Balancing family, work and an automotive passion

Do any of the members here (that have a family) have any issues balancing family, work, Ferrarichat and your automotive hobby?

I am addicted to Ferrarichat, so I visit this this forum several times a day, but my work is demanding and I am usually at work for 10-12 hours a day. Part of that is the perfectionist in me that drives me to work at 110%. (Blame that on my upbringing and consulting background.) But when I get home, my family misses me and I am pretty busy with the family in the evenings and weekends. That leaves little time to take the Mondial out for drives, let alone time to properly wash/wax the other family vehicles. About the only time I can carve out is between 6:00 and 8:00 AM on Saturdays to get to Cars & Coffee, but I leave around 7:30 to be home by 8:00 for when the family wakes up.

Any thoughts or advise on balancing family, career and hobbies welcomed. I'm finding that I can never meet up with anyone on the forums (group gatherings or otherwise) due to time constraints...

 

Your problem is work.

I only do 6 hr days. enough for me....my wife does a 40hr work week. We like to call it life balance.

If you need to work that much to attain the monies you need to enjoy the hobby, maybe time to find a new hobby.

Im of the mentality, work to live, not live to work. Nothing wrong with only doing 100% at work

Its all what you make it.

Health in 2008 to all !! Happy New Year !!

 

I don't get to drive much during the week, either (also had a consulting background, so lots of travel). I'm busy enough that I had to work up to Christmas this year, and even squeeze in a few hours yesterday (Dec 31) to hit some publication deadlines (I'm an editor.)

I can't help on the family-balance question, because I'm single (there's the answer! ), but I did carve out vacation time around Concorso Italiano. Fantastic event, g/f would have loved it if she had been in town: fashion show, vintage cars, Monterey area.

Also, Coronado/Speedfest is a great event with lots of old cars, and cars on the track -- I would've killed to go that every year when I was growing up. If you have boys 8-18, go! Then there's a La Jolla car show at the cove coming up -- great family area, quiet event, shopping, food, ocean -- can't miss.

FoSD sponsors events, for example a launch of the Maserati GranTurismo at the polo fields in Rancho Santa Fe. My g/f went with me and we ended up sitting at table with a couple (and baby) and made some new friends there. Dave H is getting his F430 this year -- had a 328, so we had tons in common. And, the g/f could appreciate the new Maser unveiling in a fun setting.

I'm in the FOC here, and they have different events that could be fun for the family: Christmas Party, overnight trips, etc. Almost all of this stuff is on weekends.

In terms of pottering around in the garage detailing my wheels, changing wiper blades, swapping batteries, etc., yes -- that will be an absolute bore to almost anybody except us. So I do that alone.

 

Work to live, not live to work! I'm at a point in my life and career where I put in my 4/10 work week and I leave my work at work. You might want to shift your hours to a 4/10 schedule since you are putting in that time each day anyway, then take either Monday or Friday off! I get all my running around done on Friday and then have the entire weekend to play

 

Thanks all for the replies. Agreed -work is a PITA. Unfortunately my job has eliminated such things as a 4/10 work week (as well as significantly reducing annual bonuses and salary increases.) In writing this, I realize I'm an idiot for working hard and long hours at a thankless company. Time to move on... New Year, so new job, right?

My son is only 16 months old, so travelling (or overnighters) is almost impossible. But hopefully I can carve out time in my professional/family schedule in 2008 to finally catch up with everyone.

Happy New Year everyone!

 

Regrettably, eliminating the things in your life is the best answer.

Seamus

 

It can be done if you want it. I'm HORRIBLY addicted to golf. I have 2 Daughters 6 and 8. So, I golf at 6am on the weekends, usually by myself so I can get 18 in by 8:30 or 9am. I'm home by the time they get up. Also, this past year they became interested in golf, so we do it together.
Last March I got my 1st Ferrari. This has created conflicts with both family and golf. So what I've done is alternate my golf weekends and my outing weekends. I have to pick and choose, but I get both in. (I have plenty of Family time on the weekends too!)

