How to deal with stress related to "budding success"

So here I sit at what I hope are the last few months of my crummy desk job that ive had for the last 7 years made an ok income and we have been investing as much as we can. we being me and my girlfriend of 5 years we both work our full time day jobs and bust our butts after work with our one real estate project and we are also simutaneously trying to launch two companies if thats not enough to make our heads spin from the pressure of not failing and being relegated to a life of the rat race, then you throw in the ability to actually plan to purchase things like ferrari and a larger home etc... then toss on the problems with family and friends who already see us as too successful for our own good and don't know why we want more and also they are upset we dont have the time to commit to liesure right now as we are driven to make the next step financially. and we don't share our finances with anyone else work friends, or otherwise, we did break it to our parents while sworn to secrecy about the real estate stuff but noone else knows and they don't understand why we cant come hang out and watch spiderman 3 this weekend.

throw then the new pressures of needing new forms of tax help, and all the calls ot the irs to figure out taxes on busisness and such having never done it, dealing with the whole gambit of daily life as well from laundry to grass cutting to getting the dishes washed and still have time to sleep and get back to the day jobs.....

how have those of you who made it out of the lower middle class to the upper class income wise been able to deal with the stress sometimes im giddy with happiness and sometimes I am terrified it really is taxing to put yourself thru the hassle of becoming finacialy stable and solvent we want for any future kids we have and to take care of our aged family we both are from lower class income familyies, I even grew up dirt poor lower lower class income wise but my parents did raise me with some sense at least.

its a fairly tumultous time for us feeling like I have water up to my chin and im on tip toes already.. and vacation is out of the option its put up or go home time. please tell me it gets easier when you cross some sort of financial milestone. give me a goal even if it takes 10 years where I can decide to rest and enjoy the fruits of my labor or maybe I should take more time now I don't know.

man is it scary to walk away from stable income that most people would consider good income , but we need the time more for development of our enterprises than someone elses. anywho here I am freaking out a bit trying to slow down the old blood pressure and keep going one step at a time... I like fchat I think this is the only place that I could share something like this and not get slapped in the face with " oh you have it so good what do you have to worry about" I cannot stand that small minded crap thats why folks stay where they are income wise thru generations of families god forbid that folks actually stand up and take their own futures on their shoulders rather than look to the goverment for finacial security.

 

Maybe post this in the off topic area?

 

IMO you're not necessarily working smart. Leveraging your time and simplifying are a couple of key things that would help. It's not impossible to do but it's up to you to figure out how to make that happen. You may be equating success with having a million things on the go. That's fine but you are really just on a tread mill and it will eventually kill you. Learn to become time rich. Good luck.

 

if a mod would move it that would be just fine, I dont know how to move a thread im guessing I can't.

could you expound more on the time rich front ? not sure that I understand it which is painfully obvious I plan on having lots of free time once I reach the point our business's/investments are paying all the bills and growing in size ie not having to retain other jobs, I am planning on quitting the status quo job currently she is going to keep the steady job going a bit longer until it is holding her back which is the point we are reaching with me on a regular 9-5. and its not all about the money as mentioned, I want to be able to care for my parents in their golden years, my dad is hitting 60 now and has no house of his own at this point he'd have to work till he dies just to live. we currently live well below our means hence our ability to use our money to leverage into things that will get us we hope financially independant.

I see alot of threads where people say they have exposed themselves to risk, and busted their humps to get where they are that is our plan I will gladly take any direction under advisement and from research and learning we just decided to start the second buisness the first one is labor based home improvment stuff, the new one will be in consulting I have some expertise laid by I am not putting to use that I see a business need for. that plan is much more ambitious and has a much larger income potential. so we are trying to learn from our mistakes and move forward at maximum possible speed. I just feel a sense of ugency and feel the need to drive myself every day.

how does one get off of a tread mill? I always felt the 9-5 was the treadmill the work till you die with no real money or retirement. if the small starter business front is the same way then I suppose I need to get another plan going. we have a million ideas and pretty much guranteed ways to make the income we want but not the investment capital so all the steps we are taking are to move us up to that next level. the ferrari is how I am planning to reward myself medium term as I also don't like the idea of working forever with no payoff.

some folks here have been thru this phase of life, and I would gladly like to learn from any mistakes made, lessons learned, and or ways to cope with things, as i mentioned the friend/family stress, the fear/want of success, the little time left for the daily needs etc... ive heard it said all things in balance and we are breaking that rule big time but we have the idea that it will pay off. to give you some idea on where we are at we could afford a 100k car now but we don't want to shoot ourselves in the foot, I feel we are at an awkward time with problems not on our radar cropping up things like facing amt, taxes in forms we hadent anticipated, various types of insurance, and other things I had never even considered in my get rich one day dreams. things are rarely as simple as they seem and I can testify to that.

