Alienation of Affection Lawsuit

Holy sh*t.

Move on man.

If you go through with this and get a judgment, once everything is said and done will you really feel better about it? How will YOU have changed?

You won't. This is still about going after them, not healing your own wounds and rebuilding your life. That 11k you spent on the investigation could've been a comfortable six months in Mexico.

 

What he ^ said

What can you possibly gain from this? A judgment that you probably won't be able to collect, and a reputation in your professional community as "that guy"? Time to cut your losses.

 

Beware of the lawyer - yours.

I have seen where Law Firms say 'you don't pay unless you win', you may win a judgement for $1.00 - and get a $30,000 legal bill - I'VE SEEN IT HAPPEN.
Be sure you signed a 'percentage of the winnings' type of deal.....

 

Move along, find a new hub; sometime the grass really is greener. It was for me, and I would guess it will be for you. Sounds like the problem really isn't yours anyway, so just let it go.

Valor is the better part of discretion, and vice versa.

 

wow!

 

You made no mention of the finances regarding the divorce. If she didn't try to rob you, I would let it go for sure. If on the other hand she took everything and there is a chance to get some back , maybe. If it is just she broke my heart then I would find another outlet. I would think the courts would be full of these cases now if they were the way to go. A lot of your time will be spent digging up bones and it will take a long time.

 

When you go looking for revenge start by digging two graves.

 

I tend to agree with the "move on" sentiment. What does case history show as possible damages? Also, do you know with 100% certainty what the other guy knew about you? If she was willing to cheat on you, it's possible that she could have been lying to the guy about you, saying you were either a cheater, abuser, dead, non-existent or anything else. Maybe you could drop the suit and instead have the attorneysend the guy a letter spelling out what could have happened, had you moved forward with the case. But being a better man, you chose to drop things and get on with your life. And then wish him luck with your cheating ex-wife.

 

Human emotions and dynamics area funny thing. in your case you mention that you feel that your marriage would not have ended if the interloper was not around. honestly that's not the case, individuals have the free will to love and care for whom they decide. your ex-wife decided that she'd rather be with this other gentleman than her husband. she decided to break her own vows, now yes the other man also a role in this. however if she was steadfast in her resolution to your marriage than she would have had told this guy to get lost. for whatever reason she felt that her needs were not being met at home and went elsewhere to get them met.

I've seen this happen too many times, I'm sure we all have. temptation mixed with frustration and lack of communication will cause problems for a marriage. how that persons decides to handle the situation say alot about them. in regards to moving forward with the lawsuit, that will be your choice, I personally can't see much gained by it. HOWEVER you do bring up a point that has me concerned, the welfare of child is at stake here. her choices have created a unstable home, it sounded like you two were in the process of adopting a child but the divorce took precedence. now she is living with the gentleman who had a part in the breakup of a stable home for an adopted child. If anything I would pursue the option of keeping her from adopting this child.

I'm not talking about spiteful retribution here, but if she is no longer married and now living with her boyfriend how can that be good? putting a child who already has had bad situations thrust upon him isn't going to help. her track record up to this point is not good.

I wish you the best and hope that you find a women is more faithful to you and marriage.

 

I would think by now you would realize how crazy those statements are and how pathetic your entire post sounds.

Hopefully, in time, you will come to that realization.

He is not responsible to you for anything. Your wife made her own choices - as did you. If you really think he caused the breakup of your marriage you are kidding yourself.

I know where you are coming from though. Actually, my then wife cheated on me with an airline pilot. I'm also in NC, and about that same time there was a big "alienation of affections" lawsuit on the coast. This guy was my next door neighbor and friend. Our families were friends. It sucked more than most people can imagine - and I also thought about the alienation lawsuit.

I'm so very glad now that it was just a passing thought. I was able to move ahead with some dignity and realized that the marriage was in trouble no matter what some outside "influence" "did".

Drop the lawsuit, take a step back and get some help moving ahead with your life. 8 years later my ex-wife is remarried and she and I are better friends than we have ever been. There is no need to punish anyone in an already tough situation.

 

Why would you do it? I think you need to ask yourself.

As said above...hopefully the finances worked out for both of you.

I would move on...it does suck but there was a huge change in her. It didn't sound like you wanted to live your life like that. So, c'est la vie and enjoy your new life.

 

Sounds like your lawyer has you hooked, so he can add an 8th mistress for his 4th Mediterranean villa. Your interests do not sound like they're at all aligned. Protect yourself first.

Spending a year, or whatever, reliving the past isn't what you need. Move on.

In about 3 years "the other man" will start to wonder who his experienced wife is sleeping with while he's flying . Maybe introduce him to your pitbull lawyer then.

 

I think you should just write them a letter saying that you know what they did. You'd just be "another American" if you went on to sure her. Too many people sue...don't be one of them.

 

If she hosed you in the divorce go after her...otherwise let it be. Also know that once someone cheats on their spouse it establishes a pattern...I'd be willing to bet that she is sleeping with someone else before the adoption is finalized.

 

Write them a letter, print paperwork for a lawsuit - whatever.

Put it in an envelope, address it and put a stamp on it.

Then throw it in the trash can.

Do not lie to yourself by thinking that anything productive or healing can come from involving them in any of this. This is your problem.

 

na, play the roll reversal..be like a women and go after everything..see how she likes the shoe being on the other foot..

 

I'd tend to agree with this.

Pursuing this is bad energy. Just prove that you are the one in control by rising above it. Next time find out what to look for in a healthy spouse so that you never have to visit a similar situation again.

 

Look, I don't have a great answer for you.........

But, I strongly urge you not to write them a letter. In fact even this thread is not a great idea.

The question on the table is do you think she took more from the divorce than she should get?

As a pilot, you should be very procedural......... You move on this without taking everything in consideration - Flat spin

 

If she tried to take anything from you, you were not willing to give during the divorce....go for it. What more do you have to lose?

I may look at it a bit different; as in our lives were set, we were ready to adopt a child and this guy came in, my wife left me, our "child" is gone - and yet she had this guy and is about to get "our child." It would at least be decent of her to find another child. - i would feel as if i was thrown out of my own life and replaced with someone else.

But its your life, your going to have to be the one who makes the final call.

 

David, I should have said more along with my posting further up....

I have to agree with most other sentiments already posted: nothing good will come out of it, as much as you think it would. Even if you won and collected $100,000, that doesn't fix you, 'inside'. If it did, it would say that you have a price for everything. Money can't fix misplaced trust.

The other fact is, if not for this guy, there is a 99% chance it would have been someone else, and she may dump HIM and be with someone ELSE in 5 years from now, so don't single him out.
IT HURTS, but apparently he had something you didn't, and if she was totally committed to YOU, this would not have happened in the first place, but she wasn't.
You will find someone else, and when you do, be careful, because your new mate will probably talk to guys she runs into onthe street, in the store, or at work, you can't be paranoid, if anyone is committed to you, they won't 'stray'.

 

I agree, especially if she was going for the blood during the divorce. If I could have afforded it during mine that's what I would have done; making a hobby out of it and a spectator sport at the same time.

But, with us, there weren't any children involved.

 

Hahahaha, we teach them well in canada!

 

David, I feel your pain Buddy, I think we've all been there at some point

but I really think just dropping it & keeping what you learned from this horrible experience will be the best path

Meanwhile you should really check this stuff out to get yourself a new hottie

by the book THE GAME by Neil Strauss

http://www.absolutepowerdating.com

http://www.realsocialduynamics.com

Good luck dude