Motivation through degradation

The sad part of her outlook is the implication that you have to own something in order to enjoy it, and that unless you can own the most expensive stuff you can't really participate.

I.e., if you limit your dreams to very expensive material things, you're missing the point.

As far as the dream killers, I never had the explicit "You can't do that" roadblocks thrown at me, but society and parents often guide you to take the easy and safe path. Ultimately you know what your talents are (and aren't). If you're really going to be successful, at some point you have to go with what you're good at and stop playing it safe.

 

You were smart enough to stay away from the controllers and use that negative energy to motivate you to what you really wanted. I believe anyone successful(on their own) has had to learn this.

 

I've done well in life by just pursuing things that interest me. It wasn't my goal to do well, it was just that I refused to be bored. As a nice side effect, I wound up doing better than I ever expected.

The naysayers I encountered were an annoyance more than a motivation, per se, but it is nice to have proven them wrong.

 

Remember, LEASING your dream is also an option. Uhhh, mebbe I'm missing your point.

 

My father always told me that he didn't care what I decided to do in life as long as it made me happy. Happiness he believed was the key. If you truly enjoy what you do it will never seem like work and success and money will follow. This belief served him well all of his life.

 

Hahahahahahah

 

My High School counselor told me that i would never make it to college and that i would be better off taking up some kind of trade/automotive repair type of work.I was too interested in cars and girls to be serious enough to successfully complete college.Two Bachelor's degrees and a Master's degree later,and i always have to chuckle to myself about how her negativity spurred me to achieve greater things.I always worked that much harder when someone would tell me "you can't do that", "you'll never be successful at that".I found the same to be true in my professional career as well.There are times when negative reinforcement gives you the courage to prove "them" wrong.

 

You're ex-gf sounded like a complete *****. My roommate's exgirlfriend was similar. Always negative and always told him you need to buy this and sell this, and this isn't nice enough. Or flat out disrepect one our friends for something he did (driving a monster truck) saying anyone that did that had to be mentally disturbed.

It took awhile for me to realize what it was I disliked about her, and that was it.

I'm really shocked at the attitude of your dad. It's really sad in my opinion that he still says things like that to you.

Over the last few years having been focused on solely wanting to attain this thing or that thing, my attitude has changed completely. I don't care if I'm ever rich, or ever able to afford a Ferrari. As long as I am happy is all that matters to me. After some recent changes of events/tough emotional times it really made me realize how important it is to have a lovely lady along my side that makes me happy. Much moreso than anything material.

 

This is a problem I have, how can anyone with any sort of morals or ethics tell someone they can't do that?

 

Mike

I got that but it was from my friends and family growing up They were all under-achievers who worked menial jobs their entire lives and they laughed at my goals.

Almost all of them worked at the local arcade/minigolf and thats what i was expected to do. But I refused and focused on starting a company even though it meant I was broke while my friends were buying new cars.

I remember when my company first started to take off my dads comment was ' well you really got lucky didnt you'. Not a mention of hard work or sacrifice.

Ce la vie

 

When people predict or assume a negative outcome for you personally, they are projecting their own self-doubt and low self-esteem upon you. They are saying to themselves "I am not good enough, I will not have what I want" and assigning their pending failures onto you. These people are best avoided, even if it is your own family.

 

When I bought my partner's majority stake in the company with a MEGA long-term loan my short-term banker told me that I was comdemned to success...Man, what a motivation!
I told to myself: "You m*****f****** look at me go!"
I reimbursed my former partner 3 years in advance and made payment faster than contracted on my long-term loan...Just to make sure I got my point aroud to everybody.
Today I'm debt-free, no sign up at the bank and my toys are paid for.
Oh and by the way I have an incredible woman by my side and 3 abrasive (LOL) teenagers that I love more than anything in the world!

 

Hey Tex,

My father was much the same way. He wasn't necessarily a direct dream killer by telling me what I could and couldn't (or should and shouldn't) do, but he was very smothering in other ways (he's also out of my family's life now, which brings other issues, but the smothering isn't there anymore which is a blessing). I hope and pray that I do much better by my own children in the future.

I cannot attest to the physical realization of many of my material dreams like the OP can because I'm only 23 and in school, but I do share his and your outlook on the more important things in life. Material gain is fleeting and can come and go, but the best things in life are the ones that are consistent and penetrate the soul, stirring us out of our comfort zones for the better.

To the OP:

Thanks for this post man. It's refreshing to hear someone like you speak beyond what we celebrate here. Not that Ferraris and cars in general are bad, but that we often need to be reminded of where the true value in life lies.

Cheers.

 

I didnt want to waste my breath defending/explaining myself. I just remember smirking and realizing they will never change.

 

I understand what you mean, and thought that as I read your story. The part that stood out the most to me was the "wonderful wife and kids". I completely understand 'being grounded' well. I've had one of the best support systems my entire life through family and friends.

