Myspace help needed

Please elaborate, I'm not sure what your point is here. Are you saying that allowing kids to drink and have sex at 14 is bad, but not allowing them to drink and have sex at 14 is worse because then the kid feels "controlled", goes bananas, and then won't be fairly successful and have drinks with all the other kids who drank and had sex at 14?

Did she have a serious boyfriend as well? If your point is that your community abounds with irresponsible parents, then well taken.

I'm still curious about your answers to these questions.

 

MySpace--hahah.. what a joke..

anyway, "SPARE THE ROD AND SPOIL THE CHILD!"

where da fock where your senses parents when your kids were younger, dumber, and out of control??

Discipline...

 

As far as the underage drinking is concerned, not uncommon at all. I am not saying it is right, but there are a lot worse things your kids could be doing believe me. Obviously as a parent it is your choice on how you view or handle that situation; however, if your kids is doing well for the most part academically and such, give them a little slack unless or until it becomes a problem. Someone brought up the issue of teen drunk driving. My father told me when I turned 16 if I was ever out and drinking and did not have a safe ride, not matter what time it was I could call him without ramifications. Just don't drive! I would encourage all parents out there to do the same.

As far as having sex at 14, 15, 16. Is it a good thing for a girl of that age? Probably not, but it is not a horrible thing. Not going to get into the whole morality issue. Parents can set what ever rules they please and if the teenagers wishes they will find a way to break them. Reinforce abstinence, but make sure they know about contraceptives and how to protect themselves. Scary how many do not.

 

I agree with the general sentiment of this thread. There is no need to spy on an 18 year old. She is probably in college, she is going to drink and there is nothing you can do about that. Just make sure she is smart enough to not drive drunk. It can really ruin your life if you get caught... it is not worth it - it is just stupid.

Also anyone who is wondering about underage drinking... what did you all do when you were in college? The drinking age was 18 not too many years ago, and it less than 21 in most every other country. Why is it such a big deal that 18 year olds not drink? I agree that 14 is a bit young to start drinking, but I think around 16-17, or once you have a few years of high school under your belt it is not bad for your kids to start "experimenting."

I'm not saying condone it, but the fact of the matter is that if your kids aren't really exposed to drinking at all, when they get to college they might not be able to handle it and might go overboard and drink themselves into the hospital or not be able to separate studying from partying.

The sex thing is a bit of a different issue I guess. Although I wouldn't consider 14 pre-pubescent. In any event, how are you going to control it? You aren't going to be with your daughter/son every second of their lives, and they are sneakier than you think. They are going to find time alone and be able to do what they want to do. Maybe 14 is a bit young but 15,16,17 - basically during high school - is when kids what to try new things out - there is really nothing you can do to stop them.

 

I never said it was a good idea, and I whole heartedly blame the parents for it, but that wasn't my point at all. I was just statin that kids having sex at 14 isn't out of the ordinary. It wasn't when I was that age (10yrs ago) and it's more common now.

And yes there is a way to keep kids from having sex at that age, but it requires parents that both don't work and have time to spend with the kids. These days the average parent is out the door by 8am and probably not home till 6. That leaves a solid 3-4 hours to get into trouble, and kids being kids will do so.

But that being said i'll do everything possible to keep my kids (when I have any) from taking that path. And I even do so currently with my 14yr old cousin. Her parents are great but a little too conservative at times (in regards that they rarely even watch TV, etc) But at least she can talk to me, and for the time being knows the only guys in her life are me and her dad. And honestly thats one thing that keeps her somewhat inncoent, she isn't looking for attention and only getting it from horny little boys.

 

If she lives in your house you have a right to monitor her conduct IMHO. Set some house rules and inform her to follow them or find another place to live. Be her parent, not her friend...

 

The point is that parents that fail are naive, BUSY, or, they simply don't care. Parents need to be aware that kids having sex before marriage is common as is underage drinking. So, they need to cover the subjects rather than avoid or forbid them.

I didn't say it's a good or bad thing, it's a fact. My neighbor is 4 years younger than me and the things I've seen him and his friends do are shocking as are the even worse stories I hear about other kids their age they tell me.

I wouldn't recommend the behavior but they need to be educated and well aware of consequences. Instilling morals is the most important thing a parent can do.

