Really funny email exchange between myself and idiot realtor!

Below you will see a few back and forth emails between myself and a real estate agent after I inquired about a property they listed on Craigslist.

I decided to go off on this person a little bit given the fact that I knew it would make for some good fun. Enjoy the idiocy!

The first email I sent after reading the craigslist add that was vague. All it said was 3br/2b, no other details:


Could you please let me know if this property is still available? If so, please describe in more detail if possible. Central air? Sq feet? Wood floors? Carpet? Layout?

Any pictures you may have of it would be great as well.

This would be for myself and 2 roommates. I am a currency trader, one roommate teaches N.O. Public school, and the 3rd is my cousin who will be starting Tulane Med in August. We don't care much for loudness, so is that a problem in that specific area?

Best,
John Suarez
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The property you inquired about is in the middle of Tulane University, and of course it's loud, just like living in a dorm.

This is a better alternative. Complete new top notch renovation. has everything.

6114 S. Claiborne, 3BR/2BA $1575
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Ok , still unsure about the general setup of the apartment. Any additional details you can add would really help out. It is a great uptown location, no doubt!

Hope to hear from you soon!
John
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you stated in an earlier email.

We don't care much for loudness, so is that a problem in that specific area?

The property you inquired about is in the middle of Tulane University, and of course it's loud, just like living in a dorm.

Therefore I assumed the setup for that property was irrelevant.

The setup for all these apartments is pretty much the same. 3 independent bedrooms, a kitchen, 2 baths, an outside area like porch or balcony, and a living room.
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Setup irrelevant? Sorry, but I didn't realize that people blindly pay $1650/month on something they don't even know about, lol. And if it is just like living in a dorm am I to assume that the faucets run? A constant smell from the bathrooms? Etc?

What kind of place are you running here?

Hopefully we can do business together, but that requires a minimum amount of effort to at least give a decent description of the place. Sq footage, floors, AC/heat setup, and so on.

I assumed you would actually be happy to have some professionals making an inquiry on this apartment instead of some lunatic college students who are going to tear the place apart dorm style. Help us out here and both of us can benefit nicely!

Best
John Suarez
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John,

YOU SAID YOU DIDN'T WANT A LOUD NEIGHBORHOOD.

I HAVE TOLD YOU TWICE THAT THIS IS A LOUD NEIGHBORHOOD..

THEREFORE, THE SET -UP DOESN'T MATTER.
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You obviously are new to this. I said we prefer to be quiet ourselves. But obviously by your response you prefer to have chaos and irresponsible tennets living in your property. Why you would want that is BEYOND my comprehension. Noise is simply a factor. A variable. ONE OF MANY.

So if the place is actually nice enough then it could possibly supercede the importance of that single variable. Maybe now you realize that giving actual details of your property would BENEFIT you and any potential customers.

John

 

Sounds like a nice guy must have lots of happy tennets

 

What does "has everything" mean? Access to crack cocaine? Built in stripper pole? Hole in the roof? Cockroach infestation?

 

No kidding! In fact, if I get one more response from this clown I'll be forced to email him a link to this thread

 

First of all, the word is tenants.

Secondly, why is the realtor the idiot? You stated, "we don't care much for loudness," implying that you would prefer a quiet location. You then proceeded to ask him twice more about the same property that didn't even meet one of your original criterion.

Thirdly, you then changed your tune and stated, "I said we prefer to be quiet ourselves." That clearly is not correct. The implication from your original message to him was that you were looking for a quiet place, not that you yourselves would be quiet in any location, regardless of the surroundings.

Fourthly, you insulted him further by telling him that, "you obviously are new to this." Yes, nothing like an insult from a potential renter that requires 2 other roommates no less to put a guy - that probably has to wade through dozens if not hundreds of insipid requests on a daily basis - in his place.

Good Lord, I would take some "lunatic college students" over you any day.

 

I'm glad someone else saw that the same way I did.

John, you clearly stated a requirement the first place didn't meet and the guy offered you an alternative right away. Sounds like he was doing his job.

 

Hey there Glenn, you actually decided to write something to me after ignoring my two PMs to you about your weird comment in my currency trading thread. Good for you!

I have another word for you, "typo."

Wrong. Saying we don't care much for loudness simply implies that we don't get roudy and out of control. This would be a DESIREABLE trait from a tenant, no? Or do you think otherwise...

Also, I explained that noise is only one factor. One of many variables. So for this realtor to blow me off on this one point only shows that the realtor has no confidence in the property, most likely thinks that he knows best, and on and on. Sound familiar to you there bud?

Again, wrong. Now, I could have stated "we implied that we prefer quite" if I were to be more precise. Sure.

Now, your comment makes no sense. Is my statement meant to mean that we would in fact be LOUD? I don't think so.

Yes, yes I did.

What exactly do you mean about 'requires 2 other roommates." I put him down on my own. So please elaborate.