I didn't take your post in terms of 'material things' at all. I knew exactly what you were conveying and I enjoy posts like these. It's refreshing and a lot of time conjurs up past experiences that provide reflection and where you now realize you've gained strenth/courage from.

So true man, so true. A lot of issues problems I've gone through recently have had a positive effect on me, although, i still am pained by it i've gained extra confidence. What hurts us only makes us stronger, it just takes a while to realize it at times.

I'm an only child, and ive been beyond fortunate, they taught me the value of a dollar. My parents aren't rich (well they could be and i just dont know, lol), but I know just how hard my dad has worked since before I was born and there's nothing I can ever do to repay him for the amount of effort he's put forth in providing for me. And while he hasn't directly came out and said it, some things he's done or given me have given him more joy than I received from it. While i've failed a few times, I hate calling in sick if I feel bad because of seeing how sick he worked at times. If he can put in 10hr days with flu and fever I can deal with a headache or hangover. There's just simply nothing I can do to repay him, ever. Except to spend time with him and continue to be best person I can be.

What really turned my attitude around was my mom. I was laying on the couch one day and she leaned over and said something to me about, what i would do when they're gone? (There was more to it than that but i wont go there). But that was a dagger to my heart. The look on her face still kills me. That's pretty much the moment my focus shifted. Seeing the pain in her face hurt so bad.

Of course I told her everything will be okay. But, i'm their only kid so even at 28 they want to see me truly happy. And I think she see's through me that I'm not as happy as I could be or once was. Which is sad, b/c I have nothing to be sad about. But I'm hard on myself. Probably too hard at times.

 

My father told me almost the EXACT same thing.

 

It's a very interesting question you raise, granted my "success" pales in comparison to you guys, I would just like to share a little story about how my parents motivated me.

I am 19 years old, so take whatever I say with a grain of salt, I'm sure to most I'm just another kid. My parents are very hard working, they are both MDs and went to school for 12 years each. Needless to say the bar was set quite high. I was personally sick of seeing them work so much. They are quite successful and I have to admit I was quite spoiled as a kid, although my childhood mostly consists of them working and the housekeeper raising me and my brother.

I graduated high school when I was 15 and started studying engineering at 16. Looking back, I could have been graduating in a few months and gotten a decent government job . I always had an entrepreneur mind, and they warned me against it because of the risk and uncertainty of starting a venture on my own. Being the stubborn kid that I am I still decided to pursue being a business owner, but it was out of necessity. They handed me everything (car, house etc...) but a year ago I got in an accident, it was my fault. I was expecting them to offer to pay for the damages because after all I was a "starving college kid" but I was told I had to come up with all of the money myself. The repair costs were more than I ever had in my bank account at any given time! I borrowed money from my brother, got my car fixed, and started a little construction gig to pay back the money I owed him.

Much to my parent's regret, I also decided not to go back to school, and venture into my own. I saw a niche in RE (what a time to start in RE eh?) and I am currently pursuing it. I don't have the free time that I had before, I am working most of the time, but at the end of the day, I am making more than the people I know at my age, and within the end of the month, will be driving a nicer car than my dad. My parents are still pissed that I dropped out, but like others here, I get a rush from proving them wrong when they tell me "you can't do it".


An easy proof of your hypothesis exists downtown of most cities. Degradation apparently helps strippers pull in 1k a night. That's quite successful, no?

 

I bet you can't go back to school and graduate at the top of your class =)

 

Sounds like you have some great parents, Jason. It's an incredible blessing. And I know what you mean about being hard on yourself, and I'm learning that a lot of times the only person holding me back is, well, me.

I could spend most of my adult life blaming my potentially poor decisions on what my father did to me (just like he did with his father) or I could suck it up and realize that he really did nothing to me I can't deal with and overcome.

Whatever anyone does to you, remember that your lack of control over it is not a sign of weakness. The mature person accepts the reality of all forms of outside influence and simply learns how to utilize them for his own gain.

Cheers.

 

Thanks for the kind words Matt.

My biggest regret is not working harder in college, and actually interning or working period. I worked for my dad, but it still wasn't true, real world experience. Something I stress upon my cousins and younger friends who are just entering college. I tell them to learn from my mistakes and take full advantage of everything that's available during college.

A lot my friends, even to this day still don't understand my lack of desire to take over my dads business. Even though I give them the same answer, I want to figure out the world for myself and become my own person. I'm sick of doing what I'm doing, but with all the uncertainty my dad tells me to stay put for the time being. I'm strongly considering getting into sales like my dad did around my age and he did amazingly well. I think it's a great way for me to truly test myself and grow as a person.

That last paragraph you said is so true. I know any ways i've been wronged, especially recently will only make me stronger. The most recent has taken a lot longer to start moving forward and it still plexes me, why? But I'm definitely better than I was last week and next week will probably be better than this one.

Have a nice weekend Matt.

 

Good for you Mike!

You know I had a person on here say something similar to me (quote above) a year or two ago. I bet I've made more than him since he said that and that's the truth! People that try to bring you down are a liability that's easy to deal with, just get rid of them!