Aussie joke thread

KIng Arthur and the Witch


To the beautiful women I know.......


Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighbouring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, If after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death. The question was: What do women really want?

Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man,

And to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query.

But, since it was better than death,

He accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.

He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone:


The princess, the priests, the wise men, and even the court jester.

He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.


Many people advised him to consult the old witch,

For only she would have the answer.

But the price would be high as the witch was famous through out the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.

The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch.

She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price first.

The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot,

The most noble of the Knights of the Round Table,

And Arthur's closest friend!

Young Arthur was horrified.

She was hunch-backed and hideous, had only one tooth, Smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc.

He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.

He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden, But Lancelot, having learnt of the proposal, spoke with Arthur.

He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life.

And the preservation of the Round Table.

Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered.

Arthur's question thus: "What a woman really wants?"

She said, "Is to be in charge of her own life."

Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth.

And that Arthur's life would be spared.

And so it was.

The neighbouring monarch granted Arthur his freedom.

And Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.

The honeymoon hour approached and, Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom.

But, what a sight awaited him.

The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed.

The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened.

The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch,

She would henceforth be her horrible and deformed self only half the time.

And the beautiful maiden the other half.

"Which would you prefer? She asked him.

"Beautiful during the day ... or at night?"


Lancelot pondered the predicament.

During the day he could have a beautiful woman to show off to his friends,

But at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch!


Or, Would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day?

But by night a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous, intimate moments with?

(If you are a man reading this...) What would YOUR choice be? (If you are a woman reading this..) What would YOUR MAN'S choice be?

What Lancelot chose, is given below:

BUT... make YOUR choice before you scroll down
below...
OKAY?

Noble Lancelot, knowing the answer the witch gave Arthur to his question, He said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself.

Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time

Because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.

Now... what is the moral to this story?



Scroll Down........


The moral is...

1) There is a witch in every woman no matter how beautiful she is!

2) If you don't let a woman have her own way, things
are
going to get ugly.


So, always remember:

IT'S EITHER "HER WAY" OR IT'S "NO WAY" !!!

 

after all this time, that's it?

 

Not sure if this is a repost.


One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.



Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."



I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear... "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her.

We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits.

She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all.

She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Let's get a pair for each outfit."

We went on to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings.

Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck.

I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."

She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?"

I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that ***** knows I'm smarter than her.

 

I'll leave the big talk to other here.....

 

+1

 

don't forget to vote......

http://www.ferrarichat.com/forum/showthread.php?t=154912&page=4

 

Had an accident today. Wasn't watching ahead and ran into the back of a Mazda. This dwarf races up to me and says "I'm not happy". I says "then which one are you"

 

Big weekend, will start a thread tomorrow.

 

hahahahahaha


hmmmmmm


was that a joke...or true

 

yeah its not ebay where u have to register and have a line of credibility, its fchat where even duds like mike360not gets a vote

 

did you mean "duds" or "dudes"?

 

The hole trooth and nutin but the trooth...honest!

 

very quick peter, u need a map and compass to work it out

 

i think i worked it out.

obviously you meant dude, because you're not the type to call someone out when they're sprung telling porkies...just like me

 

never would I say a bad word about any liar............not

 

just something else we have in common.....we don't mind letting people get away with talking BS...we just sit back and watch.

 

give them a noose and they hang themselves

 

reeeeeeepooooooosssssttttttttttt.

 

hehe...sprung! bumma, beama

 

Probably reading the same stick magazine

 

Bugger! Caught with my britches down.

 

Gunna gunna gunna.
Btw, what's the trick to having an avatar when you're not subscribed?

 

Ash also had a 'free' avatar back in the day. You once could have avatars unsubscribed, till the rules changed and you had to subscribe to have one. You still got to keep what you had as an avatar though. Stephens has had that pic there for a long time now. If he trys to change it, then no more avatar until he subscribes...............if he can afford it.

 

well for those of us here for a little longer the story is that yes, pre-subscription you could have an avatar, then subscription came along and avatars were still on unsubscribed users for a while and then 3-4 months later they went thru and cleaned up sub vs non-sub users but some slipped thru.

Stephens has either slipped thru or as a previous mod certain boxes may not have been ticked andhe gets to retain avatar.

btw we use to be able to have moving avatars but that was rescinded as well, now they are talking about removing signatures with urls in them

 

4 People in a train...

4 people in the carriage of a train - an Englishman, a
pretty young blonde girl, an ugly old woman and a
Frenchman.

It all goes dark when the train goes through a tunnel.
In the dark there's the sound of an almighty slap, and
when the train emerges from the tunnel the Frenchman
is rubbing his face, and there's a huge red mark on
his cheek.

The old lady thinks "I bet that Frenchman fondled the
blonde in the dark and she slapped him"

The pretty young blonde thinks " I bet the Frenchman
tried to fondle me in the dark, got the old lady by
mistake, and she hit him"

The Frenchman thinks "I bet that Englishman fondled
the blonde in the dark, but the blonde thought it was
me and hit me"

The Englishman thinks "I hope there's another tunnel
coming up soon so I can slap that French **** again"