OK, So What Are the Pros/Benefits of Marriage?

What the hell are you waiting for? Up there it's probably a compliment!

 

Its obvious you do not have kids.


Kids are the greatest thing in the world. You do not truly know what love is until you have kids.

But once the kids come along.... that best friend and lover is suddenly a mother who is neither. You are a paycheck. Get used to it.



Terry

 

My dirty derogatory line now is either; "strung out crack whore" or "drugged up slore" < {A cross between a slut and a whore}.

You know you've "made it" when the highlight of your day is trying to squeeze in lines like

 

Sorry Terry, I've got to disagree with you here. I've got kids, and I agree with Protouring442.

Dom

 

While I don't have kids, I can see how this can happen. It is easy for both parties, but especially for the mother, to forget that rasing kids is important, but so is their marriage. After the kids move out, a husband and wife will have many years to reap what they have sewn during the child years. If they let their relationship become second or third place, they will find that they are at a loss as to who they are and how to get along. If, however, they are like my parents or my wife's parents, and have nurtured their relationship through the years, they will now enjoy their time even more. Like I said though, I can see how, with all of the joys and difficulties childeren can bring, how it is easy for either party to forget about the marriage as a romance and friendship aspects of marriage.

My wife and I have a similar difficulty when dealing with her multiple sclerosis. It would be easy to forget that we have a relationship to nurture when things are going all wierd in the MS area. i have to be careful not to get mad at her when everything seems to be "about her," and she has to be careful to remember that she needs to pay attention to me in things that are not MS related. Believe me, this can be difficult when dealing with the issues that MS can bring, but as others have pointed out, we are very lucky. From the start of our relationship, we have always wanted to talk about what things could be done to improve our relationship. Also, we both are very good at implimenting these changes, and complimenting each other for doing so.

Shiny Side Up!
Bill

 

One very small word solves most of our problems; be it a marriage, a marriage with children, racism, intolerance, love of country, a neighborhood. "we." Just, "we."

 

I have totally noticed this...and I don't like it. Kids obviously become the #1 priority, and that typically leaves almost no time for the husband and wife to spend with each other. You literally are left with 1-2 hours per day, when you are totally spent. Kids are absolutely wonderful, but they take up any and all the spare time that you have...every second...

 

"Hate" trumps "we" everyday of the "weak".

 

Yes, they do take a lot of time. Nonetheless, you can make that few hours quality time. Also, don't forget the occasional "date". Get the babysitter, mother-in-law, etc. to watch the kids, and just go out, the two of you. It doesn't even have to be at night. We've gone out a few times on an afternoon just to go grocery shopping, target, or run errands by ourselves. It's a nice getaway, and it doesn't matter where you go or what you do, as long as you are together.

I like ZINGARA 250GTL's "We" message...

Dom

 

This maybe be because I'm still young, have seen many marriages fall apart, and too many of my friends that are single parents struggle, but here's my take...

I'm always the woman with a different view on things, but I honestly don't care if I ever get married OR have kids. I care about quality of life. If I feel that I can be with someone for the rest of my life, then, and only then, will I make such a commitment. I will not get married for the sake of getting married, because my family thinks it's time, or because I've been with someone for a long time and feel as if it's required, no way. As far as kids go, same thing applies. I will not have kids unless I am happily married, financially stable, and completely ready. Too many people bring children into the world and have no business doing so. Do I want to get married and have kids someday? Absolutely, but I will not do either if I'm not ready or for ANY wrong reason, period. If neither happens, it wasn't meant for me. I will not be ashamed or feel incomplete if I don't settle down someday. I will chalk it up to not having found the right person and leave it at that.

 

Steph reflects my own girlfriend's take on the subject (luckily).

I've found that a lot of marriages are created because of social pressure- you hear it from your family (women mostly) or observe your friends doing it (men) and figure that it's the next logical progression. If you hear/see/deal with the subject on a frequent basis it has to leave an impression on you.

Another take on it is that dating generally unnerves some people and they'd like to get it over and done with as soon as possible. Putting up with someone who isn't a perfect match is worth it to them and sadly I've seen a number of people go this route. The flip side to this is that eventually they come out of their shell after so many years of misery and start making completely irrational choices to counteract the effects.. sending them into a complete tailspin.

The gist is this: Work and focus on yourself, get comfortable with being uncomfortable and let the dominoes fall where they may. A marriage is NOT a fix for what you think is wrong with your life.

 

Coincidence?

Haha.. Hi, Chris.

 

been married once...ended horribly after only 3 years (but I do have a wonderful son from that union). Now single for the past 14 years (I am 48 years young). Nearly married twice since my divorce (two three year failed relationships)...

