Oh SUV, how I detest Thee

Thy very purpose is mediocrity,
You cannot be driven with velocity.
While "sport" is in your name to create appeal,
You are more akin to a Frigidaire on wheels.
You cannot really tow a manly payload,
And you are to a sports car as a cheetah is to a toad.
Ubiquitously you appear in every left lane,
But not to pass, instead to be a rolling chicane.
You wear fancy brush guards with pride,
But come time to go off road you will hide.
You somehow are classified as a truck,
Only so you can avoid gas-guzzler tax and tell conservationists you don't give a f**k.
You do nothing well when it comes to driving as play
And your most important feature is cup holder count and video dislplay.
You claim to be a safety best buy,
But only because your size will hopefully mean the car you hit will die.
Oh SUV, how I detest thee,
You symbolize the new 'Merican obesity.

 

That was excellent.

 

Keith doesn't say much, but when he does . . . he says a lot.

 

Thanks for sharing that!

 

bravo.

(and I love SUVs)

 

The analogy "and you are to a sports car as a cheetah is to a toad" is backwards.

"A sports car is to you what a cheetah is to a toad."

 

Four empty Thules!

 

Porsche cayenne excluded of course.
Ed

 

I just did the unthinkable and sold my fun car for an SUV, now I'm wondering why I didn't do it sooner. Granted I actually tow with it and take it off road. But darn it if I'm not ruined for life now. I'm a believer.

 

Nice!

 

sometimes it's the perfect tool for the job.

 

Ideally I would have gotten a 4 door Tacoma but those are a bit spendy. At the end of the day I have a near bulletproof SUV with a factory locking differential so I'm happy with what I have.

 

Brilliant!!

When will the single be released?

 

Here's a true SUV:

• 0–60 time of 6.8 seconds
• A towing capacity of 8,300 lbs.


[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=heSVK8s-gfo[/ame]

 

One of the reasons I need one

 

But of course it's easy to just hurt yourself all alone in a SUV. A one-vehicle incident at MotorSPort Ranch when the Ft. Worth po-po just HAD to practice high speed pursuits in a Tahoe. Nothing "sport" at all about an SUV - I even detest the name "SUV."
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Agree, SUVs are pathetic.

Now, on the other hand, crossovers...

 

I would loved to have heard his call to his chief explaining this incident.

 

I've had plenty of good times in a Range Rover Classic. Drove my MTB and I to remote locals in perfect comfort. Got me through some nasty weather and terrain. Wish I had it back. I consider it to be brilliant at what it was designed for-no different than my sportscars.

Funny piece though.

 

Why do I have an SUV?

Because my 355 won't tow my boat. It won't carry me, my wife, our son, two kayaks, two dogs, and a metric buttload of camping gear down an 8 mile dirt road to reach the river. It won't haul 1500 pounds or mortar and concrete mix home from Lowe's. It also won't do stuff like this:

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I love my Range Rover. Ten years of brilliant service and still going strong and looking great.

 

Why, it's the perfect acronym for them... it does mean Stupid Useless Vehicle, doesn't it?

I detest the people that drive them more often than the vehicles themselves. For every one person that can actually justify driving one, because they have need of the capacity or capability, there are 20 more running around alone in one, and they haven't even got a hitch on it.

Ever notice that the bigger the SUV, the tinier the woman driving it? Over-compensating: not just for penises anymore. It really does seem that they're constantly on the phone, or twisted around backwards, yelling at their spawn, anything but paying attention to what they're doing.... and why would they, they're driving a "tank" and they're totally impervious to harm, at least they think they are.

It really pays to treat ones you see in traffic like you would an unexpectedly encountered rhinoceros. They can't see for shet, but will trample you in a heartbeat, so no sudden moves, and give them a wide berth.

 

I grew up with my father having Land Cruisers, Land Rovers, etc. as his daily driver. This was the time before "SUVs" became a household moniker and we lived outside the US (where rural roads actually meant no pavement). Great memories. I have nothing against SUVs, but I do smirk at their actual use versus their intended use. But then again, one can make a similar argument about supercars.

When I first heard the term SUV, I actually thought of the 911 - the most utilitarian sports car I've ever owned. Plants, rocks, winter sports gear, lumber, appliances, dogs, cycling, tires, car parts - you name it; I've likely transported them in 911s.

Now, I'm on my second Cayenne - the most sporty utility vehicle I've owned. The Cayenne's biggest benefit for me beyond what the 911 can do is the ability to tow race cars.

Actual use versus intended use...

 

Funny... so you see my 110 pound wife driving the Explorer to work and make so many assumptions. (You also can't see the class III hitch on the newer ones as they are covered by a bumper piece when not used). But when you see us tow the boat or the motorcycles it's ok. Or when we go up to the farm on the roads our car cannot pass it's ok. Or when we take two other couples to dinner and seat six it's ok. Hell, we've also managed 20 mpg over the last 30K miles in this one versus the 15.5 from the 2003 we had.

Soooo much better than a pickup for our use.

I never realized how many people hated my wife based on seeing her drive to work. hahahaha (although she is not quite in the target sample as she doesn't do her makeup or chat on the cellphone or text or even yell at the kid... I am the one who drives the kid around. In the Mondial).

 

friends don't let friends drive SUVs