Dealing with Break-ups

To quote George Costanza: "You need hand!"

Let's take a step back here.. she's got all of the control and you are reduced to being some whimpering bumbling idiot who is showing his cards at every corner (and finally kissing her ass after ignoring it for so long).

What motivation are you giving her to get back with you?

NONE. She's already got you safely tucked in her pocket and can date whomever she wants in the process. If that doesn't work out, hey, you'll still be pining away for her in a couple of months, right?

If you really want this chick back, you're going to have to do the opposite of what you think you should. No phone calls, no emails, and for fu*k's sake, don't have any conversations that revolve around 'we'.. it's only "I" now.

Women respond to competition, plain and simple. Go 2-4 weeks without speaking to her and find a chick or two who you can stand to be around (again, no relationship conversations with them either). Take them out to the places you think your ex would be inclined to go. Have fun, smile, instigate conversation with other women while you're there and DO NOT speak to her aside from the casual 'hi'.

You need to stop thinking that she's the prize here.. you are! You're the smart, funny, confident and attractive guy that she's missing out on and you're obviously over it. These other women see something of value in what she discarded and they couldn't be happier about her loss.

She will call.. If she doesn't, you're still having a good time and getting over her in the process. Being her submissive pus*y-whipped EX is not going to get you back in the game!

-Chris

 

the last thing you want to do is get back together with her, im sure yall broke up for a reason, go out and have some fun, enjoy the single life...more women will come along

 

Reread my post and then read Chris's last post.

Man up, tell her you see the flaws in the relationship and you realize you need to change for YOU, not her, and you appreciate the time out. Leave it at that.

A healthy relationship seems important to you, so you can place your better foot forward with the next one and in the meantime, you can focus on how to better move the business forward using less of your time/energy.

If you can't, then you're not going to make it work with her because her expectation(s) is(are) not going to simply disappear. You're both entitled to what you want, but it took a break up to make you reeval whats most important.

If she truly loves you, she will contact you when she's ready. Those feelings do overpower one's expectations and you only have one shot at being ready to make amends if that time comes. She may give up her expectations, but it will likely only be temporary. Concentrate on how to handle the business development better, because those gains are not (temporary).

Sunny

 

There's a great book out there and its called The Divorce Remedy. Read it. Most of it applies to relationships in general, how to recognize and change your faults which is far more attractive than capitulating to the desires of someone else. Thats the gist. It sucks, but thats how it works if you want to take this loss and turn it into a win-win situation.

If you must talk to her, above everything else, do not make yourself available to her whenever possible. She is FAR MORE INTERESTED in finding out what YOU are up to than what she is doing.

Sunny

 

Your hurting now...which is good..your a normal healthy individual. Carry on with you business..because in the end THAT is what is really going to support you. If she cannot understand that you are trying to build a life for yourself and fir her aswell..then that is an issue she will have to overcome. Now if you were totaly ignoring her then yes she does have the right to split.

Once you have yourself all settled your biz up and running..you'll wonder what you were crying about. Get a boat and a nice truck to tow it with..and you'll have a new women by then end on the month!

 

He got "fired" as they say. And she ain't re-hiring the same bad employee. Some women do NOT really care AT ALL where you go, or what you do, or who you do it with, after they have "fired" you? Game over man. Even if by some miracle you do get "the call", it's probably just more a case of "I've got nothing better to do and nobody better to use" than you. In other words, her BBD (bigger better deal) hasn't come through YET, and boredom has set in. But make no mistake about it, once fired, she's always on the lookout for another employee. It's just like a lazy bones dude working at a lumberyard. Even a bad employee is better than none. But when a better guy comes along, goodbye lazy bones.

Don't be a chump and get used twice. Like the old saying goes, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me (for being such a stupid idiot.)

 

Except for the chauvinism, I think everyone else's advice is fairly on target.

The best and most healthy way to deal with the pain is to get out there and spend time with your friends, cultivate your existing hobbies, go sky diving, go jet skiing, get a big group of your friends together throw a dinner party then go bar hop, club hop... etc (like I'm doing this Friday, friend rented floor of a kick-a$$ club for huge party). Point is go out and live your life!! Take a drive on gorgeous highways with serious twisties in this awesome weather and punch it to a buck 20 or so (preferably without being caught by cops)

Contrary to a lot of advice given by some of the guys on this board, and I'm sorry guys I've got to disagree with you (bias maybe cause I'm a woman), I wouldn't be out there looking for a rebound of a few girls to bang. That may only be a temporary solution and you could end up regretting it. Also it introduces a host of other potential problems, such as what if the girl you're using for casual encounters becomes attached and you end up hurting her? I mean aren't you suffering through a lot of pain right now? That would be hypocrisy. Also, using women and tossing them aside will only confirm to you that people are disposable...meaning you're desensitizing yourself from love which from what I can tell is very important to you.

