Creative Stories From Beggars: Heard a new one tonight!

Quite a fair point, IMO.

Everyone can use a bit of sympathy (genuine or not). Being wasted or broke doesn't mean you don't deserve a "thanks, sorry, hello or goodbye".

Sounds like you're a jedi!!! LOL

 

...I was in Victoria British Columbia for vacation in July. There are so many beggars there. You would walk by corner X at 10:00am and beggar jim would be there. then you would walk by Corner X again at 11:00am and beggar bob would there. go by Corner X at 12pm and see Beggar Jim back. Its like they work the corners in shifts or something. The best sign I saw there was " Need money for physciatric assesment"

 

Back in my 1990's concert going days of Deep Elum in Dallas, there was this one black guy I saw so many times panhandling & telling lame stories, I learned to accept he was just going show up wherever I was. The last time was for a Rollins spoken word show in 2003 & he came by just after two hours earlier trying to scam me just as I was parking my car. What did I do? I went off on him in public while standing in line about wasting his years pulling crap like this. He stood there for a second & then walked down the street attempting to do yet again the same B.S. on someone else I did offend some other people in line but I really didn't care, most of them didn't know that area like I did. Some of those bums have been around longer than the average life span of a Deep Elum night club. I hear ya, Ryan. People like that make me sick.

 

Dude! Bumfight! Even Carbon could win one of those!

 

How's this one.

My wife and I make the dreaded trip to Wal-Mart and I drop her at the door and go and park in the lot. I'm sitting there on the phone and this guy walks up with bag over his shoulder and taps on my window. I knew what was coming but tried to be understanding and hear him out. He proceeds to tell me that he was needing cash for drugs because he had given all of his drugs to his cranked out ex-girlfriend. At least he's honest...eh? After politely declining...lol.. he started the whole guilt trip routine.... "You're in a Mercedes and you don't have any money to help me? I hope you sleep well tonight!"

Slept like a baby

 

You should have told him you do....on a big pile of cash.

 

i used to give out change all the time, then one evening i'd just left werk and was walking along the street and a couple 16 y/o punks come up and ask for spare change for a bus. i pulled my wallet out and fished out like $3.20 or whatever in change, the kid saw the wallet and goes "hey man you've got some notes, how about $20 bucks instead?", i politely told him to get f#$#ed, but that kinda freaked me out a bit.

so yeah, nowadays the wallet never leaves the pocket without an exchange of goods or services, if any loose change is jangling around they can have it.

a few weeks ago some hobo came up to me, tried to shake my hand and introduce himself "ah yeah mate i don't shake hands thanks", then asked for change. it was about 8pm and i wasn't getting my wallet out, so said "no sorry i have no change". then he asks, "well there's a shop there, can you go and make some?". riiiight.

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

 

I've gotten this a few times from people too. Usually from people that are already drunk or high or something and need/want more money for whatever they are taking. If they only knew what my cars were actually worth.

One time though I was in a large parking lot right off of the interstate and had two friends in my car with me and this old truck pulls up with an older guy in it and a young guy. The old guy driving starts off by telling me how he is Christian, aren't they all, and that his son was in a car accident in Texas and in a coma. He then asked me for some money so he can buy gas to help him get to Texas. Since we were right next to the interstate and by a gas station I thought he may really be telling the truth and something came over me and I gave the guy a twenty and got back into my car. Then my friends tell me how they guy has been giving that story to people all week around there to get money. I think I was more upset with them for not saying something to me before I gave him money.

 

In the city of Geelong we have this well known down and out hobo officially named dida. He begs at every opportunity he gets. The other night i was in my mates car and we pulled up at the lights, and saw him doing the rounds begging people for loose change. For whatever reason i wound down the window and yelled out, "heya dida" to which point he comes running into the intersection to try and get to our car in the hope he may get something.. just our luck the lights went green as he got to the car..
another time, he was outside the local supermarket and asked me for ciggarettes.. i had none.. 5 minutes later and all shopping done, i saw him with the butts he'd picked up off the ground and rolled them all into one rather daggy looking cigarette & was in the process of smoking it...

 

few weeks back was doing alfresco beer at a pub. people at next table over were eating their dinner. hobo comes up to their table, takes the cigarette butts out of the ashtray and puts them in his pocket. the dinner couple were pretty aghast.

 

I like beggars that have something to offer in exhange for change. In Downtown Vancouver there's this one guy I've seen that had a sign saying "Verbal Abuse for change" So you hand him some change and you swear his head off. Granted you can just swear at him for free, but I like a good gimick. There's this other guy that will climb trees for money, hand him some change and he's up there like a monkey.