 

She's an adult, tell her dad to get a life. Just because the government says it's wrong to drink at 18, doesn't mean it is. What does he think most college kids do? Does he think they're all of age? If he heard that she had pictures on there of herself in the middle of a 50 person orgy being shot up with heroin and smoking crack while 4 guys blow lines off various parts of her body, maybe he'd have more reason to be concerned.

 

Agreed.

My parents did me the favor of PARENTING me rather than befriending me. As a result, I'm self-sufficient, successful, disciplined and have a relationship with them that has grown into genuine friendship and respect.

 

Nope, 100% will not work. You can't give them that much slack and then try to lay the smack down at 18. She will either A, tell them to F-off, get a job (if she doesn't have one) and move out, at which time she will continue to do w/e she wants anyway. Uhh, yeah, thats about all that will happen. This problem needed to be solved at 12 not 18.

At some point you have to let her be the adult she is, it's too late for dad to do much about it. IMO his best bet would be to be a supportive parent, help her through college, and give her ever chance at a successful life. Treating her like shes a child will do nothing but bring havoc.

 

Rather, I'd tell her father to grow some stones. Regardless of what she's doing, she's doing it because he's enabling her. Nothing like a nudge out of the nest and taste of real life responisibilties to cure the desire for wasted time, money, and poor choices.

 

This is so true.

 

Having sex before marriage and drinking under the legal age is one thing, having sex and drinking at age 14 is another thing entirely.

Why do you keep bringing up what your co-workers and neighbors are doing? How is that of any relevance?

I guess I was unusually privileged to grow up in a community where the vast majority of parents cared about and were involved in what their children were doing.

 

I'm bringing it up as a point relevance to the argument of common or uncommon.

I guess you were lucky. Before my father passed away I was very priviledged to have both of my parents care. My mom stayed at home and took care of me and my dad was home by 5:30 everyday. After my father passed away I had to take care of my mom so, I had to parent myself and her. It's more of a joke now if anything because I find myself telling my mom not to do things, giving advice and letting her know when she's being immature haha.. we just laugh. We're more like roommates than mother and daughter but I'm the only one out of my mom and her friends' daughters that didn't get into hard drugs, have a baby out of wedlock, etc. Keep in mind that we live in a very nice area so, it's not like we're trailer trash country bunkins haha...

 

So Steph, what say you if you had a 14y/o daughter who was doing that? Would you be pleased? Would you say something? How would you explain the situation?
14y/o people take things VERY seriously because of a lack of maturity. This is a fact. I am not faulting you at all, just curious as to how you would handle it as a parent, that's all.

 

If she's 18 that means she's going to college soon and she's going to drink there and I doubt he can stop her. I am one of the few people who don't drink at all in college. I find it really hard to not do it too so if she's already doing it I'm pretty sure it'll continue through college. He should just sit down and talk to her about it.

 

Just a thought here, but why doesn't he just ask his daughter if she will show it to him? No need to sneak around it. Obviously whe will say no, but then he can ask why. And this could be a good lead-in to a 'talk'

 

It took me 3 pages to understand why you guys were talking about underage drinking ... 18y/o is legal here.
I honestly don't see much "wrong" with all of this. She's 18, not 12. No big deal.

 

18????i was under the impression it was 19 thats why the thing to do on your 19th is cross the border and get wasted

 

18? This guy's way too late. Daughter's already knocked over the Depository Bank of Zurich if that's what she's gonna do.

 

Sauce is prevalent in the two prior posts...

 

Oh hell if I know.. that won't happen for at least another 15 years and by then I'll be 37 and have totally different views. Of couse I wouldn't choose for my daughter to lose her virginity at a young age or drink but at that point all you can do is put her on the pill to prevent pregnancy, talk about the risk of disease, and offer her a ride if she drinks too much. I WOULD try to prevent it all from becoming an issue but after it has what else can you do but educate and make sure they're doing these things safely. I'm not stupid, I was that age 8 years ago.. I know that if there was something I wanted to do I was going to do it regardless of what anyone told me. I was 14 and I knew it all, we all do at that age. lol.

Keep in mind his daughter is 18 and not 14.. I was using myself and my situation as an example. Chances are she's already lost her virginity and drank till she's puked on several occasions so, he's a bit late. DAMN MYSPACE hahahaha.

 

You are talking about a 14 year old girl?!!!

Oh man, my 14 year old girl will not be setting foot near your trailer.

 

Curious. Does your daughter have a cell phone? A computer in her room? I'd bet dollars to boons farm she is likely on myspace as well.


I'll anxiously await the info this dredges up