Logical Scientist; Two builders (Dave and Stuart) are seated either side of a table in a rough pub when a well-dressed man enters, orders a beer and sits on a stool at the bar. The two builders start to speculate about the occupation of the suit... Dave: - I reckon he's an accountant. Stuart: - No way - he's a stockbroker. Dave: - He ain't no stockbroker! A stockbroker wouldn't come in here! The argument repeats itself for some time until the volume of beer gets the better of Dave and he makes for the toilet. On entering the toilet he sees that the suit is standing at a urinal. Curiosity and the several beers get the better of the builder ... Dave: - Scuse me .... no offence meant, but me and me mate were wondering what you do for a living? Suit: - No offence taken ! I'm a Logical Scientist by profession Dave: - Oh ! What's that then? Suit: - I'll try to explain by example ... Do you have a goldfish at home? Dave: - Er ... mmm ... well yeah, I do as it happens! Suit: - Well, it's logical to follow that you keep it in a bowl or in pond. Which is it? Dave: - It's in a pond! Suit: - Well then it's reasonable to suppose that you have a Large garden then? Dave: - As it happens, yes I have got a big garden Suit: - Well then it's logical to assume that in this town if you have large garden then you have a large house? Dave: - As it happens I've got a five bedroom house ... built It myself! Suit: - Well given that you've built a five bedroom house it is logical to assume that you haven't built it just for yourself and that you are quite probably married? Dave: - Yes I am married, I live with my wife and three children. Suit: - Well then it is logical to assume that you are sexually active with your wife on a regular basis? Dave:- Yep! Four nights a week! Suit: - Well then it is logical to suggest that you do not masturbate very often? Dave: - Me? Never Suit: - Well there you are! That's logical science at work! Dave: - How's that then? Suit: - Well from finding out that you had a goldfish, I've told you about your sex life ! Dave: - I see! That's pretty impressive ... thanks mate! Both leave the toilet and Dave returns to his mate. Stuart: - I see the suit was in there. Did you ask him what he does? Dave: - Yep! He's a logical scientist! Stuart: - What's that then? Dave:- I'll try and explain. Do you have a goldfish? Stuart: - Nope Dave: - Well then, you're a w anker.
WHO and Stuart???? A man was eating at a diner, when a well-dressed man sitting next to him said, "Excuse me for intruding, but I could not help noticing your accent. Are you from Krakow?" "Yes, I am," replied the surprised man. "It is so nice to meet a land kinsman here in America," said the well dressed man. "I tell you what. I am a vice-president at the Humor Network. If you ever need a job, give me a call and I will be happy to set you up." Six months go by, and the man loses his job, and decides to call his new friend. He had completely forgotten the man's name at this point, so he decided to take a shot in the dark. The receptionist answered, and he asked, "Pardon me, do you have a Krakauer there?" "Sir," she replied, "we don't even get a coffee break!" ___________________________ DL
A man was having problems with premature ejaculation so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what could he do to cure his problem. In response the doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate try startling yourself". That same day the man went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol. All excited to try this suggestion out he runs home to his wife. At home his wife is in bed, naked and waiting on her husband. As the two begin, they find themselves in the '69' position. The man, moments later, feels the sudden urge to come and fires the starter pistol. The next day, the man went back to the doctor. The doctor asked, "How did it go?" The man answered, "Just great, ass hole...when I fired the pistol my wife crapped on my face, bit 3 inches off my penis and my neighbor came out of the closet naked with his hands in the air!"
was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we dicided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when quite near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else. One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me" I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for out daughter. Welcome to the family." The moral of this story is; ALWAYS KEEP YOUR CONDOMS IN YOUR CAR.
Three Texas Surgeons were playing golf together and bragging about surgeries they had performed. One of them said, "I'm the best surgeon in Texas. A concert pianist lost 7 fingers in an accident, I reattached them, and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of England." The second surgeon said; "That's nothing. A young man lost his arms and legs in an accident, I reattached them, and 2 years later he won a gold medal in field events in the Olympics." The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs. Several years ago a cowboy who was high on cocaine and alcohol rode a horse head-on into a train traveling 80 miles an hour. All I had left to work with was the horse's ass and a cowboy hat. Now he's president of the United States!
