Is marriage worth it, financially? (for men only)

Something I've been pondering the last few days.

Just got served my second set of divorce papers in the last 20 years of my life

This second divorce is going to cost me dearly, not only in $$, but in my thoughts of ever ever getting married again.

Here's a brief history of my life

I got married in 1983 (bad idea #1) and had a daughter in 1984 (a good thing). I got divorced in 1988-89 after finding out my wife was sleeping with a (so-called) friend of mine. In the divorce decree, I had to pay my ex 1/2 of the equity I had in my home (which I owned before marriage) from the date of marriage until date of separation. This caused me to refinance my home to pay her off (which the court gave me 90 days to do so).

After all said and done, I couldn't afford to remain in the home so I sold it and bought some land. In 1990 I started construction of my new house with my 5 year old daughter living part time with me. My daughter and I lived in a 24' travel trailor on the property for 2 years while completing my new home. I finished the home and met my current wife in 1992. A year and a half later I was married to her (bad idea #2). Before I got married I asked my father if I should have her sign a pre-nubtual (sp) agreement. He said if I went into the marriage with that attitude I shouldn't get married, so i didn't have a pre-nup.. drawn up and signed.(bad idea #3)

In 1996 I refinanced my home for a lower fixed interest rate and at that time my current wife had a job with a modest income so I included her on the title/loan for reasons of an easier time qualifying for the mortgage loan. (bad idea #4)
In 1998 she was fired from her job and never sought meaningful work again.

After a few years life was good and I bought my first Ferrari, a 308GTS. In bad shape I proceeded to install a new motor along with replacing just about every part on the car. After the 308 was almost completely restored, I bought a 348, thinking I'd sell the 308. But since my wife loved the 308 and enjoyed it so much, I decided I had to keep it for her. (bad idea #5)

Fast forward to Oct. 22, 2007: Was served divorce papers today after finding out she's been screwing another man besides me (apparently a new 348 owner). Now the current (soon to be ex) wife wants 1/2 the equity I have in this home, gained since 1996 until present. If that isn't enough then here's the real kick in the nuts. Not only does she want half the house, but she wants spousal support as well, upwards of $2,700.00-$3,000.00/month.

For those of you from California, you know where the price of real estate has gone in the past 10 years or so.

This woman hasn't had any measurable income producing job since 1998. So, like a good little husband, have been paying the mortgage and property taxes and upkeep and utilities and everything else since, and never had a problem in doing so or complained about it.



So my question to my brothers here is what method would you suggest to be the best to whack her and her lover, and to deliver the most pain for the buck?

Please, Just kidding!!!!!

But seriously, unless you want to have children, what's in it for the man to want to get married with the possibility of getting hammered by his wife some day, ie:

First, we get to pay off her attorney, who just got through completely screwing you in court. Then we get to pay off our own attorney, who just got through completely screwing you in court also.

Second, as far as I can tell, men are the whipping boys for these greedy little beyoches. They spend our money as we're busy scrapping out a living to maintain the quality of life we brought them into in the first place. Then tell us we don't spend enough time with them, or tell them how great they look, daily. Then screw us over even more after years of marriage, with help from their partners in crime, the judicial system.

I could go on for days about what's happened to me, but don't feel like writing that much right now, and the thought that nobody wants to read what a bitter divorcee writes anyway.


So far I see ZERO reasons to succomb to the womans demands for marriage, unless you want children of course.

Live with em, use-em and abuse-em my brothern. It's all about saving your (mine is getting smaller, daily) a$$.

Now, back to filling out my income & expense declaratrion for my overpriced (but have no choice) attorney.

 

nomarriage dot com


This pretty much sums it up, and is the course I'm taking;
http://www.nomarriage.com/why_foreign_women_are_better.html

 

Alot of women these days are happy being IHP as long as all her needs are met, rent 'em and if one comes along that has a good education, good career, and has never removed her clothes for a monetary donation(in any way)...Just knock her up and whalla you can still have a kid

Hope you can get through and come out ahead, my dad is still going through BS with my step mom over his divorce....Final decree was 6 months ago but she contested the last week and has not quit with the demands and meanness. Blew thought $175k cash in 6 weeks and had to use his cc to pay her rent for a few months till he got wise and cut the acct....I hope I never have to go through the torment of a divorce.

 

Rivee - I am so sorry to hear about what's going on in your life. I wish you strength to get through this ordeal. And I wish you peace afterwards to heal and get over your ex-wife. I hope the courts will find in your favor as you didn't violate the vows of marriage. It was your wife who cheated and served you with divorce papers - I hope the courts will find in your favor and be a bit more lenient on the terms of dissolution.

 

How does it work that your first wife cheated but still won in court?

 

That's harsh

I don't think there can be a happy outcome for you, so I just hope it goes as well as it can do.

Chin up mate

 

Scary to say the least but how would a woman feel if things are going smoothly and you say "I will never marry you". < Good luck with that.

 

like they say, the number one cause of divorce these days is marriage.

