10 Rules for dating my daughter

I think the tighter you hold on, the more they squirm and fight you. Your daughter is going to date some jerks and she'll date some nice guys, probably break a heart or two. Hopefully she makes the right decisions but either way, it will be hers to make. As a guy not that far past the situation you are dealing with, the mean dad speach doesn't work. You'll just end up scaring the nice guys away.

 

And you have every right to be.

 

I think by about 14 you would be looking for a good boy friend to take her off your hands!!!

 

just shoot the first one and hope the rest gets the message

 

"I will remove them" ... from her body or from his arms!

 

waite...so when she is indeed 21 will she be able to drive your 360? if so.. i will be 30 and settled down by then...can i date her?

kidding. i love your post and your stance on her dating. good job dad.

 

LOL

 

I find it quite funny to see people go out of there way JUST to notify that something is a "repost." Posting elaborate pictures, etc. It's kinda like they go out of there way to find these things. Reply on a topic that you can put forth some valuable information, and i'm sure we'd all be much happier

 

*Their.

 

And for the finale take him off to the side and whisper in his ear.... "I have been to prison and if you hurt my daughter I'll have no problem going back"

 

Blue Collar Comedy tour.

Hey, how do you do the smiley face w/ the teeth showing?

 

I'm a great believer in axes.


After seeing my father mildly annoyed and chopping firewood with an axe, a good friend of mine said "God help whoever dates your sisters".

 

I thought the Blue Collar Comedy Tour was the smiley face with no teeth showing...

 

*LOL* Printed and translated.... I have a (almost) 12 year old daughter too And oh boy do I hope that I can scare off the boys for a long time still

 

The guys you should be worried about are the ones you don't get to meet

 

Of course you could teach your daughters to respect themselves, find pride in their educational accomplishments and have an open door policy where they can ask you anything.

Ever date a Catholic girl from a Catholic boarding school? Why do you think everyone locally calls the school Saint Easy?

Telling your daughter her feelings are dirty or sinful will not keep her panties on, only an inner feeling of respect will accomplish that feat. If you tell her her feelings are 'bad' she will find a boy to validate them as 'good', if you know what I mean.

 

my stepdaughter is 10. I have one rule. "no dating til I'm dead." Of course, she's probably arranging that as we speak.

 

Thats why Hitler had his niece killed.

 

APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement,
job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.

NAME_____________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH_____________

HEIGHT___________ WEIGHT____________ IQ__________ GPA_____________

SOCIAL SECURITY #_________________ DRIVERS LICENSE #________________

BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES__________________________________________

HOME ADDRESS_______________________ CITY/STATE___________ ZIP______

Do you have parents? ___Yes ___No
Is one male and the other female? ___Yes ___No
If No, explain: ______________________________________________________________


______________________________________________________________________

Number of years they have been married _______________________________________

If less than your age, explain
____________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________


ACCESSORIES SECTION:

A. Do you own or have access to a van? __Yes __No

B. A truck with oversized tires? __Yes __No

C. A waterbed? __Yes __No

D. A pickup with a mattress in the back? __Yes __No

E. A tattoo? __Yes __No

F. Do you have an earring, nose ring, __Yes __No
pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring?

(IF YOU ANSWERED 'YES' TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION
AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY I SUGGEST RUNNING.)


ESSAY SECTION:

In 50 words or less, what does 'LATE' mean to you?

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does 'DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER' mean to you?

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does' ABSTINENCE' mean to you?

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________


REFERENCES SECTION:

Church you attend ___________________________________________________

How often you attend ________________________________________________

When would be the best time to interview your:

father? _____________

mother? _____________

pastor? _____________


SHORT-ANSWER SECTION:

Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers
are confidential.

A: If I were shot, the last place I would want to be shot would be:

______________________________________________________________

B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:

______________________________________________________________

C: A woman's place is in the:

______________________________________________________________

D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:

______________________________________________________________

E. What do you want to do IF you grow up? ___________________________

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________

F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:

______________________________________________________________

F. What is the current going rate of a hotel room? ________________________

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO
THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT,
NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE
WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.


___________________________________________________________________
Applicant's Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)


_______________________________ ________________________________
Mother's Signature Father's Signature

_______________________________ ________________________________
Pastor/Priest/Rabbi State Representative/Congressman

Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and non-sexual.
Please allow four to six years for processing.

You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would cause you injury).

If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases. (you might watch your back)

To prepare yourself, start studying Daddy's Rules for Dating .



Daddy's Rules for Dating
Your dad's rules for your boyfriend (or for you if you're a guy) :

Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them..

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a 'Barrier method' of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: 'early.'

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge . Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine

 

As a wise old man told me when my baby girl was born, "You are only the provider and the protector, you cannot command what she will and will not do when the day comes!" All I could do is arm her with all the BS I ever said to all the girls I dated, related and slept with the hopes that when the day comes, she will be best prepared for the situation. That and I trained her in Judo, Jiu Jitsu, Greco Roman, Freestyle, Boxing, Tae Kwon Do, etc..... I made sure every "boys" her age in my neighborhood knew that I carried a couple of .45's and I have a shovel!

 

haha, perfect

 

I have told my daughter for years that she is cannot talk, look at, or know any of the following: 1) Waiter; 2) Singer; 3) Actor; 4) Musician; 5) Surfer; 6) Vollyball player. They have no money, no job, and they will never have either of the two.