Aussie joke thread

Not that sort of helicopter.

 

Still probably be transported by helicopter, not much room in the back of an ambulance for a spinal team

 

Ok, just a wanker then

 

Oh come on....like you wouldn't do it if you had a spare billion or two!!

 

Oh, you misunderstood, I have no problem being a wanker

 

Only in the UK
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Westpac sues aged-care magnate Stephen George Snowden for millions over nursing-home money transfers | News.com.au

 

I am stuffed if I know how you can transfer uncleared funds?

That missing money is long gone IMO.

 

My right hand still has all digits intact

 

Pity all those old dears who trusted him with their life savings may not.

I've been banking with Westpac for 15 years and have never seen this anomaly that enabled you to transfer uncleared funds to a secondary account. I guess I don't come at things from an exploitative perspective

 

. . . Daily for almost 6 months? Wow. Hang 'em.


via rubber ducky

 

I tried a few months back and it didn't work for me, even had a little trouble after the funds were cleared but it turned out to be the recipient .... he was a bit dumb

 

I know the bloke you're talking about. He puts the F back into wit.

 

No mention of 'el bastardo' the black Ferrari 550..

 

Near enough.
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C Pap?

 

No, thank goodness!

 

THE PROUD REDNECK FATHER

A Redneck father went to the hospital as his wife was having a baby.

Upon arriving he sits down, and the nurse says;

"Congratulations, your wife has had quins, 5 big baby boys."

The Redneck boastfully replies;

"I'm not surprised, I have a penis the size of a chimney."

The nurse replies:-

"You might want to consider getting it cleaned, the babies are black"

 

"Hello. How are you?"
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I don't get it, said the bishop to the actress

 

Giant Penis Shuts Down The Nürburgring

 

Gawd!

 

It was April and the Aboriginals in a remote part of Northern Australia asked their new elder if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild.

Since he was an elder in a modern community he had never been taught the old secrets.

When he looked at the sky he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like.
Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that

the members of the tribe should collect firewood to be prepared.

But being a practical leader, after several days he had an idea.
He walked out to the telephone booth on the highway, called the Bureau of Meteorology and asked,

'Is the coming winter in this area going to be cold?'

The meteorologist responded, 'It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold..'
So the elder went back to his people and told them to collect even more wood in order to be prepared.

A week later he called the Bureau of Meteorology again. 'Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?'
The meteorologist again replied, 'Yes, it's going to be a very cold winter.'
The elder again went back to his community and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find.
Two weeks later the elder called the Bureau again. 'Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?'

he asked. 'Absolutely,' the man replied. 'It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters

ever.' 'How can you be so sure?' the elder asked.
The weatherman replied, 'Our satellites have reported that the Aboriginals in the north are collecting firewood like

crazy, and that's always a sure sign.'

 

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