gonna ask the g/f to marry me

Atleast it's his girlfriend he's talking about and not someone else's..

 

zing!

 

Oh GAWWWWWWD!

 

DON'T do it dude, just live with her. Your young and one of you may change later on in life. JUST DON'T DO IT...WAKE UP!!!

 

Here is my take. DON'T get married. Divorces come from people that were 100% sure that it would never happen What is marriage anyway? A mutual obligation to have one person's bad credit ruin both of you?

It always works out that the guy is the girl's pension plan. Women want the ring for the pomp and circumstance and to feel like a princess for a day and the guy gets what, a Huge bill in the end? How f'ing selfish is that? Her dress costs more than your first car and you won't get laid in either.

Don't get me wrong, I may be foolish enough to do so, but make for damned sure that upfront you have your prenup. It may sound cynnical but it makes perfect sense unless you are a complete fool for that kitty!

 

As cynical as he sounds, he's spot on. Don't rush into it. And if you think you're in love forever, divorce will never happen to you, all those people getting creamed in court are suckers, just remember this : EVERY ONE OF THOSE SUCKERS THOUGHT THEY WERE IN LOVE FOREVER TOO!! Without some cold hard calculation, an airtight prenup and a candid discussion of this with your sig other, you're just as much a sucker as every one of those "forever in love" people.

You may think money is not an issue now, but if and when it comes, it will be. And if it never comes, do you think your marriage will last? Yes, there are some that weather any adversity but MANY don't. And they ALL started out with the best of intentions.

 

That's old school. Nowadays the wives are getting more action on the side than a guy can ever dream about.

Mr. Lamour, you da man!

 

Money means nothing when you're in love.

But after you get married...

Boy, will she ever want to retire young.
_

Lamour's pictorial essay is spot-on.
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I waited until I lived for a quarter century before handing my nuts to my practice wife.

Other than that, it's your nuts, so, if you believe it isn't just your endocrine organs doing the talking, what dm_n_stuff said.

 

lamour you may have gone a little harsh

 

Just ask yourself why you really want to get married. Because you're in love? (you can be in love and not marry) Because you know she wants to get married? (bad idea) Because you were brought up thinking that people grow up and get married? (bad idea) Because your friends are married? (bad idea) Because you want to start your life with her? (move-in together, buy a promise ring, wait...)

Taking advice from people who are unhappily married doesn't seem like the greatest idea..the happily married ones are probably banging their wives right now instead of on fchat hahaha

but seriously, look at your options before you jump into something, that goes for everything in life. Maybe she'll be fine with a promise ring and waiting, maybe she'll be fine even without a ring at all.

Don't be discouraged by their words though, every situation is different.

And as far as the engagement goes (if you still do it) Do something she can tell her friends about, if that's the kind of girl she is.

heh you could always wrap it in lingerie that way you both win

 

the kid is 23, he has so much to see and do before marriage, in my opinion. i was married the first time at 22 and wasted almost 3 yrs of my life away. just trying to make him see that he has life by the balls right now.

 

Oh, just you wait until he arrives at the foot of your bed at 3:19 tomorrow morning.......

Oh wait. Try to get that out of your mind. Sorry. g'night.

 

Wow, I am surprised that the anti-marriage contingent is so strong (then again there are enough opinions here that the anti-anything contingent assembles on every topic).

I'm going to say do it, follow your heart. Beyond a basic competence of adulthood and the ability to commit to something with some discipline, I don't think marriage requires some special trait that arrives for everyone at 28 versus 25 versus 21. What people here are saying if they weren't ready in their early 20's is that they weren't ready in their early 20's. That's fine, but it doesn't mean that has to be you. If you are ready to commit and be committed then why wait? There are always going to be rough times no matter what, and there will always be an adjustment period to married life, no matter how mature, smart, experienced, educated, etc. each spouse is. To put it off because of some financial goal or other benchmark just proves to the other spouse (and everyone really) that being married takes a back seat to financial goals or whatever it is you put first.