In addition to this I've been involved in 2 start up companies in the past 2 years. The first one was a complete flop, (irrational founder) but I put in TONS of hours late at night after my daily responsibilities. (i'm doing the same now) The current one looks really good and should get me to my ultimate car goal of a GT4 and a 355 someday.... There is a sacrifice and that is sleep. Luckily for me I only need about 5 hours or so. (Midnight to 5am)
I guess what I'm trying to say is that the time is there. You say that you put in 110%...could you do the same in 8 or 9hrs? Do you sleep in or take naps? The excercize pros say that ANYONE can find 30-45minutes a day to get in some cardio, I would bet you could find the same and more to dedicate to those things you desire.

FWIW, YMMV

JIM

 

I believe in the work less theory. I rarely work over 40 hours per week (including my Fchat time). I limit my Ferrari hobby to the less expensive side of things (348, maybe a 365GT) so that it does not eat too much income. The family is the most important and I always make time to put US first. This prioritization provides happiness, and that's the goal.
BT

 

One of the greatest things my wife ever said to me was that "my interest/love of cars (etc) was part of why she married me"....it was part of who I am....which makes me an interesting person in her eyes. (This goes both ways in that the "reason" you married your wife was because of the love, interests and things that made her who she is).

As such both sides have to understadn and support both sides loves/interests or you r life will be frought w/ bitterness and despair.

That may be a bit "off topic" to the original question.....=)

The issue is work.

My wife (& "slightly" I are starting a new life/business and are 3 years in to it...it's a sucsess BTW). Yet she still works 14 hrs a day..she's working right now and was up at 5 AM). She is driven beyond belief....in some ways, that's her problem.

If you love/live to work and that's all there is, then that is what you should do.

If you yearn to spend more time cleaning your car, enjoying the success you have achieved, you should do that.

Life is short......way too short!

Cut back on your work, delegate...do whatever it takes to spend more time w/ your family and your passion for cars rather than spending (your time) making someone elses life better/easier (ie...your work).

Best of luck

 

It will get better once your kids are 5+ and much more independent. For years I only had 5AM drives (which in itself is a really good time 3/4 of the year). Now our kids (11 and 13) are completely self sufficient. Even come to a few car shows and drives. We are done hovering, and that will give much more time for me, but also for my wife, to do other things. It used to be a tense issue in our household also, but this Christmas I got a three day Skip Barber race school present. So, there is hope.......

 

I have yet to meet someone on their death bed say to me, they wished they would have worked more.

People that say this are lying to themselves. They do not know how to control themselves...its called "WORKAHOLIC". No different than anyother disease.

I agree with you, life is short and we are here for a short peroid, so balance it to get the most out of it.

just my .2 pennies.

 

Luckily, I got into rehab and got out of being a "workahlic"...=)

My wife is still there.....=)


Yet, if that is your passion (work) ...then it's hard to argue if it's right or wrong.

 

Very tough balance, and it seems many here are in the same boat. I travel quite a bit for work, so when I'm in town and not traveling I'd rather spend time with the kiddos (3, 5). So I get my driving fix by taking it on errands (Home Depot, grocery, etc.) and occasional shows (which the family normally attends). The real problem is finding time to work on it - really I only have time after kids go to bed which doesn't leave much chance to start big projects. I'm guessing it may take 1-2 months for my engine out major

 

Yes, in a world where money isn't at the top of the list of one's issues, I agree that less work and more play would be a very nice option

I have multiple friends who have families and those of us who equally participate in the raising of children agree 100% that hobby time is dramatically cut -- I was a bachelor so I can speak to both ends. What some of the others suggest, if you see the underlying methodolgy, is time management There's only so many hours in a day so use them to their fullest! It's a good way to get back some hobby time

