Dealing with a break up?

I guess an update is in order


I've talked to a few fchatters offline and it helped so much so thank you to those people. You know who you are


When we got back to school after thanksgiving, she came over. We got back together (physically and "relationshiply") and it was a great day. We talked about what happened and i realized that i was making a mistake but being the Mr. Nice Guy i am, i kept my mouth shut. She told me she had gone home and people had asked her what went wrong and stuff and she said she didn't believe in love and stuff, which really pissed me off. Her parents are going through a nasty seperation which has really skewed her perspective on relationships. We basically got back together under the premise that we were going to take it very slow and not really spend much time togehter and i was going to give her time to think things through and see if her views changed. 3 days later i called her and told her i couldn't do it and that we're done (i wasn't as mean as that sounds).

We saw each other in class and stuff after that and it was ok for about a week until i realized (with some help) that i just need space because otherwise i'll never get over her. I called her up and she was out so i just left her a voicemail asking her to give me some space and not talk to me and that i'll talk to her when i'm ready. I blocked her #'s in my phone, blocked her on facebook, blocked her on AIM. Everything.

We didnt talk much at all and we didn't even say goodbye when we went on break for Christmas. She called me a few days later saying it was wierd etc etc and i just texted her back saying that i'll talk to her when i'm ready. She called again last week and i ended up calling her in the evening and we talked because she wanted to. I'm not an ******* and she's still my friend and we're going to see each other in class every day so i can't cut her off completly. She's having a hard time not talking to me but i stood my ground and told her i need space. We're going to talk once more before we go back and she said she'll call me in a few weeks.

I've thought a lot about what my relationship her meant to me and while i loved her, i feel i was partly blinded by love. There were trust issues which i won't get into that always bothered me and while I was happy, parts of our relationship weren't right. As i said before, she also changed this year and as sad as it is, she's not the girl i fell in love with anymore. I hope we can be friends and it won't be wierd for me/us (which is why i'm trying to not talk to her and get over her) and as much i miss her (i miss her so so so much), i know this is for the better. I can't be with someone who said she doesn't even believe in love.

Right now, i'm just enjoying my extra free time (and income!) and getting back in touch with myself and hobbies. I'm playing guitar a lot more, reading more and a much happier person than i was during the 2 months that we were back at school. I'm being a lot more rational about it than i was over thanksgiving and when i made this thread.

I saw a saying in New York last week that said "Never regret something that made you smile" and i don't. I enjoyed my first real relationship, i enjoyed her and had some of the best times of my life so far and learned so much (and experienced some awesome Long Island Italian food ) but its time to move on, as much as i miss her and love her. Its for the better.

 

I dress nice and smell good already

? About a month

 

Thanks Duane. Lol

 

Thanks Antony

 

Thanks man. I'm going to try and minimize being around her but like i said, its not possible for me to not interact with her quite often. She's president of one of the business clubs on campus and i'm the vice president. She's also in 3 of my classes. Like i said though, i'm not going to go out of my way to be around her. I go to a very small college (compared to others) and with classes of around 15-18 people (i actually have one with 9 this semester), its harder to avoid her than it would be at somewhere like Penn State.

 

I watched that again with my dad the day after we broke up. Lol

 

For anyone that still cares i saw her today for the first time in about a month. We had class this morning together and despite my racing heart as i walked in, i was actually fine. I sat behind her and was completely fine. We also had an hour business club meeting where i was sitting next to her and we were talking and stuff and we both seemed fine. I was fine talking to her and stuff. I didn't really go out of my way to talk to her or anything and i didn't walk to or back from class with her but so far, i'm doing ok. I think this break has helped us both and i guess it just wasn't meant to be.

I have class with her later too and we'll probably sit next to each other since we don't know anyone else in the class but that should be fine (after all, just after we broke up, we had to sit next to each other in class because of our assigned seats. Kinda awkward back then. Lol). I'm returning the last things she left in my apartment tonight (clothes, a towel etc) and i think it'll be wierd not seeing it in "her" shelf in my closet but it needs to be done. She's still thinking of me because she has a bunch of business magazines that she's going to give me (she gets them delivered to her house because of some group she's in but she doesn't read them so she gives them to me).

I'm still not over her by any means but its good to know its not extremely awkward or heartwrenching whenever i see her. She's still on my mind and i really miss her but i'm no longer blinded by love or whatever and i'm thinking logically about this whole thing.

We're also planning a fun business event thing on Friday where we'll be working together for a few hours which should be interesting. But like i said, i'm not going out of my way to talk to her or see her.