Funniest stuff your kids have ever said...

My 7 year old boys were on a 2nd grade class field trip at the local hospital. The whole class was looking at a skeleton, as one of the nurses was educating them and asking questions...

"Does anyone know how many bones there are in the human body?"

Several 2nd graders threw out answers. My boy said 210.

"Very good! You have 206 bones in your body..."

My son was beaming. Then he looked at the nurse, who happened to be morbidly obese and screamed out: "And how many bones do you have in YOUR body?"

All the adults blew milk out of their noses as they tried to maintain their composure .

 

I don't have kids, but that is Hilarious!

 

My wife and I took our then 6 year old son and his 4 year old sister for a walk. My son was riding his Harley Davidson Power Wheels motorcycle with his little sister on the back with him. They're riding along and being a 4 year old sister, my daughter starts giving her brother a rough time. Out of nowhere, my son yells at her "Stop it or I'm turning around and taking us back home!!!". Well on his way to being a true father!!

 

Hey Post #100 without knowing it!

 

Those are great. I really need a laugh right now. Think I'll keep an eye on this thread.

 

I was on the phone with my daughter last night and she asked me a math question what is 200 + 50 + 7? so i told her 257 then she said now divide it by 2 so i told her 128.5. Her response was

"WOW Mom had to use a calculator!!"

 

HAHAHA!

 

When I was living in McKinney TX, my mother and I were taking my at the time 3 year old daugher (she's 13 now) to go see a kids movie at the local theater, and on the way there I commented to my mother about an obscenely jacked up pickup with gargantuan tires on it going the other direction. I said to her 'Wow, that's a big truck!', and from the car seat in the back came an echo 'that's a big F'n truck'.

I was mortified, and immediately blamed her mother for exposure to such language.

 

My 21 year old once said she was moving out for good!


HAYAHAYHAHAHAAHAHAAHAHAAA HAHAHAAAHAAHAHAAAh HAHAAAAHAAHHAHAAHAHAH.

Wheeew...

That was funny.

 

LOL!

Well, at least she knows a big f'ing truck when she sees it!

 

LOL! There's some good anecdotes in here!

Being only 25, I've not got any kids - however, my parents have often trotted out a few stories about my sister and me (admittedly, I was somewhat more prone to verbal hilarity than she was) at parties, so here's a selection for you:

* * * * *

Story Number 1:

I was about 7 at the time and my sister was about 4; we're in the back of the family minivan, Dad's driving, and Mom's in the front passenger seat. Someone cuts us up something horrible and my Dad had to do an emergency stop. He blares the horn, raises a fist and shouts:

"You-..."​

But stops himself, as he thinks: "No, young children in the back." After a moment's silence, my sisters tiny voice pipes up:

"Ass-hole, Daddy?"​

Story Number 2:

About the same time frame here, I'm 7 and my sister is 4. Once again we're riding around in the minivan as a family. My sister, for some bizarre reason is just sitting in the back repeating to herself over and over again:

"Bottom....... bot-tom...... bott-om....... bottom..... bottom....."​

After a few minutes, my Dad goes:

"Sweetie, I think that's quite sufficient."​

My sister and I exchange confused glances and I pipe up:

"I don't think she knows what that word means, Dad." *I take a moment for reflection* "Come to think of it... neither do I."​

Story Number 3:

Further back in the archives... I'm 4 or 5 years old. My Dad and I were cleaning some leaves out the gutters of the family home and come across two tennis balls I'd lost over the summer. Delighted to find them, I pick up the tennis balls, examine the muck all over them and then wander off towards the back door with one in each hand.

"Where are you going?", asks my Dad.

I reply, "I'm just going to go wash my balls."​

Story Number 4:

I'm very little here, probably only 3 or 4. I can't remember what it was I'd done, but overheard my parents talking about me. My Mom makes the comment:

"He can't help it, it's in his genes."​

At this moment, they notice me standing in the doorway and I thrust my hands into my pockets to turn them inside out.

"There's nothing in my jeans!", I declare, before stomping off to go watch TV.​

* * * * *

Hehehe... I could go on, but I'm starting to feel a bit like I'm hogging the stage. So I'll give way for now.

All the best,
Andrew.

 

When my son was about six or seven we were watching a basketball game on TV and he says "Seems a shame they have to keep putting air into the ball all of the time" I asked what he was talking about and he said "yes, they have to keep putting air in the ball because it keeps going OUT OF BOUNCE"

 

when my son was learning to talk he couldnt say T sounds, it came out sounding like a K.
When we would visit the beach he loved to watch the kites and always got excited seeing them high in the sky. He would yell - look at the kykes !!!
I had to make him practice T sounds and learn them fast !!!

 

Wow, I needed a laugh, those are all good, keep sharing!

 

The more I think about it, I think that's the funniest think I've read in a year.

 

I thought that was clever.

 

My little brother was about 5(?) and sitting at the table with my college age cousin and my mother who were chatting. At some point, little brother knocks his fork off the table and says "awwwwwwwww F__K!"

My Mom, mortified, turns to him and yells "Why did you say that?!?"

Little brother turns and looks at both of them innocently and says "Well, I dropped my fork!"

Mom and cousin almost died laughing

 

We were at church with the extended family for Easter service. Before it started, a VERY old woman stopped to say hi to my father in law. When she left, my 4 year-old niece asked "Who was that?". Her mom answered with "A friend of his." to which the niece returned "A friend of Jesus?" I kept cracking up during the service over that one.

 

Those are great!

 

My youngest keeps us laughing pretty regularly. He's 10 now. When he was about 4, the extended family was at my brothers house for Christmas. My 2 brothers and I were playing Halo on the XBox, blasting each other and having fun. My son walks up and grabs the 4th controller, stands in front of the TV facing us, and says "Who wants a piece of me?".

 

when my son was about 6, 15 years ago he wrote a knock-knock joke:

Knock-knock.

Who's there?

No one.

No one who?

No one Ryan.

(Nolan Ryan)

 

my 7 year old saw a hottie on the ski slopes and commented "what's goin on in my pants? looks like we have 6 more weeks of winter". he's gotta stop watching tv.

kids grow up too fast these days.

 

A neighbor's 3 year old girl was at our house playing with our 3 year old girl. She was holding a pair of grapefruit size balls in the color of blue from one of my daughter's toys. She held them up high and said excitedly to her mother "Look Mom! I have blue balls!!" We all died.

 

HAHAHA...he's going to be quite the ladies man

 

We were finishing breakfast, and I got up to go to work:

"Dad, why do you have to go to work?"

Me: "I've got to make some money".

Him: "Why don't you just get it from the ATM like Mum!"