An open letter to the bat in my garage | FerrariChat

An open letter to the bat in my garage

Discussion in 'Ferrari Discussion (not model specific)' started by JoeZaff, Jun 22, 2009.

This site may earn a commission from merchant affiliate links, including eBay, Amazon, Skimlinks, and others.

Page 1 of 4
  1. JoeZaff

    JoeZaff F1 Veteran Owner

    Joined:
    Aug 5, 2007
    Messages:
    5,459
    Location:
    Philly suburbs
    Full Name:
    Joe
    Dear Vladimir,

    We have lived happily in our home for many years and have not formally met. Let me take an opportunity to introduce myself, I am the guy who owns that Ferrari that you have been pissing on every night for the last week while you circle the garage and eat bugs. I have noticed that you seem to pile all your sh&t in one nice corner, would it be to much to ask that you similarly concentrate your urine. As an alternative, let me humbly suggest you look to the attic or even my bedroom for that matter. Sh&t, I'll raise flies in my living room if you would like, but stay away from the Ferrari. Are you kidding me? Really? There is no place else for you to go but on my prize posession. How about the damn mercedes next to it! Huh? its a big ugly silver blob, nobody would even know. BUT NOOOOOOOO, you got to go for the one thing you know I care about. Have some f&cking respect! Oh, and if you know the guy who decided to powerwash my driveway and aim all the mud at my garage, let him know that I am going to kill both of you with the same tennis racquet!

    Better go hide your ugly bat a$$....tonight you are mine.



    Very truly yours,


    Joezaff


    if any of you have any open letters you would like to post, please do so...
     
    Last edited: Jun 22, 2009
    JoeZaff, Jun 22, 2009
    #1
  2. agup48

    agup48 Two Time F1 World Champ

    Joined:
    Apr 15, 2006
    Messages:
    28,633
    Location:
    Phoenix
    Full Name:
    AG
    Hahaha :D
    LMAO!
     
    agup48, Jun 22, 2009
    #2
  3. Etcetera

    Etcetera Two Time F1 World Champ Silver Subscribed

    Joined:
    Dec 7, 2003
    Messages:
    24,146
    Full Name:
    C6H14O5
    Dear Joezaff,

    This is the bat that lives in your garage and who has been happily pissing on your penile enhancement vehicle. You ask me why I piss all over your car? Well Joe, the reason is simple, even for you, to understand.

    You see, I am just a bat. I am a small, winged animal that prefers to keep to myself. I pose a threat only to insects and not, broadly speaking, homo sapiens as a species, and more specifically, you, as a member of the aforementioned hairless ape club.

    So whilst you were dancing around and screaming like a little girl and waving a broom at me, I was chuckling at the visage of you as a hairless ape that completely lost his nuts at the presence of such a small, harmless critter such as myself.

    The reason why I piss on your vehicle is because I can, and you are powerless to stop me.

    So there.


    Very truly yours,

    Vladimir.
     
    Etcetera, Jun 22, 2009
    #3
  4. toggie

    toggie F1 World Champ Owner Silver Subscribed

    Joined:
    Nov 30, 2003
    Messages:
    19,036
    Location:
    Virginia
    Full Name:
    Toggie (Ron)
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 7, 2017
    toggie, Jun 22, 2009
    #4
  5. JoeZaff

    JoeZaff F1 Veteran Owner

    Joined:
    Aug 5, 2007
    Messages:
    5,459
    Location:
    Philly suburbs
    Full Name:
    Joe
    Dear Vladimir,

    Have you noticed that your girlfriend hasn't been around much. I am not saying I had anything to do with it, but she has been conspicuously absent. Not saying I hurt her...just saying...
     
    JoeZaff, Jun 22, 2009
    #5
  6. Kaivball

    Kaivball Three Time F1 World Champ Owner

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2007
    Messages:
    35,997
    Location:
    Kalifornia
    Dear Vladimir,

    You have until 5pm to leave my garage or this picture will become reality.
    Image Unavailable, Please Login
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 7, 2017
    Kaivball, Jun 22, 2009
    #6
  7. SonomaRik

    SonomaRik F1 Veteran

    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2006
    Messages:
    6,904
    Location:
    Folsom, CA (formerly Sonoma)
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 7, 2017
    SonomaRik, Jun 22, 2009
    #7
  8. Latsyrc

    Latsyrc F1 Rookie

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2008
    Messages:
    2,798
    Location:
    Utah, USA
    Full Name:
    Travis
    Very funny!
     
    Latsyrc, Jun 22, 2009
    #8
  9. Etcetera

    Etcetera Two Time F1 World Champ Silver Subscribed

    Joined:
    Dec 7, 2003
    Messages:
    24,146
    Full Name:
    C6H14O5
    No matter, there are always more bats in the belfry.
     
