAl

    BigAl F1 Veteran

    Mar 17, 2002
    6,146
    TX
    Full Name:
    GSgt Hartman
    #10 BigAl, Nov 3, 2005
    uh......thanks for posting?
     
  11. ferrarigtofan

    ferrarigtofan Formula Junior
    BANNED

    Sep 26, 2005
    510
    USA
    #11 ferrarigtofan, Nov 3, 2005
    You said you had wine, didn't the bottle come with a cork you could use? Next time pack your colon with her tampoons to absorb all the moisture, that way you'll be sh*tting sand.
     
  12. Sfumato

    Sfumato F1 World Champ

    Nov 1, 2003
    10,194
    Llanfairpwllgwyngyll, Anglesey, Wales
    Full Name:
    Angus Podgorney
    #12 Sfumato, Nov 3, 2005
    Al, it wasn't me, it was posted at the link.
    Seemed to be a bit too much info, but hysterically funny.
    Had some descriptors I'd never heard before.
    You coming to breakfast this week, or U gonna wimp out, mister?
     
  13. BigAl

    BigAl F1 Veteran

    Mar 17, 2002
    6,146
    TX
    Full Name:
    GSgt Hartman
    #13 BigAl, Nov 3, 2005
    having a HH-BBQ this Fri and am usually (always?) hungover the next day, so no, won't make it Sat. Also need to put on the Larnin exhaust and have yet to get around to it.
     
  14. cheddah

    cheddah Karting

    Jan 8, 2004
    124
    #14 cheddah, Jun 8, 2006
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 7, 2017
    Jesus is Magic and Sarah Silverman is cute as hell!

    Praise be to Jehovah
    Jesus
    Allah
    Buddha
    Vishnu

    Who ever created her I'd like to thank....
    Image Unavailable, Please Login
    Image Unavailable, Please Login
     
  15. 134282

    134282 Four Time F1 World Champ
    BANNED

    Aug 3, 2002
    40,647
    California
    Full Name:
    Carbon McCoy
    #15 134282, Jun 8, 2006
    "2 machine" is definitely a new one for me...
     
  16. Aureus

    Aureus Formula 3

    Mar 8, 2004
    2,126
    Louisiana,California
    #16 Aureus, Jun 8, 2006
  17. BOG

    BOG Formula Junior
    BANNED

    May 30, 2006
    380
    #17 BOG, Jun 8, 2006
  18. wax

    wax Five Time F1 World Champ
    Lifetime Rossa

    Jul 20, 2003
    52,448
    SFPD
    Full Name:
    Dirty Harry
    #18 wax, Jun 8, 2006
  19. speedracer1610

    speedracer1610 Formula Junior

    Aug 25, 2006
    332
    nor cal
    Full Name:
    Craig D
    #19 speedracer1610, Dec 4, 2006
    That was you that left that on my car. Thanks i used them as raggs.
     
  20. Speedracer38

    Speedracer38 F1 Veteran

    Oct 11, 2004
    5,187
    Connecticut
    Full Name:
    Jason Thorgalsen
    #20 Speedracer38, Dec 4, 2006
    BWHAHAHAH!!!
     
  21. 62 250 GTO

    62 250 GTO F1 Veteran

    Jan 9, 2004
    7,765
    Nova Scotia Canada
    Full Name:
    Neil
    #21 62 250 GTO, Dec 4, 2006
    I'd call the nearest car wrecker and say "you can keep the 100 bucks I've got somthing here you can tow and part out, just don't bring it back". If they wouldn't take it, I would move.
     

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