It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.

Isn't life a crazy circle filled with curves, who would have thought!

Mom had been experiencing very serious pain for about two weeks, could not sleep or barely walk, and finally got her doctors appointment yesterday. Turns out she has a femur fracture (cause unknown) close to the hip and a nodule on her left breast (biopsy pending). Living in a two story house is a struggle for her but it is what it is. Finally got her off OTC pain meds yesterday and on to Morphine Sulfate, she slept like a baby last night (first time in two weeks), and got her on a 12mcg Fentanyl patch today.

Life....that's some crazy scat!

 

Just learned 30mins ago that she has breast cancer and that it has spread into her bones (could be the cause of the fracture/was the cause of my grandmothers untimely passing).

Hopefully bring her home today from the hospital into a more soothing environment, she misses her bed and pets.

 

Gregg,
Very sorry to hear the diagnosis. It won't be an easy road ahead, my thoughts will be with her and you.

 

Sorry to hear.. thoughts and prayers with you and your family

 

Thank you.

Cancer on my moms side of the family has been unforgiving.

 

Well more testing to come but at least she is sleeping a lot more and semi-keeping solid food down (loves her fresh fruits) and her mood has slightly improved.

Started working on the homestead getting it ready to sell, gonna move her into her own fully furnished apartment on my brothers 20 acres (well that is the plan any way). Got some plumbing issues fixed, sink and bathtub leaks (bad valve seats), washed/scrubbed the entire house (brick on first floor and Hardy Board on second floor), cleaning out rain cutters for 5hrs today and only 1/3 finished but it is progress. Will be finishing the first floor gutters tomorrow and then have our friend bring over her scaffolding for the second floor then pressure wash the front walk, the driveway and the back patio soon.

Probably going to eliminate all pets in the process but at this point nothing is carved in stone.

 

I recommend that you contact your local Hospice. These people are walking angels and can help guide you as you care for your mom. My father in-law has alzheimers and requires 24/7/365 assisted living care (not covered by medical insurance or his military retirement). The Hospice group has been a great resource for transportation to and from the hospital when it has been required, rehabilitation to help him maintain the small amount of mobility he still has and of course are a caring and supportive group for my mother in-law who now finds herself alone at night.

 

Excellent advice.

I MUST speak with my brother about this possible option, thank you for reminding me. My brothers plate runneth over worrying about her as well as me and what will I do or where will I go. I reassured him that I will be ok so lets just focus on her.

Mom is still semi-mobile, she still thinks she will return to work one day, and these are the first stages so jumping the gun would be even more stress on her mentioning hospice care, she still refuses to give up the reins and admit she needs help, nothing new right. The house needs to go though and she will make a healthy profit so she can live comfortably and that is what matters.

Going be an enlightening/tough road ahead for sure but it is mom. I appreciate everyone allowing me to vent, I am in your debt.

 

Very rough news. My grand mother had cancer 8 years ago. It was a tough time.

 

Just verified she is stage four.

 

That is rough news. Anytime you need to, just do a mental dump/vent here. Often hard to find someone to talk to when you're not the one that is ill.

Many do not consider the emotional health of those affected by a family member's illness. Everyone is focused (and rightfully so) on the person with cancer. But in so doing, they lose sight of the emotional pain of those around the patient, and that they suffer too.

Know that your FChat buddies are here for you. Lean on us as needed.

D

 

Sorry to hear that Gregg.

Sincerely,
Andrew.

 

Thank you Dave! Knowing I can vent/unload to my FChat buddies is good to know. I have made quite a few errors here on FChat, which I own, and for that I apologize and hopefully have learned from.

The emotional weight is HUGE when your 'biggest fan in life', mom, is in such a bad place. She still only worries about the ones she loves and continues to put her herself last on the list of what is important. Since my stepfather passed away (organ failure) Christmas Eve of '06 one could say I have been moms caretaker in a sense, which is an honor. My brother is slowly coming around, he carry's a lot of guilt for not being around enough for the past 30yrs, but he is my rock and always has been, unknowingly.

One day at a time.

Having some big insurance issues simply because mom canceled 'this' to go to 'this' but my brother and his wife are on it like "green on grass". When they were here yesterday they were researching chemo options and experimental drug options but the cost is exorbitant even with insurance. My aunt who passed a few years back was already stage four with Pancreatic Cancer and passed within six months, my Grandmother (mom's mom) was diagnosed with stage four Bone Cancer and also passed within six months. Point is that stage four cancer may be passed the point of no return and treatment is almost futile. There is no quality of life.

