Aussie joke thread | Page 69 | FerrariChat

Aussie joke thread

Discussion in 'Australia' started by stephens, Oct 17, 2005.

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  1. Aircon

    Aircon Ten Time F1 World Champ
    BANNED

    Jun 23, 2003
    100,524
    Melbourne, Australia
    Full Name:
    Peter
  2. Horse

    Horse Three Time F1 World Champ
    Owner Silver Subscribed

    Dec 1, 2005
    35,422
    Brisvegas
    Full Name:
    Jon
    Just call me Robert. ;)
     
  3. Horse

    Horse Three Time F1 World Champ
    Owner Silver Subscribed

    Dec 1, 2005
    35,422
    Brisvegas
    Full Name:
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    Courtesy of Gleggy...


    The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship.

    Little Sally led off: "I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30," she said proudly, "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success." "Very good," said the teacher.

    Little Mary was next: "I sold magazines," she said, "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events. "Very good, Mary" said the teacher.

    Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. The teacher held her breath. Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk. "$2,467," he said. "$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?"

    "Toothbrushes," said Little Johnny.

    "Toothbrushes!" echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?"

    "I found the busiest corner in town," said Little Johnny. "I set up a Dip & Chip stand and gave everybody who walked by a free sample." They all said the same thing, "Hey, this tastes like dog ****!" Then I would say, It is dog ****. Wanna' buy a toothbrush?" "I used the Gillard approach of giving you something ****ty for free, and then making you pay to get the taste out of your mouth."
     
  4. Aircon

    Aircon Ten Time F1 World Champ
    BANNED

    Jun 23, 2003
    100,524
    Melbourne, Australia
    Full Name:
    Peter
    #1705 Aircon, May 31, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 7, 2017
  5. Aircon

    Aircon Ten Time F1 World Champ
    BANNED

    Jun 23, 2003
    100,524
    Melbourne, Australia
    Full Name:
    Peter
    #1706 Aircon, May 31, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 7, 2017
  6. sallycarrera

    sallycarrera Karting

    Jul 28, 2010
    166
    My pet rabbit died yesterday...




    Now he's just some bunny that I used to know...
     
  7. alexm

    alexm F1 Veteran

    Sep 6, 2004
    5,223
    Coast up from Sydney
    Full Name:
    Alex
    #1708 alexm, Jun 1, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 7, 2017
  8. alexm

    alexm F1 Veteran

    Sep 6, 2004
    5,223
    Coast up from Sydney
    Full Name:
    Alex
    #1709 alexm, Jun 1, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 7, 2017
  9. Aircon

    Aircon Ten Time F1 World Champ
    BANNED

    Jun 23, 2003
    100,524
    Melbourne, Australia
    Full Name:
    Peter
    He's always loved a discreet back entrance. So does Pap.
     
  10. PAP 348

    PAP 348 Ten Time F1 World Champ
    Lifetime Rossa Owner

    Dec 10, 2005
    100,245
    Mount Isa, Australia
    Full Name:
    Pap
    #1711 PAP 348, Jun 1, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 7, 2017
  11. moretti

    moretti Five Time F1 World Champ
    Lifetime Rossa Owner

    Nov 1, 2003
    59,756
    Australia
    Full Name:
    John
  12. alexm

    alexm F1 Veteran

    Sep 6, 2004
    5,223
    Coast up from Sydney
    Full Name:
    Alex
    It's beyond disgraceful - you only have to see the continuing negligent/incompetent low standards applied to obtaining a driver's licence to know when officials quote "safety" in the same breath as new camera declarations you are listening to a gross hypocrite.

    I couldn't decide whether to laugh or cry when the fatal truck crash in Urunga was quoted as part of reason to re-activate and install new cameras.. when in fact that crash was a very drunk car driver who swerved into the truck's path .. "speed" wasn't even a tiny factor at all .. it just got lumped into the whole spiel as if it was a given and these cameras are all about "safety".. there's not a jot of honesty or integrity or competence in any of their utterings on this topic .. typical of our current day pollies however.
     
  13. FazzerPorscheman

    FazzerPorscheman F1 World Champ

    Jul 28, 2010
    15,291
    Piz Gloria
    Full Name:
    EnzoFerdinand
  14. Aircon

    Aircon Ten Time F1 World Champ
    BANNED

    Jun 23, 2003
    100,524
    Melbourne, Australia
    Full Name:
    Peter
  15. I16

    I16 Formula 3

    Sep 15, 2008
    2,188
    #1717 I16, Jun 3, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 7, 2017
  16. sallycarrera

    sallycarrera Karting

    Jul 28, 2010
    166
    I'd hate to be a dragon

    I'd get so angry trying to blow out my birthday candles
     
  17. FazzerPorscheman

    FazzerPorscheman F1 World Champ

    Jul 28, 2010
    15,291
    Piz Gloria
    Full Name:
    EnzoFerdinand
    Oh no!
     
  18. Horse

    Horse Three Time F1 World Champ
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    Dec 1, 2005
    35,422
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    Jon
    So, what's an "Angry Dragon"?

    ;)
     
  19. FazzerPorscheman

    FazzerPorscheman F1 World Champ

    Jul 28, 2010
    15,291
    Piz Gloria
    Full Name:
    EnzoFerdinand
  20. Horse

    Horse Three Time F1 World Champ
    Owner Silver Subscribed

    Dec 1, 2005
    35,422
    Brisvegas
    Full Name:
    Jon
  21. kena

    kena Formula 3

    May 20, 2007
    1,607
    Salt Ash
    Full Name:
    Ken Abrahams
    ''There are very few countries, if any … which actually give warnings,'' he said of mobile cameras. ''Those of our members who do speed from time to time want to make sure there is no entrapment.' (from JM's link)
    Got to love the NRMA spokesperson.I guess he hasn't seen the unmarked grey Commondore Ute working the F3 when he talks of entrapment.
     
  22. wang

    wang Formula 3

    Feb 23, 2004
    1,998
    Brunei
    Full Name:
    H. Wang
    Two well-dressed ladies happened to start-up a conversation during an endless wait in Brisbane Airport Terminal. The first lady was an arrogant Victorian married to a wealthy businessman. The second was a well-mannered elderly woman from Mount Isa, Queensland.

    After a little while, the*Victorian woman started by saying, "When my first child *was born, my husband built a beautiful mansion for me."

    The lady from Mount Isa commented, "Well, isn't that precious?"

    The first woman continued, "When my second child was born, my husband bought me a beautiful Mercedes-Benz."

    Again, the lady from Mount Isa commented, "Well, isn't that precious?"

    The first woman went on, "Then, when my third child was born, my husband bought me this exquisite diamond bracelet."

    Yet again, the Mount Isa lady commented, "Well, isn't that precious?"

    The first woman then asked, "What did your husband buy for you when you had your first child?"

    “My husband sent me to charm school," declared the Mount Isa lady.

    "Charm school?" the first woman cried, "Oh, my Lord! What could they teach you??"

    The Mount Isa lady responded, "Well as an example... instead of saying, "Who gives a ****?", I learned to say, "Well, isn't that precious?"
     
  23. moretti

    moretti Five Time F1 World Champ
    Lifetime Rossa Owner

    Nov 1, 2003
    59,756
    Australia
    Full Name:
    John
    I use to work for your dad, Dr An Wang :p
     

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