I think honestly alot of folks stay at regular jobs their whole lives is a fear of success, or a fear of failure. we sort of jumped in with both feet consequences be dammed and so far weve overcome every obstical we've faced. at times it just wears thin and it can be hard to climb out of bed, then we regroup and go back at it. I hope I am not the only one that feels this way !

 

I think there are a lot of questions that have to be answered before YOUR questions can be answered:

- How old are you?
- Do you have a family?
- What is your net worth?
- What is your income?
- What is your income goal? And why?
- What is your net worth goal? And why?

 

It's your choice, but don't be surprised when your family and friends are pissed because you are putting them on the back burner. People are more understanding when you are trying to make a good life for yourself, and not when you are trying to attain things that are really not needed for a happy life... do you getmy drift?

I can't tell you what to do but I will tell you that a ferrari and a big house won't comfort you when those people are dead and gone and you're left sitting around wondering why you didn't spend time with them when they were still around.

 

- How old are you?

28

- Do you have a family?

girlfriend only we live together no local family they all moved away to follow jobs of their own and college and such.

-What is your net worth?

335,000

- What is your income?

160,000

- What is your income goal? And why?

1 to 3 million per year goal, the why is so that we can have much more money than we need for investing and taking care of our respective families

- What is your net worth goal? And why?

we do not really have a net worth goal, I guess the idea is to let our investments continue to grow, we would like to pass on some sort of legacy to our kids and our siblings kids as well so that they wont have to start from ground zero like we did, if I had to put a number on it id say 100 million would be a dream goal I would like to reach one day. realisticly I would be happy with 5 to 10 million in assets that were growing at a decent % enough so that I could pay myself around 300k a year for bills and wants and such.

our income and net worth numbers are our combined numbers as we are in this together we have a great relationship and thats one of the key things that keep us going normally we are happy, but we do get stressed out occasionally sort of like I am feeling today. we do get to take the trip and see our families a few times a year currently her mom is down south and my family resides in new york state.

as I said alot of folks think we are very succesfull but all I can think about half the time is what will a million dollars be worth when im 65 or 70 and part of that urgency is who will care for both of our parents in 10 to 15 years. we want our big house so that we can have family over and maybe have them live with us with facilities for a live in nurse if we want for their retirement years. were not talking about crazy money being spent on a house either. we think we can build the house with want for around 800k not counting the land were not talking a 30 million dollar lifestyles of the rich and famous lifestyle. we want the income to have options and to pursue things that we like me racing, maybe my own airplane as examples of hobbies, maybe a vacation house think cheap house on a lake in main not something on the beach.

I feel like our wants are modest, my biggest weakness is honestly cars but I would like to have the money to enjoy that hobby as well. I hope this helps. I don't feel that we are money grubbing jerkoffs I feel we a healther view of money than most, as our self worth isnt tied to our jobs or money.

 

One thing I realize, the older I get, is that you have a finite amount of time and energy. Focus it all on your business, and you will be quite wealthy, but divorced, with kids who aren't sure who "pappa" is...

Being successful is stressful, back breaking, stomach churning, ulcer creating work. If some one has found an easy way to do it, please share.

You sound like you are young. And, stress is a relative thing. Seems to me that the older you get, the more stressful life becomes. As time passes, you have family, and health to worry about.

I have yet to find any secret way of gathering wealth. It still comes down to working 3 times more than the average Joe, ahving some god given talent, a supportive wife, opportunity...and, hopefully, luck...

I think success is partly a personal trait you are born with (personality type A with a CAPITAL A), the rest is shear dumb luck. Take 100 ditch diggers and place them in an area thought to harbor diamonds. They all work equally hard, they are all motivated. Some of them hire other ditch diggers. Some of them work twice as hard. But, some times the laziest ditch digger hits the mother load. Life isn't fair .

Good luck.

 

I have been through this before. It sounds like you need to find a way to have balance in your life. You can not work all the time without burn out, you have to schedule and take the time off. When you are relaxed and rested you can think and plan better.

Also, hire a personal assitant to take care of the "chores." Find out how much money you make per hour working. If you can hire someone to do things for less, do it.

Matt

 

A few thoughts, many of which are from lumps on my head that I have accumulated over the years:

"Success" is a relative term. What society terms as "success" doesn't always align with my definition.

