Oh SUV, how I detest Thee | FerrariChat

Oh SUV, how I detest Thee

Discussion in 'General Automotive Discussion' started by kverges, Sep 29, 2012.

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  1. kverges

    kverges F1 Rookie

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    Thy very purpose is mediocrity,
    You cannot be driven with velocity.
    While "sport" is in your name to create appeal,
    You are more akin to a Frigidaire on wheels.
    You cannot really tow a manly payload,
    And you are to a sports car as a cheetah is to a toad.
    Ubiquitously you appear in every left lane,
    But not to pass, instead to be a rolling chicane.
    You wear fancy brush guards with pride,
    But come time to go off road you will hide.
    You somehow are classified as a truck,
    Only so you can avoid gas-guzzler tax and tell conservationists you don't give a f**k.
    You do nothing well when it comes to driving as play
    And your most important feature is cup holder count and video dislplay.
    You claim to be a safety best buy,
    But only because your size will hopefully mean the car you hit will die.
    Oh SUV, how I detest thee,
    You symbolize the new 'Merican obesity.
     
  2. HH11

    HH11 F1 Rookie Rossa Subscribed

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    That was excellent.
     
  3. wax

    wax Five Time F1 World Champ Lifetime Rossa

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    Keith doesn't say much, but when he does . . . he says a lot.
     
  4. ScuderiaWithStickPlease

    ScuderiaWithStickPlease F1 World Champ

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    Thanks for sharing that!
     
  5. GuyIncognito

    GuyIncognito Nine Time F1 World Champ Silver Subscribed

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    bravo. :D

    (and I love SUVs)
     
  6. opencollector

    opencollector Formula Junior

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    The analogy "and you are to a sports car as a cheetah is to a toad" is backwards.

    "A sports car is to you what a cheetah is to a toad."
     
  7. Isobel

    Isobel F1 World Champ

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    Four empty Thules!
     
  8. Edward 96GTS

    Edward 96GTS F1 World Champ Silver Subscribed

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    Porsche cayenne excluded of course.
    Ed
     
  9. S Brake

    S Brake F1 World Champ

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    I just did the unthinkable and sold my fun car for an SUV, now I'm wondering why I didn't do it sooner. Granted I actually tow with it and take it off road. But darn it if I'm not ruined for life now. I'm a believer.
     
  10. TexFerrari

    TexFerrari Formula 3

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  11. GuyIncognito

    GuyIncognito Nine Time F1 World Champ Silver Subscribed

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    sometimes it's the perfect tool for the job.
     
  12. S Brake

    S Brake F1 World Champ

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    Ideally I would have gotten a 4 door Tacoma but those are a bit spendy. At the end of the day I have a near bulletproof SUV with a factory locking differential so I'm happy with what I have.
     
  13. Bullfighter

    Bullfighter Two Time F1 World Champ Lifetime Rossa Owner

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    Brilliant!!

    When will the single be released?
     
  14. Wade

    Wade Three Time F1 World Champ Owner

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    Here's a true SUV:

    • 0–60 time of 6.8 seconds
    • A towing capacity of 8,300 lbs.


    [ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=heSVK8s-gfo[/ame]
     
  15. Craigy

    Craigy Formula 3

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    One of the reasons I need one :D
     
  16. kverges

    kverges F1 Rookie

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    But of course it's easy to just hurt yourself all alone in a SUV. A one-vehicle incident at MotorSPort Ranch when the Ft. Worth po-po just HAD to practice high speed pursuits in a Tahoe. Nothing "sport" at all about an SUV - I even detest the name "SUV."
    Image Unavailable, Please Login
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 7, 2017
  17. Bullfighter

    Bullfighter Two Time F1 World Champ Lifetime Rossa Owner

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    Agree, SUVs are pathetic.

    Now, on the other hand, crossovers...
     
  18. texasmr2

    texasmr2 Two Time F1 World Champ BANNED

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    I would loved to have heard his call to his chief explaining this incident.
     
  19. ForzaV12

    ForzaV12 Formula 3

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    I've had plenty of good times in a Range Rover Classic. Drove my MTB and I to remote locals in perfect comfort. Got me through some nasty weather and terrain. Wish I had it back. I consider it to be brilliant at what it was designed for-no different than my sportscars.

    Funny piece though.
     
  20. nathandarby67

    nathandarby67 F1 Veteran Owner

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  21. Jack-the-lad

    Jack-the-lad Seven Time F1 World Champ Owner Silver Subscribed

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    I love my Range Rover. Ten years of brilliant service and still going strong and looking great.
     
  22. ApexOversteer

    ApexOversteer F1 Veteran

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    Why, it's the perfect acronym for them... it does mean Stupid Useless Vehicle, doesn't it?

    I detest the people that drive them more often than the vehicles themselves. For every one person that can actually justify driving one, because they have need of the capacity or capability, there are 20 more running around alone in one, and they haven't even got a hitch on it.

    Ever notice that the bigger the SUV, the tinier the woman driving it? Over-compensating: not just for penises anymore. It really does seem that they're constantly on the phone, or twisted around backwards, yelling at their spawn, anything but paying attention to what they're doing.... and why would they, they're driving a "tank" and they're totally impervious to harm, at least they think they are.

    It really pays to treat ones you see in traffic like you would an unexpectedly encountered rhinoceros. They can't see for shet, but will trample you in a heartbeat, so no sudden moves, and give them a wide berth.
     
  23. mclaudio

    mclaudio Formula 3

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    I grew up with my father having Land Cruisers, Land Rovers, etc. as his daily driver. This was the time before "SUVs" became a household moniker and we lived outside the US (where rural roads actually meant no pavement). Great memories. I have nothing against SUVs, but I do smirk at their actual use versus their intended use. But then again, one can make a similar argument about supercars.

    When I first heard the term SUV, I actually thought of the 911 - the most utilitarian sports car I've ever owned. Plants, rocks, winter sports gear, lumber, appliances, dogs, cycling, tires, car parts - you name it; I've likely transported them in 911s.

    Now, I'm on my second Cayenne - the most sporty utility vehicle I've owned. The Cayenne's biggest benefit for me beyond what the 911 can do is the ability to tow race cars.

    Actual use versus intended use...
     
  24. Statler

    Statler F1 World Champ

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    Funny... so you see my 110 pound wife driving the Explorer to work and make so many assumptions. (You also can't see the class III hitch on the newer ones as they are covered by a bumper piece when not used). But when you see us tow the boat or the motorcycles it's ok. Or when we go up to the farm on the roads our car cannot pass it's ok. Or when we take two other couples to dinner and seat six it's ok. Hell, we've also managed 20 mpg over the last 30K miles in this one versus the 15.5 from the 2003 we had.

    Soooo much better than a pickup for our use.

    I never realized how many people hated my wife based on seeing her drive to work. hahahaha (although she is not quite in the target sample as she doesn't do her makeup or chat on the cellphone or text or even yell at the kid... I am the one who drives the kid around. In the Mondial).




     
  25. parkerfe

    parkerfe F1 World Champ

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    friends don't let friends drive SUVs
     

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