Then you sound just as intelligent as the bloke trying to rent the place.

 

Except that I did not cleary state a requirement. Rather, I simply asked if noise was an issue. It is not a qualifier per se. Doing his job would mean describing the place properly instead of shrugging his shoulders and being a chump about it.

 

Dipsh!t!

 

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Toying with vermin.

 

I suppose some people don't see the value of humor. It is obvious that it is easy to get under this guy's skin. And for being such an unprofessional guy by purposely being vague, this is what he gets

 

I'd react the same way if I was the realtor. One of the first things you mentioned was loudness, this would make me feel that it is a huge variable for you. Not saying you're wrong but I wouldn't go as far as calling the realtor an idiot. Then again I may be wrong, who knows, just felt like making a post.

 

Feel free

If anything, the realtor should try to make a convincing arguement why we should rent from him. He should jump on the opportunity to potentially rent to responsible, clean, tenants. Why would he prefer college students who are much more likely to destroy the place?

This realtor makes no real effort to provide information, which is kindof crucial to the line of work he is in.

 

"Typo" is short for typographical error. While I don't need to reduce this to a discussion pertaining to elements of style and composition, clearly the keys for "tennets" are not in close proximity to the keys for "tenants." There is a difference between a misspelling and a typo.

You can debate the semantics of your original statement all you want, however the implication of your words were that you wanted a quiet place.

Obviously I hit a nerve with you given the tone of your post. Why are you so insecure about the whole world thinking that you are rich and successful? Are you not comfortable being who you are instead of who you wish you were?

 

John is right.

Loudness was last thing mentioned. Almost as if it were an afterthought. Realtor was fixated on that, ignoring the balance of the questions, which anyone in their right mind would want answered. Here is the first request for information:

 

Nice bait Glenn, but I don't bite.

You can try to think you are correct all you want, but making statements like this doesn't make your words truth.

How does my post say anything about playing some sort of perceived persona? Do tell!
I don't go around making off-base comments and then run away when asked for an explanation. You can't say the same for yourself.

And if you are referring to my currency trading thread, then you are right. How dare I post a lot of information, help out dozens of people here, and keep a running tally of day-to-day trading? I must be such a pompous ****** to do such a thing

 

BTW, all you should be capitalizing "Realtor" as it is a trademarked term invented to create an air of professionalism to the job.

LawyER, doctOR, realtOR, get it?

 

Email content, like PMs, is private stuff. Posting it in public is very bad form John.

No he shouldn't. The Realtor has multiple apartment listings apparently, and he has another that it probably a better general fit for you. He is probably representing multiple apartment owners and is supposed to try and find the best customer for each, why should he focus on trying to sell you one that doesn’t meet the one requirement you set forth?

Personally I'd think the proper course of action would be to describe the apartment, and describe the alternative and explain why he thinks the alternative was a better fit for you. He didn't do that and his later response in all-caps isn't exactly professional, but neither are your emails.

 

I didn't get your PM in time!
You are my hero

 

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soo, when do you move in?

 

Regarding not responding to your PMs, I suppose since you wish to discuss it openly, I shall.

Your website is Suarez Capital. You have quotes of yourself there. The music playing is For The Love of Money. You state that your return on your trading account is 237%. Your avatar here is a picture of the Wall Street sign. Your signatures are from movies pertaining to futures trading and real estate purchases. You have 5000 posts on a Ferrari website.

You are a caricature of a Ferrari owner. You epitomize the clichéd exotic car owner that is shallow and cares for nothing except money. You are consumed by showing the world that you are successful.

Can you imagine if every Ferrari owner and potential owner was like you?

I think you are a well-intentioned young man. I think you have passion for what you do, and that is great. I think that you also, at times, come off as arrogant, self-absorbed, and consumed by the almighty dollar, which is not so great. You seem to be trying too hard to impress.

My father once told me that when you truly are successful, you will no longer need to brag – others will do the bragging for you.

Then again, I am nobody but a voice on the internet. And you seem to have all the answers to much, and I am sure will have a snappy rejoinder for my last post in this thread.

Keep on, keepin’ on, John. Judging by pictures I’ve seen, we are close in age. By contrast, we have vastly differing opinions on life. I suppose that’s what makes this world great.

Good luck on your home search.

 

Glenn....

Don't throw stones if you live in an invisible house!

Fill out your profile!

 

Thanks Mom! But in this case I see it otherwise. I haven't posted any personal information about this person. For all you know I could have made this entire thing up just to mess with Fchat. How dare I post a conversation I have had with someone else! Bad John, bad.

This person doesn't have a clue because he hasn't even asked any questions to get to know what it is I am actually looking for.

Because I did not say that noise was the biggest deal. The comment was made so he understood we were quiet. Also, it gives him an opportunity to describe the block.

Agreed 10,000%

Of course my emails aren't professional, that is why it is funny!