As for big ideas, don't do a sporting event! But I've heard of cool ones and have even helped some friends with theirs... one friend had a string trio meet him at a Mexican cantina after a nice home-cooked dinner (where the GF was already expecting a proposal and was disappointed). We knew their dessert order ahead of time and immediately on ordering, with the string trio playing a dramatic crescendo, I brought out their fried ice cream with the ring on top. She was so surprised to see her friends dressed as the wait staff that she didn't even notice the ring for a second.

I suppose the best question is, what kinds of things does she like? Art? Music? Parks? Camping? Restaurants? Public places or quiet, alone places? Urban, suburban, rural?

 

First off I missed this: ASK HER HAND IN MARRIAGE????? WTF!!! WHO SAYS THAT ANYMORE?????? Dude you are in over your head. And to pop the ? on her bday? wow, stop watching Leave it to Beaver and start watching Married with Children

You can have a nice ceremony, something symbolic, but if she thinks that you will run off because you did not buy her a ring, sign a paper and do the dance? Then she is totally the wrong girl for you. A ring and paper are NOT going to stop anyone from cheating. It is a trust issue and her insecurity. She is saying I own you and you do something I don't agree with or you become an idiot and I take it all away from you.

23 is way too young, but a long engagement and living together may be exactly what it takes, it is a nice middle ground for you both. Think 1 year plus engagement. When you have to handle her sick, her mood swings, your mood swings, provate time, friends, family and so on, you'll get a better idea.

In my first engagement she was pretty rich. We lived together for a bit and well needless to say I felt like everything I did was to show me off to her friends and family, I felt more like a caretaker/butler/sugardaddy than a fiance. A man is the ultimate accessory for many women. She talked down to my 1st Ferrari, yeah it was a POS, but it was mine It got swapped for a Range Rover she wrecked on Mulholland too, and I had to pay it off.

 

Living together = disaster and substantially increases divorce rates. You can't start the marriage with a half-assed "marriage-like" psuedo-commitment.

All or nothing. Period. "Do, or do not, there is no try."

Tim - I'm sorry your engagement didn't work. I don't think that it was marriage that was the bad part, but your choice in who to marry! A personal analogy: I've had business ventures not work out, and right now I just got out of one deal to go into another startup. My inlaws are upset about it and think I'm crazy to try another, since this one didn't work. I try to explain that it's not being in a startup itself that was bad but certain elements of this last deal - which are quite different from the new one I'm starting. In the same way, engagement and marriage isn't the problem, but picking the right person sure is.

 

OMG!!!!! You said assed????

 

OMG YOU said assed, oh shit, now I said it!

 

.
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classic lol

 

Ass me a question and you get an answer......

 

Stop right there buddy. Abort. Abort.

 

ahhhhh.....( head explodes).....
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I grew up in Texas. I now split my time between Vegas and Southern California.... there is a BIG DIFFERENCE in mindset/culture about marriage. Many of my Texas friends I went to high school with are already married/engaged at 22/23 and want a steady job and a family.... My friends out here on the west coast are MUCH more "liberal" if you want to call it that, and wouldn't even THINK of marriage until at least 26+ or so.

Some people are just more conservative/religious whatever you want to call it. Others are more focused on themself and want a Ferrari and to sleep with a million "hot chicks" before they think they are ready to settle down, if ever.

To each their own. If life with her is what you want, then go for it!

For every person that is 35 and married and wishes they weren't had more fun, there is another person who the opposite and wishes they had a family.

 

My dad's first wife he dated through high school and college, got divorced 4 years later. My mom's first husband was at the age of 19 and lasted 3 years. Me? I can't even see how far down the road it will take to even consider myself taken again, let alone marriage. The thought that your only 23 and wanting to get married, as in only 2 years ago could you start drinking legally just blows me away. I guess it stands right that when you meet the right one, you do. Have you dated around before her much? Make sure you get a GOOD idea of whats out there, it may be the last or only time.

 

Obvious answer....Give her the ring and tell your intentions but insist upon a long engagement in order to make sure for both of you.