I have a high-paying, respectable job. At times, I have been tempted to jump out there on my own, move to take an even higher-paying job, etc. There are days when my job feels like a treadmill.

Society says "To heck with everyone else, do what makes YOU happy."

Yet if I did so, it would be at a tremendous cost to others - namely my family. A real man puts the needs of his family ahead of himself. There are a lot of males running around out there; not necessarily a lot of men.

It appears that you are putting a lot of faith in wealth; that is, if you have "enough", you will be content. That is a lie. It simply isn't so. It may take you until 50 or 60 to realize this (which would be a darn shame), but it is the truth no matter.

You are extremely blessed to make the amount of money you make, and have what you have, at your age. Why don't you take a moment and be thankful for what you DO have, instead of what you DON'T have?

And your girlfriend of 5 years: Do her a favor and marry her. It's not fair to have her as an unpaid whore from now on. If you aren't going to marry her, be a man and tell her so that she can go on with her life. To do otherwise is being a complete selfish jerk.

You can take my post as a flame and ignore it completely, or accept it as sincere advice.

 

Just a thought......sharpen your pencil. I think your 100 million dream goal needs to be modified. This leads me to think you need to take your success in steps. Bite off little bits and set achievable goals for the short time, like 1 year, 2 years, 5 years. Then when you reach that 1 year goal, you will need to celebrate. This will feed your brain and get you on track and pumped up for the second year's goal and so on.

As others have said above, you need to balance your life. You will "shut down" from working if you don't enjoy the fruits once in a while.

You need to think very clearly how much $$ you really need live on. 5-10 million in assets growing at a reasonable %. What is reasonable? 5% will get you $250,000 to %500,000. That is doable and in the long haul an average return of 8-10% is not uncommon. So, if you target 10% average return, you only need $3,000,000. Accumulating $3 mil is a lot easier than say trying to accumulate $100 mil.

Make a plan and stick to it. It is a very rare event when someone gets rich overnight. Enjoy along the way, life is too short not to.

 

I can understand where you are coming from - I worked damn hard for 5 years on my own business which all went wrong and left me in debt. One of the things that the experience of losing it all has taught me is that it doesn't really matter at all - wealth, success, all the things associated with them that I had been busting my ass and stressing over isn't worth the stress. At the end of the day, it's all just a game. I think maybe you just need to take a step back and think about what you want from life and why you want it. Once you've done so, reframe your stress as something else - enthusiasm for what it is you are doing for example. I now have a really ****ty job and am dabbling in business on the side and am much happier than I was whilst I was running my company.

Also, you need to let go of any interest whatsoever in what other people think about you. That's a major point in success. I know that is a very hard thing to do, but remember, friends come and friends go. The friends you have at any particular point in life may not be the friends you want in your life at subsequent points in your life (and they may feel the same about you).

I know that my suggestions are hard to implement (I myself haven't managed to completely implement them myself, and doubt I ever will), but life isn't easy - it is a fight and that's what makes it rewarding. If it were easy, success wouldn't taste half as sweet as it does!

Also don't sweat it too bad if things don't go your way all the time - the most successful self made person I've ever met (net worth approx GB£35 million) once said to me "remember it takes 15 years to become an overnight success"

Most of all though, I wish you luck - one of the best pieces of advise I ever got to deal with the pressure of becoming successful is to consider the following thought: who are you not to have it all?

 

+1 to what husker just said.

My first thought reading your posts was you need an assistant.

My second thought was to be sure that your contract with your GF in these businesses clearly outlines dissolution division of the equity and debts. I don't care how long you've been together but a "girlfriend" has little to no other contractual obligation to you and is a very difficult situation to deal with on breakup. I have had clients who bought property with BF/GF with both names on title and it was a disaster on break up (why they hired lawyers), possibly worse than divorce.

Even if you're putting off marriage for whatever reason you need a contract to sort it out. Get all of the just-in-case stuff in writing. But I second husker's note to just marry her if you trust her so much!

Lastly, we are about the same age and are both from families on the low end of the income scale. Beware of the "poor boy syndrome" where you are possessed by success on the world's terms and are trying to prove something to others (likely your family and peers). With it you daydream about buying things (homes, cars, vacations, etc) for your family. Often this is something that will cause discord and alienation, if you take it too far. It has taken me a long time to realize that many of my family and friends did not have the discipline or skill sets I have been blessed with and that I shouldn't look down or express frustration with them for taking what many consider to be lesser paths in life. When I had problems a few years ago they ended up being the people who offered support and helped me through things. I'm still trying not to be a brat about such things, but I just bring it up because I sense it reading your posts.

