Aussie joke thread | Page 82 | FerrariChat

Aussie joke thread

Discussion in 'Australia' started by stephens, Oct 17, 2005.

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  1. Aircon

    Aircon Ten Time F1 World Champ
    BANNED

    Jun 23, 2003
    100,524
    Melbourne, Australia
    Full Name:
    Peter
    #2026 Aircon, Sep 6, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 7, 2017
  2. b27

    b27 F1 World Champ

    Oct 11, 2007
    15,781
    Melbourne, Australia
    Full Name:
    Brett
    We better rush and put a desal plant in because we are running out of water. :rolleyes:
     
  3. Aircon

    Aircon Ten Time F1 World Champ
    BANNED

    Jun 23, 2003
    100,524
    Melbourne, Australia
    Full Name:
    Peter
    Seemed like a good idea at the time.

    I'm about to hop on my electric scooter and ride over the westgate. Nice knowing you all!
     
  4. b27

    b27 F1 World Champ

    Oct 11, 2007
    15,781
    Melbourne, Australia
    Full Name:
    Brett
    Ummm, somehow I don't think that's a good idea PP. I'm sure there are some that would be happy, but I would suggest using Skype. ;)
     
  5. Ossie

    Ossie Formula Junior
    Owner

    May 20, 2009
    666
    Melbourne, Australia
    Full Name:
    Owen
    #2030 Ossie, Sep 6, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 7, 2017
  6. Aircon

    Aircon Ten Time F1 World Champ
    BANNED

    Jun 23, 2003
    100,524
    Melbourne, Australia
    Full Name:
    Peter
    Probably a Toyota employee
     
  7. 360C

    360C F1 World Champ
    Lifetime Rossa Owner

    And what did he expect for $2.50 ?
     
  8. Aircon

    Aircon Ten Time F1 World Champ
    BANNED

    Jun 23, 2003
    100,524
    Melbourne, Australia
    Full Name:
    Peter
    Men. When women ask for your opinion, they don't want to hear your opinion. They want to hear their opinion in a deeper voice.
     
  9. moretti

    moretti Five Time F1 World Champ
    Lifetime Rossa Owner

    Nov 1, 2003
    59,756
    Australia
    Full Name:
    John
    I respect my wife's opinion, no matter how wrong she is :p
     
  10. Aircon

    Aircon Ten Time F1 World Champ
    BANNED

    Jun 23, 2003
    100,524
    Melbourne, Australia
    Full Name:
    Peter
    #2035 Aircon, Sep 6, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 7, 2017
  11. Horse

    Horse Three Time F1 World Champ
    Owner Silver Subscribed

    Dec 1, 2005
    35,422
    Brisvegas
    Full Name:
    Jon
    I find a dog more practical.
     
  12. vegas1

    vegas1 F1 Rookie

    Jul 28, 2004
    4,202
    Australia
    An oldie but a goodie:

    Nymphomaniac Convention

    A man boarded an aircraft at London's Heathrow Airport bound for New York, and taking his seat as he settled in, he noticed a very beautiful woman boarding the plane.
    He realised she was heading straight toward his seat and bingo - she took the seat right beside him.

    "Hello", he blurted out, "Business trip or vacation?"

    She turned, smiled enchantingly and said, "Business. I'm going to the annual nymphomaniac convention in the United States ..."

    He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting for nymphomaniacs!

    Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"

    "Lecturer," she responded,” I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.."

    "Really", he smiled, "what myths are those?"

    "Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well endowed when, in fact, it's the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.
    Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Greek descent.
    We have also found that the best potential lovers in all categories are the Irish."

    Suddenly the woman became uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said. "I really shouldn't be discussing this with you, I don't even know your name!"

    "Tonto," the man said. "Tonto Papadopoulos, but my friends call me Paddy."
     
  13. simon klein

    simon klein Two Time F1 World Champ
    Owner

    Feb 25, 2009
    29,906
    North Qld
    Full Name:
    simon klein
    Old or otherwise,it made me laugh.
     
  14. vegas1

    vegas1 F1 Rookie

    Jul 28, 2004
    4,202
    Australia
    I wonder if Tonto is related to our Pap.....lol
     
  15. Aircon

    Aircon Ten Time F1 World Champ
    BANNED

    Jun 23, 2003
    100,524
    Melbourne, Australia
    Full Name:
    Peter
    Not if he's "hung"
     
  16. Aircon

    Aircon Ten Time F1 World Champ
    BANNED

    Jun 23, 2003
    100,524
    Melbourne, Australia
    Full Name:
    Peter
    #2041 Aircon, Sep 6, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 7, 2017
  17. Aircon

    Aircon Ten Time F1 World Champ
    BANNED

    Jun 23, 2003
    100,524
    Melbourne, Australia
    Full Name:
    Peter
    #2042 Aircon, Sep 10, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 7, 2017
  18. FazzerPorscheman

    FazzerPorscheman F1 World Champ

    Jul 28, 2010
    15,291
    Piz Gloria
    Full Name:
    EnzoFerdinand
    #2043 FazzerPorscheman, Sep 11, 2012
    Last edited: Sep 11, 2012
    Your new Avatar?
     
  19. Aircon

    Aircon Ten Time F1 World Champ
    BANNED

    Jun 23, 2003
    100,524
    Melbourne, Australia
    Full Name:
    Peter
    pardon?
     
  20. FazzerPorscheman

    FazzerPorscheman F1 World Champ

    Jul 28, 2010
    15,291
    Piz Gloria
    Full Name:
    EnzoFerdinand
    Sorry, now edited.
     
  21. Aircon

    Aircon Ten Time F1 World Champ
    BANNED

    Jun 23, 2003
    100,524
    Melbourne, Australia
    Full Name:
    Peter
    no no no...I LOVE my avatar!
     
  22. vegas1

    vegas1 F1 Rookie

    Jul 28, 2004
    4,202
    Australia
    .... only given to exonerated prisoners
     
  23. FazzerPorscheman

    FazzerPorscheman F1 World Champ

    Jul 28, 2010
    15,291
    Piz Gloria
    Full Name:
    EnzoFerdinand
    A prisoner escapes from his Victorian prison where he had been held for 15 years. As he runs away, he finds a house and breaks into it. He finds a young couple in bed. He gets the guy out of the bed, ties him up to a chair, ties the woman to the bed and while he gets on top of her, he kisses her on the neck, then gets up, and goes to the bathroom.

    While he is there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy is a prisoner, look at his clothes! He probably spent a lot of time in prison, and has not seen a woman in years. I saw the way he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, just do what he tells you, give him satisfaction. This guy must be dangerous, if he gets angry, he will kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you!"

    To which the wife responds, "I am glad you think that way. Sure, he has not seen a woman in years, but he was not kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he found you very sexy, and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too...!"
     
  24. Horse

    Horse Three Time F1 World Champ
    Owner Silver Subscribed

    Dec 1, 2005
    35,422
    Brisvegas
    Full Name:
    Jon
    What did you say then?
     
  25. greg246

    greg246 Two Time F1 World Champ
    Owner Silver Subscribed

    Jun 2, 2004
    26,719
    You so phat big boy!
     

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