Addictions That Changed You

I would more than likely assume a portion of us on these boards have suffered from some type of addiction. I would like to share my story, because I have been struggling lately and its good to relate to people that know what it is like. Weed is not a gateway drug for most people, but I smoked a good portion of weed and I never seemed to like it. I then moved to mushrooms but still it did not tickle my fancy. From there I moved to chemicals, DXM, E, and finally to the drug that took my life over...Cocaine. Two years ago to this very day was the first time I have ever bumped. I remeber it perfectly, I went to buy 4 pills for the night and called my guy, he mentioned he had good cocaine so I decided what the hell, I only popped once a month and thought I could bump once a month or so. I bought a piece of very solid coke. I did it by myself in my washroom before showering and getting ready for the night. I finely chopped it and measured a small line. I hit it and jumped into the shower and immidiately felt awake and energetic, happy like rolling but better, I still felt like myself, just supercharged. I got ready for the night which took 20 mins or so, and by the time that I was ready I felt down, slow, unhappy and tired. So I bumped another line, and line after line until the piece was gone. I bought another piece the weekend after and finished it all in an hour. And it slowly progressed to doing it a few times a week. Spending anywhere from 60-100 in a given week. My marks started to drop, and I hit more and more to aliviate my depression. I hit a point where I could not function if I did not hit 4 lines an hour. I would consume an 8-ball everyday which was $200 or so, it adds up. Soon your broke looking for ways to make money, stealing, lying, borrowing etc. You hit and hit and hit, you lose everything. I lost my girlfriend, my grades, all my money, most of my friends. I would binge everynight, never sleep, hit and hit and hit. I would need to hit every 5 mins at one point. I lost 40 pounds, I would look in the mirror and hate myself as I cut another line. I am a tough guy, taken alot, and yet coke could tear me to shreds. Destroy me, leave me shaking on the couch, rip my very existence from me. I was nothing, I lost everything. One day I got in my car and left the city and drove and drove and drove. And somehow got over it, I would yell as loud as I could every time I wanted a hit. And I did it, I broke my addiction after almost a full year. Of course there are some of you skeptical of the strength of a year long addiction, yet coke killed me very quickly. I don't have an addictive personality but I needed it. This was almost 2 years ago, and in the past few months I have been stuggling with alot, I have been so close to buying an 8-ball, but I would be done. It is good to let everything out and to find people to relate to.

 

good luck - you should join NA so that you can get support.

 

I watched a parent with an addiction problem slowly kill hmiself.

Only way you'll EVER kick is if YOU want to. No amount of rehab, therapy, self loathing or depression will do it, unless you're ready. Talking it through with a professional, trained in drug addiction, may help.

Until you look in the mirror and decide you've had enough, you'll want more, and you'll buy more, and you'll use more. That's how it works.

Reading your post, you sound high right now. That post is buzzing at 9000 miles an hour. If you're high, and you've finally had enough, get to a hospital, have a friend or neighbor take you.

If not, go here, now: http://www.na.org/ or here if you're not in the US http://www.canaacna.org/

Call someone, follow the link to your area code, make a call. The life you're saving is your own, but also you'll be helping those that love you, and believe me their hurting over this almost as much as you.

DM

 

Actually, like I previously stated, I am not high and I have not used in a very long time. You may ask why I started this thread, which is very random, but the very thing that helped me through was connecting with individuals who have struggled like I have. During my road trip I met and talked with everyone that would give me the time of day, I met addicts of all sort, and gained new perspectives on everything. Addictions are for life, and it helps to talk with others.

 

Are you doing this to compensate for other issues (i.e. depression)? If you're using it to cope, the real problem needs to be addressed.

 

To compensate for depression, not at all. I am just admitting that addictions are tough, and it takes more than one to pull through. I am also proud of myself for being in a tought few months, but not touching anything.

 

You certainly seem to not include drinking in that.

http://ferrarichat.com/forum/showthread.php?p=139056891#post139056891

(And Dave is right.)

