Joke.

A man and a woman are sitting next to each other at a bar getting drunk. The man turns to the woman and asks her why she's so down. 'My husband just left me. He said I'm too kinky in bed,' she said. 'What a coincidence! My wife just left me,' said the man, 'she told me that I was too kinky for her, too!' The two talk a little while longer, and finding that they have so much in common they decide to go back to the woman's house to have kinky sex. When they get to the woman's house she turns to the man and says, 'Give me ten minutes, I want to slip into something more comfortable.' She goes into the bathroom and changes into a full leather dominatrix outfit. However, as she is coming out of her bathroom, the man is putting on his coat and walking out the door. 'What happened?' She said, 'I thought you wanted to have kinky sex?' He looks at her and says, 'Well, I just screwed your dog and krauped in your purse. I'm done.'

 

There's a blind rabbit and a blind snake that are friends. One day, the blind rabbit tells the blind snake that he doesn't know what he is, because he can't see. The blind snake takes ahold of the rabbit and says, ''Well, you have long fur covered ears and a short little tail. You must be a rabbit.'' The rabbit was happy to know what he was. He tells the blind snake, ''Come here and I will try to determine what you are.'' The blind rabbit feels the snake and finally says, ''You're cold and slimy and don't have any balls. You must be a lawyer.''

 

One day Little Sally got her '''monthly bleeding'' for the first time in her life. Having failed to understand what was going on and being really frightened, she decided to share her trouble with little Joey. When she found Joey she told him what was happening, but he didn't quite understand so she showed him what her problem was. Joey's face got very serious and he said, ''You know, I'm no doctor, but it looks like someone ripped your balls off!''

 

That little bastard Little Johnny was passing his parents bedroom in the middle of the night in search of a glass of water. Hearing a lot of moaning and thumping, he peeks in and catches his parents in the act. Before his Dad can even react, little Johnny exclaims, 'Oh boy! Horsey ride. Daddy can I ride on your back?' Daddy, relieved that Johnny was not asking more uncomfortable questions and seeing the opportunity not to break his stride, agrees. Johnny hops on and daddy starts going to town. Pretty soon his mummy starts moaning and gasping and Johnny cries out, 'Hang on tight, Daddy. This is the part where me and the milkman usually get bucked off!'

 

One day, Farmer Brown went behind his barn and found to his dismay that his son, Jeb, was jerking off. He vowed to his son that he was going to help him find a wife, so he would not have to be doing this. Sure enough, the father was able to find a suitable bride just right down the road and the couple was married shortly thereafter. Six weeks later the farmer was again going behind the barn and caught his son vigorously jerking off. The farmer went berzerk. ''Why are you still doing this, why aren't you with your wife?'' ''Aw Paw,'' said the son, ''Her little old arm gets so tired.''

 

The angle of the dangle decreases with the sag of the bag, and increases in proportion to the heat of the meat compared to the mass of the ass and the beauty of the cutie.

 

Nice ones guys some great stuff on here.


Q: What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?




A: Oral sex makes your whole week, anal sex makes your hole weak.

 

A scientist from Texas A&M University has invented a bra that keeps women's breasts from jiggling and prevents the nipples from pushing through the fabric when cold weather sets in. At a news conference announcing the invention, the scientist was taken outside by a group of cowboys, who then proceeded to kick the shit out of him.

 

LOL


Science magazine came out with a report on the difference between men and women's brains. Apparently women are more controlled by a part of the brain called singletgyrus. Men are more controlled by a part of the brain known as the penis.

 

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?






Answer: A lick-A-lotta-puss.

 

Clem drove his pickup alongside the road and showed his buddy Jed where he'd first had sex. 'It was right down there by that there tree. I remember it plain as day. It was a warm summer day... We were madly in love... We made our way down to that the tree and made love for hours,' explained Clem. 'That sounds amazing,' exclaimed Jed. 'Yep, it was goin' real well until I looked up and saw her momma standing right there watching us...' 'Damn, what did her momma say when she saw you puttin' it to her daughter?' 'Baaaaa...'

 

"But my elderly aunt was considered a highly respectable spinster!" the society matron protested. "Can't you find some way to cover up the shocking fact that she died in bed while being simultaneously serviced by two paid studs? "You just leave it to me, Mrs. Van Horn," soothed the police officer. "I'll just put it in my report that she died at the stroke of two."

 

Best Note from a Daughter Ever

A mother passing by her daughter's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then she saw an envelope propped up prominently on the center of the bed. It was addressed, "Mom." With the worst premonition, she opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:

Dear Mom:
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new boyfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you. I've been finding real passion with Ahmed and he is so nice-even with all his piercings, tattoos, beard, and his motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion Mom, I'm pregnant and Ahmed said that we will be very happy. He already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. He wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too. Ahmed taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and trading it with his friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Ahmed can get better; he sure deserves it!! Don't worry Mom, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grand children.

Your daughter, Judith

PS: Mom, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbor's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk center drawer. I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home.