-Accept the fact that having a family will automatically cut into your hobby time. Just like a family will cut into your work time. If your job or hobby take priority then your family will suffer, if not now then in the children's and the marriage's future (hey Bullfighter, did I use the right spelling of those words? Plural and possession always confused me).
-I used to have a job that was flexible so I can highly recommend the 4x10 (four days a week, 10 hours a day) if you can swing it. For me, a 12-hour day was too long.
-Drive your car to work on nice days (if you're comfortable doing so...another highly debated topic!).
-Enjoying your hobby "outside" family hours as mentioned above, like before everyone awakes or (what I do) after they're asleep.
-Find ways to include your hobby with family. For example, take them to car shows or take one child with you (two if you're brave!) if the show isn't held in a park while your spouse takes the other(s). This past week I put a network pass-through in a wall so I could use the internet on a laptop in the living room (computer room is on the other side of the wall). I cleaned and re-installed the OS on my g/f's laptop and set it up in the living room so I can now watch the kids (or Top Gear) while surfing/working. My g/f wasn't keen on the idea but now she really likes it because now I'm not holed up in the computer room and "out of sight". Perception

I agree that the older the child(ren) get, the less eye-balling they require (at least mine are that way).

I'm interested in how other's here get more hobby time in while balancing their work and family life.

Note: Hehehehe, my g/f *just* complemented me again on how she likes having the laptop here in the living room, she knows I can watch the kids better.

 

You use the word Balance...yeah, like thats going to happen. Lets be serious, 90% play, 10% work is a perfect balance unless of course you can find a way to be a proffesional driver...then 100% work seems right. Put the kids on the pit crew if you need to spend more time with them. (obviously JK)

Lane

 

+1 on trying to integrate your kids with your hobbies.

I've taken my kids to crystal cove (and cars and coffee) on Sat mornings. It's tough sometimes (i.e., trying to talk to your buddies, but your kid wants to check out the dog that just went by...), but manageable.

The other thing I've done is gotten my daughter into go-karting when she turned 5. She's really into it, and likes to go almost every weekend. She does the driving, and I am the pit crew/mechanic, but it is great fun for both off us. You could even get yourself a kart (I was going to get one for me, but turns out I get motion sickness) and go out together. My son is 4 now, and is itching to get his own kart. The only downside of this is that it gives me less time for Ferrari related stuff, but at least it is still automotive related. Besides, most of the other dads at the kart track are also car guys, so you've always have someone to talk to about car related stuff, kart maintenance, etc.

The work part is tough. Knock on wood, I have a decent job (time-wise) where I only work about 10 hours/day and not usually on weekends. My problem is, I am thinking about leaving my job, which may change things. I can and do surf f-chat at work, which helps, and I usually find a few minutes in the evenings.

It's a tough balance, but I agree it gets a little easier as the kids get older.

Good Luck,
Dom

 

Do what I did, I was a workaholic too. Because of that, I ruined my 1st marriage, but I was able to sell my business at 37 and haven't worked since. Actually, I did get a little bored a few years ago and got a job delivering for NAPA, making 7 bucks an hour, but that's behind me now!

 

Thanks for the advice everyone! I actually left my own business (IT Consulting) to take a Project Management job with a company because I knew I wanted to start a family and wanted the stability and health care benefits.

On New Years Day, it all came to a head and my wife left me alone to work out my demons in the garage. After washing, polishing and waxing 3 of our 4 cars (Mondial, Murano and C230), I found a new balance. That alone time really helped to get me centered. I then took a 3 mile walk with the family, came home and passed-out for 12 hours!

What I've resolved to do in 2008:

1. I will work 8 hours a day and only 8 hours
2. I will provide 100% effort while at work, not 110%
3. I will take my lunch hour and will leave the office for that time
4. I will find a new job in 2008 that will give me the position (or opportunities for advancement) I am looking for

I already have a wireless network in my home with a signal booster (I live in a tri-level townhouse) and we have 3 notebook computers, 1 Mac mini, and a desktop machine, so surfing the web while watching my son is no problem.

Today was a huge change. I got into work at 7:30 AM. I left at 11:00 AM for lunch (dropping off a resume at a company), worked until 4:30 PM (trying to leave at 4:00) and I got home in time to eat dinner with the family, take my son out in the Mondial for a 20 minute spin, play with my son and surf F-Chat!

Let's hope I can keep this up! I agree with trying to integrate my family into some of the activities. Maybe I can bring them and show up longer for some of the Cars & Coffee events and finally meet some of my fellow F-Chatters! Just look for the big fat Chinese guy chasing a 16 month old toddler!