 

Thank you for sharing, man! I know a few people who do drugs & on a regular basis, and wondered how they got there. I don't even like taking aspirin, so watching them snort coke up their nose was making me queasy. Have you considered the support of a modern church to keep up the new healthy lifestyle? Many of the people who go to mine have overcome addictions & stayed off them because of the love and connections they experience once a week there.

 

agree !!

 

If you have a drug addiction, alcohol ain't a good idea either.

Addictive personality disorder means you want to stay away from alcohol and drugs.

Consuming an entire bottle of wine to avoid a cold is just an excuse for drinking.

Making excuses for your addiction is a marker for the disorder.

Oh, I only drink a little. Oh, I only do coke on the weekends, I'm not addicted, I could quit anytime.

Either this thread is BS, or your belief that you don't have a problem is. Assuming your post about alcohol consumption that DrS posted isn't BS too.

DM

 

Sorry...couldn't help myself.
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Cresko,

You say you dont have an addictive personality but you do. You have said you became addicted to coke....there are many who have casually used coke and other drugs for decades and never went to where you did. You have to recognize that to stay on a positive path.

People who tell themselves they dont have addictive personalities are the ones who relapse.

Also, do not hang with anyone who does drugs or drinks a lot. Stay far away from it. This is vitally important.

I dont use anything and drink rarely. I currently have an old friend staying with me while he kicks his drug habit so i watch this transpire on a daily basis. I see the struggle and he is honest about how he craves it when he is feeling down or stressed.

good luck !

You also sound like you want to get some things off your chest. Keep posting and feel free to PM me if you want.

 

I never fell as hard as you did, but in order for me to clean up I had to drop all of my friends. Changed my number and pretty much became a hobbit for a couple of years. Slowly I built up the strength to hang out with friends, to attend parties, and to go to events. My drug was weed not coke, but I can say that I have been weed free since Janet Jackson dropped a breast at the Superbowl. I went through half an ounce that day, and the day after I quit cold turkey. I was going through a couple of ounces a week. Sad thing is, if it ever became legal I would definately smoke it again. Hell, I still crave it now. Just a few weeks ago I really wanted to call my old buddy up and buy a quarter. I didn't, it was late at night so I took a couple of tylenol PM's and called it a night.

I know, I know, I'm substituting 1 drug for another, but I can justify it in my mind for some reason.

To the OP, the craving will come and go. It's strength will vary, you just have to be stronger. I'll be praying for you brother.

 

I think you mean 'hermit' Hobbits are very social...

But congrats on kicking your addiction !

 

The term "addictive personality" is bubble gum science.

 

The challenge is getting your mind to a place where it isn't thinking about the vice all the time. NA is a great suggestion. Uncovering what it is that makes you want to escape can also be helpful so that when those feelings come up you can over come them constructively. I think if you want to be serious about getting clean you must get totally sober i.e. no booze either. Good luck.

 

And your diagnosis is based on what, exactly?

 

Seriously, I am interested in this as well. (Coming from a family with just such a condition.)

 

Im also curious to hear more

 

Dave, Doc, Jer, make room on the bench, I want to hear as well.

 

me too! ready to go...
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You guys are too funny. Don't take it from me - a medical doctor described it best here: http://books.google.com/books?id=Do_jqXDd61YC&pg=PA100&dq=Addictive+personality#v=onepage&q=Addictive%20personality&f=false Same goes for overuse of the term "disease". Overused, slightly inaccurate buzz phrases.

 

Anyone else notice the OP has been very quiet since the outing of his drinking habits while in rehab?

 

OK. I'll give you the term "addictive personality" is a bit misleading. But it certainly is true that some folks have great natural resistance to any addictive stimulus and others are prone to numerous addictions.

I believe it certainly can cluster in families as well; whether nature or nurture, I dunno.

 

Seems perty trolly!