Oh SUV, how I detest Thee | FerrariChat

Oh SUV, how I detest Thee

Discussion in 'General Automotive Discussion' started by kverges, Sep 29, 2012.

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  1. kverges

    kverges F1 Rookie

    Nov 18, 2003
    3,179
    Dallas
    Full Name:
    Keith Verges
    Thy very purpose is mediocrity,
    You cannot be driven with velocity.
    While "sport" is in your name to create appeal,
    You are more akin to a Frigidaire on wheels.
    You cannot really tow a manly payload,
    And you are to a sports car as a cheetah is to a toad.
    Ubiquitously you appear in every left lane,
    But not to pass, instead to be a rolling chicane.
    You wear fancy brush guards with pride,
    But come time to go off road you will hide.
    You somehow are classified as a truck,
    Only so you can avoid gas-guzzler tax and tell conservationists you don't give a f**k.
    You do nothing well when it comes to driving as play
    And your most important feature is cup holder count and video dislplay.
    You claim to be a safety best buy,
    But only because your size will hopefully mean the car you hit will die.
    Oh SUV, how I detest thee,
    You symbolize the new 'Merican obesity.
     
  2. HH11

    HH11 F1 Rookie
    Rossa Subscribed

    Sep 4, 2010
    3,344
    That was excellent.
     
  3. wax

    wax Five Time F1 World Champ
    Lifetime Rossa

    Jul 20, 2003
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    Dirty Harry
    Keith doesn't say much, but when he does . . . he says a lot.
     
  4. ScuderiaWithStickPlease

    ScuderiaWithStickPlease F1 World Champ

    Dec 17, 2007
    10,263
    NY Metro
    Thanks for sharing that!
     
  5. GuyIncognito

    GuyIncognito Nine Time F1 World Champ
    Silver Subscribed

    Jun 30, 2007
    99,790
    bravo. :D

    (and I love SUVs)
     
  6. opencollector

    opencollector Formula Junior

    Feb 1, 2005
    424
    CA Central Coast
    Full Name:
    Thomas
    The analogy "and you are to a sports car as a cheetah is to a toad" is backwards.

    "A sports car is to you what a cheetah is to a toad."
     
  7. Isobel

    Isobel F1 World Champ

    Jun 30, 2007
    10,630
    On a Wave's Chicane
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    Is, Izzy for Australians
    Four empty Thules!
     
  8. Edward 96GTS

    Edward 96GTS F1 World Champ
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    Nov 1, 2003
    11,080
    Porsche cayenne excluded of course.
    Ed
     
  9. S Brake

    S Brake F1 World Champ

    Aug 3, 2006
    17,182
    Utah
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    Dave
    I just did the unthinkable and sold my fun car for an SUV, now I'm wondering why I didn't do it sooner. Granted I actually tow with it and take it off road. But darn it if I'm not ruined for life now. I'm a believer.
     
  10. GuyIncognito

    GuyIncognito Nine Time F1 World Champ
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    Jun 30, 2007
    99,790
    sometimes it's the perfect tool for the job.
     
  11. S Brake

    S Brake F1 World Champ

    Aug 3, 2006
    17,182
    Utah
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    Dave
    Ideally I would have gotten a 4 door Tacoma but those are a bit spendy. At the end of the day I have a near bulletproof SUV with a factory locking differential so I'm happy with what I have.
     
  12. Bullfighter

    Bullfighter Two Time F1 World Champ
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    Jan 26, 2005
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    Jon
    Brilliant!!

    When will the single be released?
     
  13. Wade

    Wade Three Time F1 World Champ
    Owner

    Mar 31, 2006
    32,793
    East Central, FL
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    Wade O.
    Here's a true SUV:

    • 0–60 time of 6.8 seconds
    • A towing capacity of 8,300 lbs.


    [ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=heSVK8s-gfo[/ame]
     
  14. Craigy

    Craigy Formula 3

    Mar 19, 2006
    1,679
    Louisiana
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    Craigy
    One of the reasons I need one :D
     
  15. kverges

    kverges F1 Rookie

    Nov 18, 2003
    3,179
    Dallas
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    Keith Verges
    #16 kverges, Aug 23, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 7, 2017
    But of course it's easy to just hurt yourself all alone in a SUV. A one-vehicle incident at MotorSPort Ranch when the Ft. Worth po-po just HAD to practice high speed pursuits in a Tahoe. Nothing "sport" at all about an SUV - I even detest the name "SUV."
    Image Unavailable, Please Login
     
  16. Bullfighter

    Bullfighter Two Time F1 World Champ
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    Jan 26, 2005
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    Jon
    Agree, SUVs are pathetic.