 

No, it is too risky for most and only a small percentage can really make it work.(divorce rates prove this) Some men find it unbearable to be alone so they fall into the wrong situations, come up short and repeat until they are financially drained. In future I'd suggest an arrangement where you maintain separate places or forget it. For those that have found the right one and are truly happy, power to you as it's rare.

 

This is so sad. I hope everything works out as best it can.

+100 I've heard the separate places solution before and think it's a good one.

One thing I can tell you, is that over the years, whenever I wasn't living with someone (includes 'now'), I've been a lot healthier.

 

hard to say. Its only worth it if you found the right person.

but no matter what, i won't get married to someone who wouldn't sign a pre-nup, i wouldn't wanna take one cent from my (future) wife, and she ain't gonna get a cent from me if 5hit hit the wall.

problem is the law favours the women, men would always loose to a crying woman in court.

 

wow...just wow.

 

The law will always favor women. No matter what they say about equality, the fact is that P**** rules. Men are hard wired to that. If you feel the need for a pre-nup, You're playing on the wrong court.

 

Divorce really sucks for the husband. My dad has been through 4. I am happily married (AFAIK), but I hope you can come out okay. Get a good attorney and protect what assets you can, be as mean and cheap as you can now, you will be better off later. Try to keep a cool head and do what your nasty attorney recommends.
Sounds like you married a real *****.
BT

 

In California, you don't need a real reason to get divorced, just file and show up in court. It's called the "No Fault" divorce.

It sucks.

 

i believe OJ is out on bail, contact him.......

ps. i would never get married again............

 

Unfortunately, with today's family laws, you're crazy not to have a pre-nup. Then there's no guess work. Either she loves you for you, or she loves you for your $$$. You never really know someone's intentions.

 

Boy does this hit home!

I think this website nails it for me. Thanks Gabe.

I think I'll be doing some overseas traveling soon.

I think that most men I meet, like the idea of having a partner to grow old with. Actually there's no better sex with a women then from a loving relationship with the RIGHT person. I don't want to grow old alone, as do most men not want this.

I'm in my early 50's now and am disgusted with the audacity and greediness of American women. They all hear stories from their friends about who got what in their divorce and see the $$ signs, and the judicial system, at least here in CA., walks lockstep with them to the promise land, regardless of who did what to who.

It makes me sick to watch these women strut into court crying the blues to the judge, only to walk out laughing in your face.

It really really sucks.

 

I'm sorry this has to happen to you. Best of luck with everything.

As for marriage, why bother with it anymore unless you are spiritual? "Foreign" women become Californian all too easily.

 

Here's a top ten list of a wife's definition of "Loser" I wrote:
View attachment The Top 10 Married American Woman.doc

 

I will always think it's complete bull**** that guys always have to hand out half of their ****, as well as pay child support. Specifically when the female is at fault.

How is that just in any way, shape or form?

How did your wife get half of you're equity from your home? Unless laws are different where you live, anything bought, owned prior to marriage should not go to them.

My college roommates dad found his wife of 25 years was cheating on him. Hired a private investigator and had picture proof. Another friend of mine (he, my dad, this mans daughter and myself were the only ones knew all of this, not his son) over heard a guy at the gym talking about having an affair with a lady. They guy mentioned number of kids, street name and just so much info my friend knew it was "the guy".

She even forged his signature to embezzle money out of his personal account. What happens he just gives in to end the marriage and get it over with asap. He loses the house and settles just by getting his tools and the new Tahoe he had just purchased. Thankfully only child support for one of the 3 kids and at the time she was 16, and the other kids were in college.

My point is why should the women who cause the trouble, besides manipulating the kids to think it's dads fault and lying about EVERYTHING get jack? One daughter read through the lies and put all the pieces together.

I should add that she never worked, and he worked long hours and out of town jobs to support the family and give them a ton. Besides always showing a lot of love.

I just get so mad about this topic.

 

I guess, I'm one of the lucky ones. I'm coming up on my 30th. Wouldn't have it any other way.

Dale

 

Marriage is humble and giving. Marriage is a spiritual bond, an act of unselfishness, a giving of one's self to another, and a promise. A husband and wife's love for each other is as meaningful and important as their own existence, and as permanent and selfless as the love a mother has for her child. If this makes no sense to you, or sounds like a fairy tale, or the first impulse in your mind is to deride this statement, then you probably should not ever consider marriage. I think a lot of people, male and female, in the U.S. have never seen or experienced this kind of love in their lives, and have a difficult time believing in the reality of it. But it happens all of the time.

Marriage is a promise, not a contract.

 

Very well put.

My parents are in their 35th(?) year of marriage. I've never really seen them have any crazy arguments. Not in front of me at least. It's a relationship that has to be built on love, trust, respect, compassion, and compromise.

I know my dad has told me he thought about leaving a number of times, but when it came down to it he didn't. He didn't say why, he just didn't. I left it at that too.

Marriage isn't something that just lasts. It takes effort, a lot of effort. And anyone that's been married for a long time will tell you that. And as you put it Tony, each party has to be unselfish. Everyone these days are so quick to end a marriage after one fight.

I should note, I'm 26 and single. These are things I've heard and observed over the years.