Large groan Ok Alex, here goes! How do you get rid of a pube from the toilet seat? Wait til he gets pissed off Da Da!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Undertakers have just announced that when Michael jackson dies, he will be melted down to make plastic toys, so kids can play with him for a change
Id say he looks like Rowan Atkinson in about 20 years (or is that just a photoshoped pic of him?) Anyways.... A Chinese couple gets married. She's a virgin and, truth be told, he is none too experienced either. On the wedding night, she cowers naked under the bed sheets as her husband undresses. He climbs in next to her and tries to be reassuring: "My darring" he says, "I know dis yo firs time and you berry frighten. I pomise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting... just anyting you want, you say. Whatchou want?" he says, trying to sound experienced, which he hopes will impress his virgin bride. A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently (and eagerly) for her request. She eventually replies shyly and unsure, "I want... numba 69!" More thoughtful silence, this time from him. Eventually, in a puzzled tone he queries... "You want... Beef wif Broccori?
Whats the difference between Michael Jackson and a plastic bag. Ones made of plastic and dangerous to children, the others for putting shopping in.
What do Micheal Jackson and McDonalds have in common? 40 year old meat between 8 year old buns! I really should of put that in the old tasteless joke thread, but hey we were on the subject huh?
David Beckham rings Michael Jackson in his Hotel room and says "Michael, we believe your innocent, so after the trial would you like to take a trip on my new Yacht?" Absolutely replies Michael, I can't wait to come on your little cruz!
Michael Jackson asks his assistant the night before his court case to go and get him a DVD. Shall I get Alladin he says? F*ck Off says Jacko, I'm in enough trouble already.
they've decided at the Vatican to put the Pope's ashes in a bowl in his room, sprinkled with a little scented oil. They decided to call it Pope Pourri !!
An Antique dealer was a real show off at a trade fair. Anything that was displayed he bragged that he could tell you all about it yada,yada,yada. By the end of the day his wife was so pi55ed off she thought she'd teach him a lesson. She waited until a big crowd was present and challenged the big head to a contest to see if he could date an object. Naturally he brags that he can. At this point she unwraps carefully a tissue and pulls out a used Tampon. So Mr. Smart Arse, what period's this from then?
A woman goes to the Doctors and says " Doctor, this is a bit embarassing. Every time I go to the toilet, my you know what starts singing that bloody awful song Is this the way to Amarillo ". Don't worry says the Doc, every c**t's singing it.
Definition of a bad day You are Siamese twins joined at the Hip. Your Brother is gay and your straight. His Lover is coming over tonight for some serious action. You have only one A55hole
2 women were walking home from a night out, pi55ed out of their heads. they decided they needed to relieve themselves so they dived into a nearby graveyard for a pi55. They had no toilet paper, so the one used her Knickers and threw them away. The other used a ribbon from a wreath on a fresh grave. The next day the Husbands were talking and the one says " We'd better keep an eye on these two, mine came home without any knickers on". The other says You think thats bad, mine had a card stuck up her arse saying " from all the lads at the Fire Station, we'll never forget you".
A gay man walks into the docters office to get some tests done. After some tests and about an hour, the docter comes into the office with a straight face, and tells the man to sit down because he has some bad news. He tells the man he has AIDS, and the man starts crying hysterically. He asks his docter if theres anything that can be done for his AIDS. The doc thinks for a while then tells the man: go home, eat 3 bean burritos, 5 hot chili peppers, some chimichangas, tostadas with cheese and green chili and some nachos with habaneros and drink some hot sauce. "Will all that mexican food cure me?" he asks "No" says the docter "but it will show you what your as*hole is really meant for"/
Victoria Beckham has taken revenge on David Beckham for him having an affair, and announced she slept with Michael Jackson. Jacko has strongly denied this saying that he was in Brooklyn at the time
A frustrated housewife decided her sex life needed spicing up after 20 years of marriage. After her husband went to work she slipped out and went into a lingerie shop and picked up a pair of crotchless knickers. She went home, tarted herself up and donned the new garment and selected a short skirt to go with it. She greeted her man when he came home from work and sat across from him after she prepares him a drink. She slowly spread her legs,and in a husky come f**k me voice says "Honey, would you like some of this?" The husband looks between his ageing wife's legs and lets out his breath, looking up at his doting wife replies, "HELL, NO! Look what it's done to your underwear."
A man and his wife went to the doctor's office and the doctor asked the man for a blood, urine, and feces sample. The man was slightly deaf and said, ''What?'' Again, the doctor said, ''I need a blood, urine and feces sample." The man still looked puzzled, so his wife leaned over and yelled into his ear: '' the doctor needs a pair of your underwear!''
This guy who works at a pickle factory comes home and hands his wife 50 dollars. She asked him what it was from and he told her that he won it in a bet -- the guys at the factory bet him 50 dollars that he wouldn't stick his dick in the pickle slicer. The wife was surprised and said she wanted to make sure he was still intact. He pulled down his pants and, indeed, it was all there, unharmed. But what about the pickle slicer, asked the wife, perplexed. Oh, she liked it too, answered the husband.
A man and his wife went to dinner and celebrated their fiftieth wedding anniversary. Afterwards they returned home and went to their patio to relax with a glass of wine and to reflect on their fifty years together. After a while the man said to his wife: Honey in all the years together, was there ever a time when you were unfaithful to me? The wife thinks for a bit and then says: Oh yes there was one time early in our marriage. Remember when you had lost your job and the bank was going to foreclose on the house. I made a trip to town, saw the banker and we got the loan extended until you returned to work. The man thinks for a bit and says: Wow honey, you saved our home; I guess I cant really hold it against you for being unfaithful that one time. Was there ever another time? The wife thinks for a bit and then says: Oh yes there was one other time. Remember when you had gotten sick and needed an operation or you would die, but we didnt have any insurance. I made a trip to town, saw the doctor and you got the operation.. The husband thinks for a bit and says: Wow honey, you saved my life; I guess I cant really hold it against you for being unfaithful that time either. Was there another time? Wife thinks for a bit and then says: Well there was just one other time. Remember when you were running for club president and you only needed 58 more votes .
