Aussie joke thread

It was a cheap SHOT😊

 

He resembles that remark.

 

Ha Ha.




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Interesting.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=clitler

 

And it missed the mark

 

First time?

 

For the guys in the know. ....
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http://www.fastcocreate.com/3021674/jean-claude-van-damme-does-the-splits-between-two-volvo-trucks-and-its-spectacular

 

Beware.




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Hi Jon.




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Do you own Tapatalk or something ... gee whiz
Pete

 

You are a sick puppy.

 

No, just trying to keep you amused.

Bedsides, I am on holidays at present. Just had 20 Mai Tais.
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Speaking of sick puppies. This is what Lucy just said to me.






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Time to take it back to the Library Wes!

 

This smartarse of a Girl looked at my beer belly last night and sarcastically said,
"Is that Fosters or 4X?"
I said, "There's a tap underneath. Taste it and find out."
***********


I was talking to a girl in the bar last night.
She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you 'd look all right."
I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."
***********


I was telling a girl in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born
just by feeling her boobs.
"Really" she said, "Go on then...try."
After about thirty seconds of fondling her nipples she began to lose patience and said.
"Come on, what day was I born"?
I said, “Yesterday."
***********


I got caught taking a pee in the local swimming pool today.
The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.
***********


I went to the pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table.
I said, "Great legs."
The girl giggled and said with a smile, "Do you really think so."
I said "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now. "
***********

 

SH*T you've turned into a bogan.

 

I got it from wrxmike, so that sort of explains everything.

 

I hear that Canberra is full of 'em

 

Full of a lot of other things as well Simon.

 

Anyone seen or heard of Mr. Snowden of late?

 

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his wife, who was looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her birthday.

'I'd like to be eight again', she replied, still looking in the mirror.

On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops, and then took her to Adventure World theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Roller Coaster, everything there was.

Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a McHappy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.

Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favourite candy, M&M's. What a fabulous adventure!

Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.

He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, 'Well Dear, what it was like being eight again?’

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.

'I meant my dress size, you ****ing retard!'

 

How good are the beegees to have sung this in time to all these dance sequences?

Rita Hayworth Is Stayin' Alive - YouTube

 

....and for Carl,....Fred wasn't to dusty either..