Another guy does 1 handed push ups for change. You give him change and no joke, he'll do 50 in a row. This other fellow, you give him change, and he starts jamming out some awesome tunes on his harmonica and sing in Iranian. But for each one of those guys that has something to offer, there's 30 others that just ask and have nothing to offer.

There's one guy I've seen again recently on Granville, his sign says "Need money for pot." I gave him a joint before years back, it really made his day.

 

Walking down the drag (across from UT on Guadalupe) in college, a guy walks up and says to myself and my roommate at the time - "hey, got any change?" I just look away and keep walking. My roommate, Sam, he says, nah, I don't have any change, only big bills." Then the guy says, "I got change!" as he whips out a wad of cash.

 

A few years ago, outside the convention center in Washington, DC, a very well dressed (suit and tie) and groomed young man walked up to me:

"I'm very embarrassed, but my car just got towed. I was helping a friend inside with a display and while I was walking out I saw them towing my car. the worst part is my wallet is in the car and I'm in a Catch-22. I need $75 (or whatever number he told me) to get the car out of impound but I only have $55 in cash and my aTM card is in my wallet. If you could lend me $20, I'll be glad to pay you back immediately after I get my car back."

The act was so good that I would have fallen for it... had I NOT fallen for the SAME act with the SAME guy at the SAME show the previous year. When I told him that he laughed and said, "Well, some you win and some you lose. Thanks for the contribution last year!"

Bill

 

My favorite homeless guy act so far: a homeless man sprinted up to my friend and I, dropped, and started knocking out pushups while shouting his count out.

Odd, but we figured it had to be worth a buck or two.

 

Growing up, our small town had a fixture known as "Calvin the Glue Sniffer". Always begging for money to buy glue or grass, whatever he could get. A lot of the local store owners would not sell him glue. His standard line was "Hey man, you got some money so I can get a sandwich?" One day my buddy, who lived downtown at the time, and I were approached by Calvin and he asked us for money for a sandwich. My buddy said, "Hold on." and ran back to his apartment. I waited for a few minutes with Calvin. Then my buddy returned and handed Calvin a peanut butter and jelly sandwich served on a paper towel. And we went about our way. Calvin never asked either of us for money again.

 

Back in "boarding school", I went AWOL and managed to get to Manhattan... I slept in Grand Central Station that night and had some great conversation with one of the homeless guys there... The next day, I was hungry and set out asking people on the street for a quarter "because I needed to make a phone call"... This one homeless guy - on the same corner as me - had a cup full of change he amassed through the morning... When no one was looking, he turned to me and gave me a quarter...! I thought it was the funniest thing... It was a very nice gesture and he was definitely homeless... I'll never forget that guy...

 

During GP weekend in Montreal we saw two homeless guys ready to kill each other outside of a bank. They got into an argument over who was going to open the door when people were coming out with fresh, ATM cash. My buddy and I just stood there ane watched them scream in French. Of course, we didn't give them anything.

 

I see homeless taking old butts out of ashtrays all the time here in downtown St Paul. I make sure that when I'm done with my smoke I leave it burning in the tray. Pisses them off to find a smoked out butt.

 

I was going to a job interview several years back in Boston, and I got into downtown, found a parking garage and parked, and was walking around trying to find the place. A bum came up to me (with me all dressed up to the 9's) and asked me for change. I told him I'd give him $10 if he could tell me where XYZ building was. His eyes lit up and he gave me directions. After following them I realized he was totally full of $h!t and had just made up some turns to make it sound like he knew so I'd give him the money. So as I was walking back I saw him and I told him he's an ****** for lying. He said "sorry man you gotta do what you gotta do". By this time I had gotten correct directions so I told him he was going to escort me and carry my bag if he wanted to keep the $10. And he did! He carried my stuff all the way there like a pack mule.

No worries of him running off - he wasn't, uhh, very athletic looking.

 

This is why I next to never carry cash into the city. There is very little that I can't buy with an AmEx or Visa card anymore...for God's sake they take them at the McDonalds drive through.

I was going to see Stomp at the Fisher Theater about 4 years ago in Detroit and I parked in the lot behind the building. Shortly after leaving the car some homeless guy came up to me and told me that he would watch my car for me while I was in the theater for 5 bucks. I reached in my pocket and gave him the money...needless to say he wasn't around when I got out of the show, but my car was just fine. I figure that if I told him to get bent I would have a brick through my windshield. I now park in the structure when I go.