You sound like a great guy who is genuinely going through a difficult period. Look you are not wrong, and neither is she. Relationships go through rough patches and sometimes a breakup may only strengthen your bond...however you've got to be careful and understand the reality behind the situation before you make any final decisions.

You'll pull through this and be the better for it.

Remember, get out there and experience life the way you would drive a faster than he11 exotic, till the wheels fall off!

Cheers

 

Whether any of you like it or not, Arlie's right about this. It happens, and it sucks.

It happened to me once. I got "the call."

Never again.

 

You're right, she won't re-hire the same bad employee.. I suggested that he take over the company and make HER the employee!

C.

 

Gawd, that's worse yet. She's put "Ineligible for Rehire" on her own personnel file.

I agree that he needs to make her WANT to come back... but as soon as that's accomplished, walk the f*** away from this one.

 

Exactly! Usually once that happens, you see things in an entirely different light.

C.

 

Translation: The chauvinism is EXACTLY on target.

Of course none of the above will get back the girl of your dreams, but at least you have made an attempt to psychologically fool yourself into THINKING that things are on the upswing. But of course, YOU'RE still the LOSER and SHE is still testing that Sealy mattress with somebody else.

And also equal justice. If "Bag 'em and tag 'em" and "Catch and release" is good enough for the gander, why not good enough for the goose?

There use to be a saying that said "Love plus a dime will buy you a cup of coffee." Of course that saying is ridiculous today.
Coffee costs over 50 cents a cup.

Translation: Great guy = nice guy = finishes last.

But SHE will pull through it quicker and with a whole lot more fun because she isn't thinking about you any more!!!

 

Its amazing how this quote...

Goes together so well with this quote...

Keep propping up yourself about nice guys finishing last. Idiots and the naive finish last, so if you must put yourself above someone, by all means, be content you're not dead last.

Sunny

 

Earth to Jaguar: She's not thinking about him because she DUMPED him. She doesn't NEED to psychologically "fool herself". SHE is THROUGH with him. Fun for her is just that,.....FUN. It's not an attempt to forget some dude. HE IS ALREADY FORGOTTEN!!!! (Like within a half hour of their last conversation, or as soon as the phone rings from Mr. BBD).

 

I suspect a bit of bitterness from Horsefly.

 

Look! Its even ribbed for your pleasure.
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Really? I just get the stalker vibe.

C.
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Jack Nicholson called. "You can't handle the truth!"
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Listen to all the "back off" advice. I think women really look for the guy to be in control and once that balance shifts you're toast. It sounds like this gal is looking for someone that will stand up to her. That could be you but not unless you get tough. No contact, if she calls wait a day or two to call her back, stay busy, get out and socialize etc. Make sure you do it right next time and keep the upper hand Good luck.

 

That's classic!

 

Arlie, it's ok if you're upset that she 'upgraded' to a guy with a double-wide- I can imagine that it must be uncomfortable to visit your brother after that.

There's plenty of fish in the sea.. it's just too bad there isn't a sea in Arkansas!



C.

 

Sunny, ever the optimist

Arlie:Naive...check;idiot...check
Hate to tell you but bitter, naive, and dumb will keep you in last place forever.

Both Sunny and NNO have had setbacks, yet they press on, men of integrity, who learn from their mistakes.

You, OTOH, have accomplished what??? yet you dispense "wisdom" like you have some.

STFU and get your own life together before you diss anyone else, mmmkay?
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THIS is the best, most accurate advice in the whole thread.

Read it, learn it, live it.

If she didn't want you when you were in your element (i.e., running your business, in a positive mindset, thinking everything was fine), she sure as F**K isn't going to want you as a blubbering idiot has-been willing to be at her beck and call.

Suck it up - be yourself, live for yourself (now that you're 110% FREE to do so) and if there's anything to breathe life back into between the two of you, THAT is what will do it.

Begging to a woman never gained a man ANYTHING - it only cost him the respect she once had for him, and it costs him his SELF-respect as well. DON'T DO IT.

Patrick W. Heinske -- [email protected]

 

Watch "Swingers"...Favreau has a great speach at the end that may help. Watch the movie again after some time has past.

 

I took me 3 years to get over my divorce. She met another man. Your only ally is time, my friend. Time. Once you accept the fact that you're toast, your half way home. But first, you gotta know you're toast (which, like it or not, you almost certainly are).