Just free from one of those failed. I think I am choosing single over married whenever the situation comes up. I am with some here that finding a quality woman is like finding a needle in a haystack. Finding 'hotties' has been fairly easy..but boy are they high maintenance and 'hot' women play by thier own rules (as in there are none!). Too many aggressive males around the 'hot' ones. Takes a real mature woman to handle beauty in our society - anyone know one?

I am going surfing in Hawaii this winter (FOR THREE MONTHS), couldn't make that choice married...different way of life for sure.

I vote single!

 

From what I can see, the thread is into 2 pages & there hasn't been a single posting with a benefit of marriage.

Are there ANY?

Don't say house - my girlfriend & I have owned our current house together for approx 5 years & shared her house for 7 years prior to that.

Don't say kids - I have a number of friends with kids who aren't married.

So what benefit does MARRIAGE in and of itself have to offer? Only thing I can possibly see as an upside is wedding gifts...

 

Umm, read my first post in this thread. A partnership, friendship with someone you like. And, you can have sex with her too!!! You have 2 people who can work together towards each other's goals.

There have been literature reports of better health, longer lifespans, better financial success for married men, but honestly, I'm not up with the current literature, so I'd take it all with a grain of salt. If married guys are happier, that could be an explanation...

I joked about sex earlier, but I should add that it is an important part of any marriage. If you're not having sex, or enough sex, there is something wrong. I have more sex as a married guy then I ever did when I was single. I'll admit that I was never a "player" in my younger days, and that may be a part of it. Nonetheless, I remember lots of lonely nights as a single guy with just me and my hand.


Marriage is by no means easy, but then, you know what they say about the the good things in life being hard work.

However, I will admit, that for a young guy these days, there are a lot of risks. Probably due to our current culture. It's going to be tough to find someone who can work together, it does seems that most women these days are just in it for the $$. It's too bad, because when it works, it's really nice.

Dom

 

Wow, that's pretty shallow....you obviously don't see the benefits cause you're getting all the benefits of a marriage but without actually being married, that's called "playing house". (living and sleeping toghether, double income, owning a house together.....etc.....) here in TX that is a Common Law Marriage, and after a period of time you ARE legally married.

If you think marriage is about benefits, then you better stay single. It's about sacrifice and selfLESSness, listening and not always having to be heard, it's about putting someone you don't see as equal above yourself and thinking of them first and serving their needs even when you feel yours aren't getting met....as the man you lead by example and set the tone for your marriage.

You may not think those are benefits, but once you learn to live by them you'll see the benefits in your wife's face.

I hope you know what you're getting into.....looking for benefits is the wrong approach, asking yourself what you bring to the table and what you have to offer is a little smarter....

My 0.02 Josh

 

$30,000 wedding for a few gifts?

 

There's no right answer to this. If you think your life will be better being married than do it and vice versa. People like to justify whatever path they've chosen. Do anything you want as long as you're willing to pay the price.

 

Sounds like a torrid romance to me.....





Terry

 

Most likely a lot more than you realize.

 

Well - the whole POINT of this thread was to determine the benefits of marriage. From what you've posted - there simply aren't any.

After 14 years together, I think my lady and I are done "getting into" anything - we've lasted far longer than the great majority of marriages & are still going strong.

 

Hey, if you can pull this off then all the power to you. Most of the time women won't go for this as they cave into the constant, "so when are you guy's getting married?" pressure from friends. Based on where you live being married might not be any different legally except for a slight psychological, "I'm not nailed down by a piece of paper."

 

The answer will depend on your view/belief of just what a marriage is. If you believe that it is a contract, a silly piece of paper where we agree to blah, blah, blah, then there is no upside to marriage. If on the other hand you believe marriage is a covenant, a life long bond that, if entered into honestly, cannot be disolved, then it has many bennefits. It gives you a partner who will not leave your side, a person who will work on the marraiage with you untill one of you drops dead.

Both parties must agree that it's a life long kind of deal for this to work. But if you do agree, it pretty much has to work, after all there is no getting out of it! Kind of like burning your ships; you either find a way to survive, or you die. Most, find a way. One reason so many marriages fail is because they are so easy to get out of. Think about it, if you could miss a few payments and turn the car in with zero negative effect on your credit, how many mega-dollar cars would you buy, drive for a while, and turn in?

Shiny Side Up!
Bill

 

There's been many benefits of marriage posted throughout this entire thread, but I guess they are just not the ones you are looking for..... not the monitary kind

To the OP, you should be looking for ways in which you can benefit your marriage and not on how your marriage or spouse can benefit you......once that is learned and practiced, then you will see the true benefits.

As Protour says, it's in what your belief system is will determine how you view what marriage is.

 

Yet you won't list one when all I asked was for a single benefit. If I missed the "many" previously posted, I must have a different perspective and was only looking for clarity - not obfuscation.

Is ANYONE willing to answer this question directly? What IS a benefit of marriage in and of itself (that is NOT a benefit of a commited, non-married, relationship)?