Going to my first Funeral tomorow

Hmm, haven't been to many myself. Just be yourself, they'll appreciate that you're there.

 

Man, I wish you the best and hope we all don't have to attend many. Through hardships I've realized even the best of men cry, so don't feel like you have to hold it in. The only 2 funerals that I've been to were for kids both under 18.

One was a recent accident, in which I was suppose to be in the car.. Makes you wonder.

 

Eric...

Just pay your respects to the family and then be a wallflower.

 

The service sucks. The wake will take care of that. As weird as it sounds, have fun if you are going to the wake. Meet new people and listen to stories. If somebody close to the deceased starts to 'lose it', ask them to tell you a story. They will always be smiling in the end.

 

I remenber my first vividly. You're never quite the same after a funeral, like something innocent & carefree inside is lost, at least that's how it was for me.

Make the best of it, and ask people to tell you stories about the man. It can turn into a melencoly kind of happy celebration.

 

Just remember the funeral is a rememberance of the father, and a big part of the greiving process for friends and family.

You're there because you have decided to be a part of that.

Support your friend in her grief. You don't really have to say anything special, just being there shows your care, and in her time of need, that's the most important thing.

DM

 

...And don't feel that you have to find the right words to say at such an occasion.

It's sad that as we get older, we attend more funerals...until ours is then attended.

 

The very best help you can be to your friend is to just be there, and keep conversation to a minimum (unless, of course, she wants to talk).

The second best thing you can do is to tell her to be prepared - people will say the most horribly insensitive things to her and her family. They don't mean to, they're just trying to help, but inevitably it comes out wrong. A quick word to your friend to prepare her for this will help immensely.

My condolences, and best of luck.

Neil

 

As bad as it may sound,ive had enough of going to funerals Around 20 of my friends have been killed or killed themselves and im sick of goin to funerals. I went to one 3 weeks ago,my mother's best friend died from a heart attack and it is a very close Greek community here,so we all had to go. Ive had enough

 

After you go to your own father's at age 14 the rest of them don't seem so bad.

 

Eric, it sounds like you've got a good grasp on the situation; I think you'll be fine... If this is your first funeral, and you're going to the wake, prep yourself to see a dead body... I've only been to one funeral in my entire life - my great-grandmother's - and I was a little kid... I remember walking in and being fine - until I saw her body in the open casket... She looked just as I'd remembered her; maybe even a little better... I couldn't help but stare and think that there she was, right there, but, at the same time, she was gone forever... Like Ben said, you lose something inside...

Bring flowers for the widow - and for your girlfriend, too... Try to be low key - like you said, with that many people, you'll blend right in... There will be other people there like you - people who aren't sure what to do or who weren't incredibly close to the deceased and they just showed to pay their respects... You'll find a group of people in quiet, light-hearted conversation... Just remember why you're there and you'll be fine.

 

In my case 15, and you're right.

Only time I'm really uncomfortable is when there's an open casket. This practice is ghoulish, and I totally deplore it.

Neil

 

10 for me on that. A real eyeopener on mortality. I never go to regular funerals anymore unless they're a low-key memorial service.

 

I have (had) a huge Italian family. Ive been to more wakes and funerals by the time i was 12 then most people have been in their life.

If youre going with your g.friend, be with her. Listen more then you talk. Ask her if shes ok once an hour. Hold her hand. Pay your respects to the family. Just hang out and be the calm one. "You're the boyfriend." as George Costanza says. If you feel freaked out about going to the casket, you dont have to. Not everyone does.

If you dont know what to say, dont say anything. Like i said, listening is more important for these. Be humble and respectful and youll do fine. Dont know their nationality, but its safe to say there is always a group of husbands/boyfriends at a wake that will hang with each other and make it a better situation. If you really freak out, go outside and hang with the smokers. They are always a cool bunch and talk about stuff outside.

Make sure you have tissues in your pocket for the church. Odds are she'll lose it in church. The organ always is the last straw.

Steph--Sorry to hear about your father when you were 14. I have a similiar story about my mother when I was 13. Sad to say, i dont know which is worse, mine or yours... got me thinking though.

 

My brother had a military honor guard and salute. That was different.

 

My opinion... dont bring flowers. Its not a date, its a funeral. Ive never known anyone that brought OR got flowers at a funeral. Id have to advise against that.

Im my mind, thats frickin WEIRD!

 

After you return from the funeral itself, you'll find the grieving for each family member will work itself out in strange and mysterious ways for some time to come, so, roll with the punches.

 

John doesn't think flowers are a good idea, but as a non-family member, I think they appropriately reflect the respect you're trying to show... I could be wrong; again, I've only been to one wake/funeral...

Nothing too showy; I would skip roses on this one... Just a nice bouquet for the widow/deceased and something nice for your girlfriend...

 

Funeral, wakes...all part and parcel of being an Italian. We're exposed to it at a young age; and although we get used to it, it's never easy.

I just attended one yesterday and it wasn't pretty. Not to mention, I buried my mom just one month ago.

 

IN THE JEWISH RELIGION WE DONT SEND ROSES OR FLOWERS.....TO THE FUNERAL CHAPEL OR CEMETARY

WE DO THE FOLLOWING 2 THINGS AND ITS JUST TRADITION.........

1.......WE SEND A DONATION TO THE FAMILY"S FAVORITE CHARITY OR ORGANIZATION IN MEMORY OR HONOR OF THE DECEASED

2...........WE COOK A MEAL FOR THE ENTIRE FAMILY , AND BRING IT OVER TO THEIR HOUSE, DURING THEIR MOURNING PERIOD..


PLUS, THE JEWISH RELIGION BURIES THE PERSON WITHIN 24 HOURS UNLESS A SATURDAY IS THE NEXT DAY.....WE DONT MESS AROUND WITH VIEWINGS...

BRUCE

 

Although Italians tend to want flowers, we bucked the trend and asked for donations to the Alzheimer Society.

 

But then you have to sit Shivah for what, a week...? Can't leave the house, stuff like that...?