 

Two things come to mind when I read your post.

1) it sounds like you'll never have "enough" with your current mindset.
2) tomorrow is promised to no one.

 

+1,000,000,000,000

None of this is worth anything if your not happy. Personally I've given up a lot to live where I do, and I've never been happier in my whole life. Maybe I gave up making $2,000 a day, but I could care less, there's so many ways to make money I'd rather find another way than live somewhere that I'm not happy. Life is f'n great. Your personal happiness should come before anything in life.

My advise to you is you have 2 options:

1: Deal with the stress, tough it out. If you wanna continue this trend, you're going to have to just suck it up. You also should consider your health, both physically and mentally. High stress leads to things like heart attacks at an early age, rapid aging, etc. Also, mentally it can wear you down to the point that your too tired to even think about anything rationally. This is when you start making bad decisions, and everything you've worked so hard for goes away. Keep pounding the pavement and invest what you can, or finance a business or something like that to make more $$.

2: Cut back on your living expenses and take an extra day or 2 off work to balance your work/private life. Also, you need to do spontanious things, like just jump in the car and take a drive to BFE some weekend, totally unplanned. These kinda things are a great stress reliever.

You didn't say what your living expenses are, but if your driving Beemers/Lexuses, etc, cut back. Suck it up and drive an Accord or something cheaper for now. It'll save you a TON of money, not only in the monthly car nut, but the maintaince, etc. All that crap adds up quickly. Also look at other normal expenditures you have, like your electric bill etc. How many times a week do you spend $5 in a gas station? It adds up. Do you go out to eat a lot? Stop. It's expensive. You have to analize every aspect of your life and ask yourself "Do I really NEED this to live right now?" 80% of the time, you don't. Cut that expense out of your life.

You make a lot of money a year, and with some properly played investments you could easily make your dreams. Stop working so hard, and work smart. Use your money to make more money, and stop spending what you don't need. You make enough a year that the 2 of you should be able to achieve your dreams easily in the next 5 years.

 

I feel you...

I want some advice on how to deal with the stress of being soooo freaking GOOD LOOKING !

What kind of a question is this ?

Maybe I woke up on the wrong side of bed and Im just being cranky but while I congratulate you on your accomplishments thus far, i cant see your immediate situation as being so successful that it is changing your life or causing added stress.

As far as Im concerned you're still middle class until you are bringing in $500k+ per year.

Correct me if Im wrong but the actual question you are asking is " How do I balance work life and personal life ?" .. isnt it ?

I also agree with many here that 'chasing success' is a fools errand. Chase your passions and the financial gains will follow...but dont make those your goal or you will live a sad life.

 

Few people are time rich. What this means is that you have it figured so that you have an income stream but have the time to enjoy doing whatever you want whenever you want. I like to be making money when I sleep for example How do you do that? One way is income property.

Other ways to become time rich; higher qualified people to do what takes up a lot of time, avoid long commutes, automate the things that can be, become a manager of aspects of your life, use technology as much as you can, stay away from time waster people, simplify your life(pets are great but require a lot of time that maybe you don't have right now), prioritize(don't leave out exercise), combine tasks for efficiency, higher a gardener etc. The list can go on and on. If it's a mystery how to achieve this you may want to just sit down and ask how can I do all this more efficiently?

 

Man, everyone posted a novel in their replies! I don't have time to read all that

When I started my business about 7 years ago, I regularly worked 12-14 hours a day, often 16 hour days, 6 or 7 days a week. I was lucky in that my girlfriend was studying overseas, which helped.

Here is my opinion

1) Don't let money be your objective. It's a big part of it, of course, but don't let it be THE objective. Or else you'll have problems when it doesn't come as soon as you'd like (and it will never come as soon as you'd like)

2) Don't get too wrapped up in the destination that you forget to enjoy the journey. A smart man told me this once. I've been in business for myself as my sole job and income provider for 7 years. I enjoy being able to do what I like. I enjoy meeting new customers. I enjoy seeing positive magazine reviews of our products. I enjoy talking to happy customers. I enjoy meeting people at trade shows. I enjoy knowing people 'in the biz' and interacting with them on an ongoing basis. Don't get too wrapped up in making the big coin that you forget to enjoy the journey. Yeah it's majorly stressful at times, but it's also rewarding at many times too.

3) MAKE TIME FOR YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS. Never never forget them. I would have lost my girlfriend if I didn't give her some time. You MUST do this. Do not ever put your business behind them. Do you not spend tiem with them because you literally do not have enough time in the day? Or are you enjoying your new business and you're spending your time working on it? I'm guessing the latter. Take one day per week and agree to do nothing for business. You will go out with your lady, or with your friends, or both. Do not overlook this. It will have little effect on the outcome, but will make your home live, love life, and friend live MUCH better.