    Now, on the other hand, crossovers...
     
  17. texasmr2

    texasmr2 Two Time F1 World Champ
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    Oct 22, 2007
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    Houston
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    Gregg
    I would loved to have heard his call to his chief explaining this incident.
     
  18. ForzaV12

    ForzaV12 Formula 3

    Sep 15, 2006
    1,818
    Laguna Niguel
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    Steve
    I've had plenty of good times in a Range Rover Classic. Drove my MTB and I to remote locals in perfect comfort. Got me through some nasty weather and terrain. Wish I had it back. I consider it to be brilliant at what it was designed for-no different than my sportscars.

    Funny piece though.
     
  19. nathandarby67

    nathandarby67 F1 Veteran
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    Feb 1, 2005
    8,349
    Mississippi
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    Nathan
  20. Jack-the-lad

    Jack-the-lad Seven Time F1 World Champ
    Owner Silver Subscribed

    I love my Range Rover. Ten years of brilliant service and still going strong and looking great.
     
  21. ApexOversteer

    ApexOversteer F1 Veteran

    Feb 15, 2007
    5,968
    Smoky Mountains, TN
    Full Name:
    T.A. Bell
    Why, it's the perfect acronym for them... it does mean Stupid Useless Vehicle, doesn't it?

    I detest the people that drive them more often than the vehicles themselves. For every one person that can actually justify driving one, because they have need of the capacity or capability, there are 20 more running around alone in one, and they haven't even got a hitch on it.

    Ever notice that the bigger the SUV, the tinier the woman driving it? Over-compensating: not just for penises anymore. It really does seem that they're constantly on the phone, or twisted around backwards, yelling at their spawn, anything but paying attention to what they're doing.... and why would they, they're driving a "tank" and they're totally impervious to harm, at least they think they are.

    It really pays to treat ones you see in traffic like you would an unexpectedly encountered rhinoceros. They can't see for shet, but will trample you in a heartbeat, so no sudden moves, and give them a wide berth.
     
  22. mclaudio

    mclaudio Formula 3

    Dec 13, 2003
    1,272
    Seattle area
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    Claudio
    I grew up with my father having Land Cruisers, Land Rovers, etc. as his daily driver. This was the time before "SUVs" became a household moniker and we lived outside the US (where rural roads actually meant no pavement). Great memories. I have nothing against SUVs, but I do smirk at their actual use versus their intended use. But then again, one can make a similar argument about supercars.

    When I first heard the term SUV, I actually thought of the 911 - the most utilitarian sports car I've ever owned. Plants, rocks, winter sports gear, lumber, appliances, dogs, cycling, tires, car parts - you name it; I've likely transported them in 911s.

    Now, I'm on my second Cayenne - the most sporty utility vehicle I've owned. The Cayenne's biggest benefit for me beyond what the 911 can do is the ability to tow race cars.

    Actual use versus intended use...
     
  23. Statler

    Statler F1 World Champ

    Jun 7, 2011
    17,389
    Funny... so you see my 110 pound wife driving the Explorer to work and make so many assumptions. (You also can't see the class III hitch on the newer ones as they are covered by a bumper piece when not used). But when you see us tow the boat or the motorcycles it's ok. Or when we go up to the farm on the roads our car cannot pass it's ok. Or when we take two other couples to dinner and seat six it's ok. Hell, we've also managed 20 mpg over the last 30K miles in this one versus the 15.5 from the 2003 we had.

    Soooo much better than a pickup for our use.

    I never realized how many people hated my wife based on seeing her drive to work. hahahaha (although she is not quite in the target sample as she doesn't do her makeup or chat on the cellphone or text or even yell at the kid... I am the one who drives the kid around. In the Mondial).




     
  24. parkerfe

    parkerfe F1 World Champ

    Sep 4, 2001
    12,887
    Cumming, Georgia
    Full Name:
    Franklin E. Parker
    friends don't let friends drive SUVs
     

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