Lemons

If life deals you lemons, why not go kill someone with the lemons (maybe by shoving them down his throat).

 

When this girl at the art museum asked me whom I liked better, Monet or Manet, I said, "I like mayonnaise." She just stared at me, so I said it again, louder. Then she left. I guess she went to try to find some mayonnaise for me.

 

Just some more stupid fun....................


One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said, "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.

 

Thats funny!

 

I wish a robot would get elected president. That way, when he came to town, we could all take a shot at him and not feel too bad.

 

If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think how stupid war is, and while they are thinking, you can throw a real grenade at them.

 

Get these cats out of here!!!!!

There stinking up the whole place!!!

 

To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other.

 

Instead of studying for finals, what about just going to the Bahamas and catching some rays? Maybe you'll flunk, but you might have flunked anyway; that's my point.