    Etcetera, Jun 22, 2009
    #9
  10. thecarreaper

    thecarreaper F1 World Champ Silver Subscribed

    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2003
    Messages:
    18,095
    Location:
    Savannah
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 7, 2017
    thecarreaper, Jun 22, 2009
    #10
  11. jasonporsche

    jasonporsche Karting

    Joined:
    May 7, 2007
    Messages:
    192
    Location:
    auburn, al
    Full Name:
    jason gautney
    Good Stuff!
     
    jasonporsche, Jun 22, 2009
    #11
  12. JoeZaff

    JoeZaff F1 Veteran Owner

    Joined:
    Aug 5, 2007
    Messages:
    5,459
    Location:
    Philly suburbs
    Full Name:
    Joe
    One Word:
    Ricochet
     
    JoeZaff, Jun 22, 2009
    #12
  13. UpNorth

    UpNorth Formula 3 Owner

    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2006
    Messages:
    1,769
    Location:
    Quebec, Canada
    Full Name:
    Francois
    Hey Joe,

    Why don't you move the Ferrari in the MB place and vice versa???
     
    UpNorth, Jun 22, 2009
    #13
  14. Solobagpiper

    Solobagpiper Karting

    Joined:
    May 6, 2009
    Messages:
    114
    Location:
    Piedmont, California
    Full Name:
    Mark Frost
    That's good

    Why don't you just hang up a net or some cloth or some kind of flying obstruction for a couple nights so that he can't make his strafing runs?

    You might also want to hang up some crosses in your garage
     
    Last edited: Jun 22, 2009
    Solobagpiper, Jun 22, 2009
    #14
  15. Robie

    Robie Formula Junior

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2008
    Messages:
    331
    Location:
    Hsiang Kang
    Full Name:
    C. Camillo Negroni
    This may be an unwinnable battle. Bats are the most successful and numerous mammals on earth. You could try training him to pee on the Benz, though, perhaps learning from your example?
     
    Robie, Jun 22, 2009
    #15
  16. TLKIZER660

    TLKIZER660 Formula Junior

    Joined:
    Jul 30, 2004
    Messages:
    315
    Location:
    Québec
    A string of garlic might help too!

    Tom Kizer
     
    TLKIZER660, Jun 22, 2009
    #16
  17. JoeZaff

    JoeZaff F1 Veteran Owner

    Joined:
    Aug 5, 2007
    Messages:
    5,459
    Location:
    Philly suburbs
    Full Name:
    Joe
    ROTFLMAO---NOT EVEN KIDDING.
     
    JoeZaff, Jun 22, 2009
    #17
  18. The Ape

    The Ape Formula 3

    Joined:
    Feb 28, 2007
    Messages:
    1,793
    Location:
    Los Angeles
    Full Name:
    Ape
    Pure Genius!!! Im friggin' on the floor laughing!.....

    But this is my favorite part!!!" Oh, and if you know the guy who decided to powerwash my driveway and aim all the mud at my garage, let him know that I am going to kill both of you with the same tennis racquet!", that REALLY slayed me.
     
    The Ape, Jun 22, 2009
    #18
  19. Easyrider7467

    Easyrider7467 Formula Junior

    Joined:
    Nov 3, 2005
    Messages:
    980
    Location:
    Northen N.J.
    Full Name:
    John

    Thats the Greatest !!!! LMAHO LOLOLLLOLOLL. I have to read this again ....

    Hey let us know what the bat says...
     
    Easyrider7467, Jun 22, 2009
    #19
  20. tatcat

    tatcat F1 World Champ Owner Silver Subscribed

    Joined:
    Sep 3, 2001
    Messages:
    11,013
    Location:
    panama city beach FL
    Full Name:
    rick c
    build a bat house. plans are available online. put it where the bat is nesting. he should move into the little house. slowly move the house to a safer location.
     
    tatcat, Jun 22, 2009
    #20
  21. Wade

    Wade Three Time F1 World Champ Owner

    Joined:
    Mar 31, 2006
    Messages:
    32,793
    Location:
    East Central, FL
    Full Name:
    Wade O.
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 7, 2017
    Wade, Jun 22, 2009
    #21
  22. MBFerrari

    MBFerrari F1 Veteran

    Joined:
    Jul 2, 2008
    Messages:
    6,057
    Location:
    NoVA
    Full Name:
    Matt B
    Or wait until the daylight when he is in the house, and close the door. Let him think about his mistake for a while. Put him in timeout. Once he apologizes, take him about 50 miles away, and set the house at the side of the road so someone can come up and ask, "I wonder what type of house this is..." Then they will open it and find out.

    MB
     
    MBFerrari, Jun 22, 2009
    #22
  23. MBFerrari

    MBFerrari F1 Veteran

    Joined:
    Jul 2, 2008
    Messages:
    6,057
    Location:
    NoVA
    Full Name:
    Matt B
    What about Gothspeed? Couldn't he help?
     
    MBFerrari, Jun 22, 2009
    #23
  24. Prugna 328

    Prugna 328 Formula 3

    Joined:
    Sep 10, 2003
    Messages:
    1,233
    Location:
    L.I.N.Y.
    Full Name:
    Gregory
    Let the Ferrari take revenge.Start it and close the door.
     
    Prugna 328, Jun 22, 2009
    #24
  25. Pizzaman Chris

    Pizzaman Chris F1 Rookie

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2005
    Messages:
    3,919
    Location:
    New Hampshire
    Full Name:
    Pizzaman Chris
    just ingnored it. Had to take matters into my own hands. :)




    Just kept coming back. At the end he/she was relocated to a far place about 5 miles away.
    Image Unavailable, Please Login
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 7, 2017
    Pizzaman Chris, Jun 22, 2009
    #25
Page 1 of 4

Share This Page