 

kompressor, I really don't have much to offer to this thread. I am nowhere near where most of you guys are, in fact I am just about to start university this fall. What I CAN say however, is good luck! I hope it is little things like compliments and kind gestures that help you out in your goals. I think your reasons are very valid, and while judging from your previous posts, we have been brought up VERY differently, I just think that what you plan to achieve is very respectable.

I wish you luck in your business plan, and in a few years, I too plan to open my own business

Hang in there bud!

 

I guess many people place money as the ultimate of success but it ends up being a false god. Your goal are so high that you will blow off all of your friends and family for a golden throne. Not worth it in my opinion. You seem fried already and with to many balls in the air you'll end up with a stroke or a heart attack. Think then what the $'s will do when you are in a bed or wheelchair. Start enjoying your life . You have a great income and if that's on a 40 hour week then start taking come vacation or down time. I just retired after 45 years working in the semiconductor business. Made great money for my taste and am sitting on a great nestegg. Getting a full pension and will start sucking out my SS. I have a simple life now with extremely low stress and no debt. Play golf 3 days a week unless I want more and will travel to a few places in the world on vacation. Enjoying our friends and children. So its all up to what you think is successful. I have made it and will enjoy it. Also if you don't get married then you'll need to check on who gets what if you split. So marry her and get on with it. Enjoy the ride , I now drive my Fcar every day it doesn't rain and love it. My 2 cents

 

+1 to pretty much what everyone else has said. I think a balance in life is important. Don't climb a ladder to the top and then realize you leaned it on the wrong wall.

 

We're in a similiar position except I'm single and 30. My sacrifices in relationships (I'm terribly introverted) allows me to focus my time with friends, family, and helping my friends through their rough times.

One of you will burn out before the other. Plan for it.

The accumulation of wealth can never totally rely on you and/or your g/f to manage it 365 days a year without a vacation.

Do something for yourself routinely, do something for her spontaneously, both in the name of stress relief. Do you want the best memories together to revolve around wealth acquisition?

Life is not a competition. Wealth is easier to accumulate than trust or companionship. Let your friends and family "win" once in a while.

 

Sounds like you're stuck knee-deep in the rat race.

Life is not about how much you can amass. I was told that eleventy billions times when I'd moan about how slowly I was becoming rich. While I'm not much older than you, I've had enough experiences in the past 5 years to really knock my head straight.

Sure, you can go for $100 million in the bank, but why? Do you have any idea how much stress $100 mil can create? Body guards, new phone #'s every month, new cell phones every month, constantly hiding, trying to lead a private and normal life, constantly monitoring either your cash or the guy who monitors it (know how many rich people get screwed by their accountant?). It's hard to relax with that kind of dough; everyone will want a piece of it. And don't think you'll quietly make it without anyone finding out.

My goal is a paltry $5 mil, $1 mil of which will pay for a house and two cars and furniture and clothes and a couple of nice things. The rest will sit and accrue interest, which at 5% would end up giving us $200,000/year as income without spending a single day working.

Hopefully I'll have that by 40, but if I don't, no big deal. I don't mind working as long as the work is something that inspires me. Do not let the money you make inspire you--you'll be empty and black on the inside. Find what you like and, even if the money doesn't follow, you won't care because you'll be happy.

 

The fascinating thing about success, is that the law of diminishing returns applies...

The more you make, the higher you set your goals - there really never is a finish line. Well, maybe death... .

Where you might have once been happy with a 20,000$ car, you now want/need a $50,000 car. Then a $100,000 car, etc. The more you make, the more you spend. There is a mental reward mechanism you need to trigger to explain to yourself why you are working the crazy hours that you are...

I applaud Warren Buffet for ammassing Billions yet spending so little of it. I don't know how he does it. It somewhat defeats the point of making money. But he seems to have found his path to happiness.

Here is what I know... Working intelligently to amass wealth is admirable, but limit yourself to working 30 hours a week or so - if you can. At least thats my goal. Spend the rest of your time enjoying life. Its completely assinine that we all spend 40-70+ hours weekly at work. These are the BEST hours of our day. Then we go home tired, and that is the time we relegate to "enjoying" ourselves and our family.

I often wonder why the uber-rich don't just work 20 hours per week. Sure, you might make $500,000 per year rather than $1mm per year. So what? RELAX...

 

Congratulations to you for getting it right ! Enjoy !