One liners to get back at the missus

Behind every great man is a woman who rolls her eyes

 

90% line of credit on the home.
hang out with me.
Buy another car.
Look at porn on the web.
Facebook
Twitter

 

beauty is in the eye of the beer holder

 

they hate the term "Whatever"
"if not for women life would be a pub"

 

What about

A successfull man is one that makes more money than his wife can spend.

 

tell that to Bob Jane

 

Marriage is like a deck of cards.
To start all you need is 2 hearts and a diamond.
After a few years you wish you had a club and a spade.

 

One of my dads favourites:

"My wife forgives me even when she's wrong."

 

Well this thread was to come up with one liners we can throw back at the missus when she gives us the sh1ts.

Hence i prewarned my wife and told her that a great man once said

"Behind every great man is a woman (who rolls her eyes)."

So everytime she rolls her eyes at me, i remind her that she is just reinforcing the fact that i am a great man.

Hence overtime she has stopped rolling her eyes at me whenever i ask her to do something.

Now we need more one liners to:-

1. Stop them nagging
2. Stop them spending money

etc.

You guys need to come up with some ideas.

 

OK then.

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
'Careful,' he said, 'CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're
cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more
butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to
STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when
you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST
your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt
them Use the! salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!'

The wife stared at him.

'What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a
couple of eggs?'

The husband calmly replied,

'I just wanted to show you what it feels like
when I'm driving.'

 

whats wrong with STFU and stop spending money!! if you say it loud it works for about a month.

 

Behind every great man is a woman that can't control her credit card spending.


Behind every pair of shoes you wear is a successful man paying for them.

 

you married Glen ?

 

There are three rings in marriage......


Engagement Ring,Wedding Ring..............and the SufferRing!


The missues comes home and asks me did I miss her?


I reply..........yeah,.............................with every bullet I had in the magazine!



Told the missus I was selling our Encyclopedia Brittanica collection..........................didn't need them anymore................she bloody well knew everything!









Told thre missus I had definetly married Miss Right.............just didn't know her first name was Always!



P

 

You must have a very comfy couch!

 

Hey, your wife told me that one in the shower this morning!

 

so wait, sally's a guy or a lesbian? NTTAWWT

 

You should know, Sally shared your room in tamworth.

 

ahhh...i bit of both.

 

Yep, a lesbloke.

NTTIAWWT

 

Hey... I resemble those comments!

 

~ A man asked a fairy to make him desirable & irresistible to all women, she turned him into a credit card.

 

The only safe, yet annoying response to use...."Yes Dear"......

 

Yep, tried all the nice stuff and it just does'nt work, you come home with flowers on a Friday and you get peace until around Sunday lunch time, you just gotta fight fire with a bigger fire sometimes.

 

"Marriage is like a besieged fortress.Those on the outside want in,those on the inside want out"...