Not being cold just realistic. I have experienced a lot of death in my life in not only family but amongst very close friends which made me jaded I guess.

Thank you Andrew.

 

This is actually a very good sign that she wants to recover and get back to work. This motivation will help her fight to get better. Keep her focused on this!

 

My brother's mother in law has cancer and it has taken a huge toll on the family. All 3 of her daughters have stepped up to do anything they can, but I think everyone is exhausted.

Last weekend they threw a benefit/fundraiser for her where almost 1,000 people showed up. Raised almost $50K in one night. Things like this a big deal to the person who is sick. Helps them to keep fighting.

 

You are correct but too much too soon is bad and 'her driving' is not an option at this time. She just received 5 new medications today, got her insurance issues worked out, and has yet to see how they effect her. Her work place has been nothing but very highly supportive of her recovery, she makes ALOT of money for them but they are a family first company as she worked for them for over 10yrs before leaving and then being asked to return.

One step at a time.

 

Better too much too soon than too little too late. Don't discourage her efforts.

Graham Hill had his legs crushed in an F1 accident and the doctors told him he would never walk again and his career was over. At night he sneaked down to the exercise room and worked out against doctors orders. He drove again before the season was out but needed to be carried to the car and they installed power brakes so he could drive. He eventually walked with a limp but without that drive to get well he would have been in a wheel chair.

 

Every situation and person is different and I know it is eating at her. She helped play mom and dad since she was less than 15yrs old taking care of her eight younger brothers and sisters so being immobile is killing her as she is a caretaker herself, a trait she passed down to me.

There is just so much going on right now via new medications etc etc. I am just the sounding board and she is the Boss yet I do hear what you are saying so quite possibly a trip to her office will help next week?

I am kind of lost. I do everything I can to make her comfortable and stress free.

 

If it was my mother, Id let her do whatever she wants. She wants to go into the office, even if you have to carry her in, do it!

My dad had a client who had diabetes at 69. He was in poor health from more then just the diabetes. His family wanted him to retire. Not only did he not retire, he started a whole new business venture. He finally retired in 06. He claimed if he retired in 1992, he would have died shortly after. Unfortunately he did pass away in 2010. This guy was so driven by work. In 93, the affects of diabetes, he lost an eye. He had surgery in the morning, his son picked him up in the afternoon. His son started driving him home. He said you are going the wrong way, I want to go to my office! Son argued but ended up taking him to the office.

 

That is easy for you to say looking in from the outside. My mom has always done what she wants but with stage 4 breast cancer that has spread into her bones it is just not possible, she cannot just up and go to the store on her own. First off she would not make it down the stairs without assistance and then she would not only be endangering herself but others as well if she drove, she is highly medicated. She has spent her entire life looking out for her children's best interest and now it is our turn to be the voice of reason.

As I mentioned previously I do want to take her to her office and see everyone and give her plenty of time to conduct business. I will talk with her boss and ask what she can do from home and then ask her if she is interested.

You must understand that this is MOM and what she says goes.

I must take the time to say thank you to everyone for your support, suggestions and advice. I should Skype laying on a couch!!

 

Its not easy. But the more active a person is the longer they keep going.

 

I had an 8hr class today for my LEO 'continuing education' training but I did make certain she had plenty of drink and food before I left. My brother checked in on her at lunch and all is well so far.

PS, Now I just got to figure out what is going on with my right hip, I can barely walk with out serious pain! I am falling apart.

 

I believe that as well, and the week before this past week, she returned to work on Thursday and Friday and that really helped her attitude as she seemed rejuvenated in every sense. She also worked this past Monday, Tuesday and Thursday. Wednesday she had a phone consultation (odd) with her doctor and then missed work on Friday and spent all day in bed, and today, due to pain because. The pain in her hip will not allow her to get a solid uninterrupted 8hrs of sleep.

All the darn med's they have her on will barely let her keep anything down so once again we are back to being dehydrated and not getting her required daily nutritional needs. I mentioned to her today that I think she should go back into the hospital for a few days and get the IV nutrition that helped.

It sucks being helpless (trying to keep the stress level as low as possible). Will be re-admitting her tomorrow because she has surpassed the point of home care for the time.

 

Finally got the first round of testing (Pet scan, Mammogram and blood work) done today, a step forward thankfully. Now with this accomplished the next step is upgrading/fixing her pain meds and then deciding upon her treatment plan. Her dosages are so low they have no effect nor offer any relief.

 

Sorry to hear Gregg. It's good of you that you're stepping up to help with her care.