 

Use of possisive form is correct in your sentence structure!

I agree - I used to drive my car to work (and still do) but people have started noticing and word has spread like wildfire around the office that "I drive a Ferrari" and "I must be over paid..." I know it's all a joke as I'm very well respected and people know I work hard and deliver all that I promise without fail. But I don't want to drive the car everyday to work as I know that people may begin to resent me if I do.

I try to enjoy the hobby outside family hours, but my neighbors don't like it when I fire-up the air compressor at 6:00 AM! Actually, I went to Cars & Coffee but I made the rounds quickly and left, usually without chatting with anyone because I had to be home by 8:00 AM (when my wife and son woke up.) I will see if I can get a reprieve or bring them along...

Thanks again for the useful suggestions!

 

I had been on the same train. I just recently retired after 40 years in the S/C industry. Worked 12 hr days in the office followed by late night and weekend conference calls to Asia. You work like a slave and get great money and you think your family is proud that you do that. Well when you retire (if you don't die on the job) you will find that all you did was not worth it. When you leave a few people will remember you and someone else will take over your desk. I am not *****in about my company or co-workers but the drive that I had to get things done and reap the rewards. Well you can never get the time back so figure out a way to cut back and spend more time with your family. Plan it and stick to the plan. You will be surprised on how better things go. And you'll even have time to drive your toy. I had never worked a 40 hour week in my life and only took 30 days of sick time and I can't tell you how many vacation days I gave back at the end of the year. So figure it out and go for the gold and the hell with trying to be a CEO. It ain't worth it. Oh buy the way you can only put in 100% .

 

In the late 90's I worked my rear end off, and made a lot of money. I also had VERY young kids at home, 4 and 1. I realized that I was on the road all the time, and I was missing the best years of my kids life. Timing is everything. I sold software at the time, and the technology market crashed. I bought my Ferrari in August, then I got laid off in September.

Best thing that EVER happened to me. 4 months later I took a job with my current employer. The pay was about 60% of what I had been making, but I worked 40 hours a week. Period. I travelled, but only about 20%. My office was 6 blocks from my kids school, so I had lunch with them regularly. They grew up, my employer also grew. Fast forward 6 years. I've moved up in my organization, my company stock is at an all time high, I travel when I WANT to, on MY schedule. The kids are older, so I don't feel like I'm missing as much. I still have the Ferrari, the kids love it. They beg me to drive it during the week so I can take them to school in it.

My advice would be: make the correct decisions for your FAMILY. The rest is simply gravy. Work is NOT important.

 

Back in 1995 got laid off after 14 years with a company and I hadn't ever missed a day of work. It was all in the numbers. The problem was I was paid much more than most in the position and they were downsizing for a merger... so the newbies with lower pay and less experience won out! At the time is wasn't obvious, but that was the turning opint in my career. Bounced around a couple of years thinking that the harder I worked and the more hours I put in would make me a more valuable employee, WRONG!!! I was sitting at my computer at home one Saturday afternoon trying to catch up on the 150 email messages I had received on Friday and didn't have a chance to get to during my 14 hour workday and my 3 year old (at the time) came up to me and wanted to play... I started to say "hold on let me finish" THAT'S WHEN IT HIT ME!!! What the #$%^ am I doing???? The next week I quit, took a 6 month sabatical from work and then started to work on contract for 4 1/2 years. Best choice I ever made!!! I managed my schedule around my daughter's school schedule. I volunteered in my daughter's classes and one teacher even told me she had good news and bad news. The good news was that my daughter was going on to 2nd grade, but the bad news was that she was holding me back! Over that 4 1/2 year period of time I built such a bond with my daughter that I will treasure it for a life time.

My suggestion is to "Be There" for the kids, it will never back fire on you. Besides you only get one chance, don't blow it on a company that could care less if you live or die! There is NO loyalty when it comes to business in today's business world.

 

That is so true! I, too, learned that lesson the hard way. Bean-counters will always win over customer service, corporate loyalty, and intangible benefits.