This post reads like a Dear Abby. Are there no women out there? Only the Bikini Thread has gotten more attention. Ferrari might consider adding to their manual " "Buying a Ferrari may result in unwanted attention and personal conflicts". Best
Man appreciate all the info seems to be the consenses to just either lay it out to her how its going to be and or just move on....Appreciate all the feedback sometimes just want to hear confirmation from others that have possibly had an issue like this arrise before. Life is good and if this is one of the tougher situations I have to deal with I really cant complain. Thanks for all the feedback got some good laughs as well, deffinilty wont be showing her this post anytime soon could be one of those I look back on and just laugh!
Take it from a fellow 26 year old whose girlfriend broke it off after we were friends for 7 years, had a relationship with for 2.5 years, and was 2 months away from popping the question to her... our relationship ended for this exact reason. It all came down to control. She wanted me to be in her life but also wanted her life exactly how she thought was fit and she controlled and manipulated me into being the custom man made for her. In the beginning everything was cool. She was laid back didn't care what I did etc. But shortly after we became an official couple is when the process all started. The conditioning began. It was slow but steady. She was a great woman and I think she wasn't even aware that she was doing this to me but eventually everything that she didn't agree with she would degrade me and put me down and make me feel bad about myself. First it was the computer gaming. Granted I was a bit addicted to it, but it is what I did to relax instead of watching TV. Well, that had to go if I wanted to be with her so it went. Then it was my guys nights out. Once a week or once every other week I would go out with my friends to bars and have fun. Never once did I cheat or even dance or as much as say 'Hi' to another girl...but I got my earful from that and eventually my guys nights out were gone too. I went gambling maybe once every few months and would spend 100-200 dollars and she knew my dad had a gambling addiction and so she told me that I had a gambling problem too and needed to stop. After only a few months in the relationship...she wanted me to spend the night at my house or be at her house several times a week and spend all my time with her...not to the point of smothering me, but she wanted me to be with her and do her things a whole hell of a lot for only a few months into the relationship. I grew tired of this and eventually broke up with her...but she would weasel back into my life and make me feel guilty so then I was the one begging for her to come back. Weird, huh? I would buy her presents and she never liked any of them or rarely did because it wasn't what she wanted or she felt that I didn't put any thought into them. So again I'm feeling bad about that. She accused me of cheating on her because I was in a picture with a big group of people and there happened to be another girl next to me who she didn't know. I showed up half an hour late to her big Christmas party and she gave me hell for it. Granted it was an important event but she wouldn't stop yelling at me no matter how many times I said I was sorry and I told her that if she keeps yelling at me I'm leaving because it is unhealthy for her to degrade me. She told me if I leave then we are over. I leave. Don't give me ultimatums. I figure it is over so I take a new job in a different city and a few months later she contacts me and gives me crap for moving on without talking it over and accuses me of already looking for new women to date and in general makes me feel like crap. And once again she pries back into my life...and once again I am forgiving her and she twists it around to make me feel like I should have to beg her to take me back. What a manipulative *****. I was stupid, but I loved her and so I did what I had to do to get her back. We finally get back in a long distance relationship (me in Chicago and her in Kansas City)and she gets mad if she doesn't hear from me everyday or if I'm out with friends and feels like we were living separate lives etc. I could not make this woman happy no matter what. It would be great for a few months and then it would be bad again because we get into a routine and I can't give her the attention she needs cause i'm busy at work or am just living life. She eventually breaks it off for good because of some email I sent where I said I don't know if I can move back to be with her if she isn't in love with me (she claimed she couldn't be in love with someone unless they were in the same city(!) LOL). She demanded I move back to her even though she said she would move wherever I was because she loved me and couldn't imagine her life without me just a few short weekds before this. Just told me what I wanted to her and once again manipulated me. You know what big a mistake it would have been to quit my job, and move 7 hours away from my friends and family to be with this woman? She would finally have what she wanted...me all to herself with no job and no family so I would have to lean on her for everything. Bad Bad Bad. Anyways I'm moving on and am smarter now but damn did she do a number on me. Eventually it lead to her correcting me on little things. I said "I went to the store at 4:25" and she would correct me that it was actually 4:30 when I went to the store and we would argue about what time I went to the store. She would question everything I did and whenever we fought she would bring up stuff in the past that I did to upset her...and some of the things were stupid little things that were not even worth a fight over. It got to the point where I felt like everything I did was wrong and I couldn't live up to her standards and I started beating myself up over this and felt like I "wasn't good enough for her." Boy was I stupid. I think she finally ended it with me because she realized that I would never be that guy that she could completely control. She came really close but in the end she did me a favor by realizing that I couldn't be tamed completely. Her demands were unreasonable and I finally saw the light. Sorry to bore you with all the details but I typed all that to a) get it off my chest and b) show you how these things progress and get worse. It doesn't end with the Ferrari my friend. The Ferrari is just the beginning with a girl like her. She wants to control you. If she can control you to get rid of something you worked hard for and love...imagine the kind of control she will have over the little things. No more this no more that. I didn't see this build up of manipulation because it in my mind was subtle and I'm an easy going nice guy so I was the perfect sucker for her to manipulate. Don't be me, don't be that dumb naive guy. I am smarter and a better man because of this life lesson but I wish I had never had to find out or endure this. Keep the ****in Ferrari. Have fun live life. Be thankful that you have F-chat to warn you of some serious psychological problems this girlfriend of yours has due to immaturity or real issues. Make yourself happy and find someone that supports your happiness even if it means having to sacrifice some of her own time or comfort level. The right girl out there will want to be with you and love you for who you are with minimal changes. Don't let her fool you into thinking her changing you is to improve yourself. This is what my girl did. She was trying to make me a "better person" and to help me be the "man I wanted to be" when in fact she wanted this more than myself. The real deal will want you to take things out of your life that are harmful to you such as bad habits or getting rid of friends or family that take advantage of you...but they will not constantly take away things from you that are harmless and are passions of yours. RUN. Granted I am bitter and have a very biased view of things right now but damn it will not get better only worse. She wants you all to herself and the way that she envisions things. She has psychological problems. This woman wants to be MARRIED and wants to conform you to what she wants. She wants a ring. Plain and simple. That car in her mind is like another girlfriend that is taking your time and she must elminate it and will do anything to make it seem like a good idea and even easy! Marriage will be the end of you my friend. It will get worse. She will have your children, take away all your freedom until you are just a paycheck and then when you try to have a little fun once again will divorce you and take half your money and leave you as a empty shell of your former self. Go out and have fun and don't ever give in to unreasonable demands to someone that doesn't seem like she truly loves you for who you are and wants you to be happy. Be careful...sometimes these controlling women are in the perfect disguise. A disguise so good that they don't even see it themselves. The disguise is of a perfectly compatible woman that is in love deeply with you. Hope this helps and sorry for the length - but it was well worth typing all of this if it can just help one person from making the mistake of being with the wrong person. I am your future unless you act now. I hope I just saved you a few years of your life that could be spent with someone more deserving of your love and time or perhaps even a 10 year bad marriage with kids that leads to a messy divorce and some woman whose alimony payments make your Ferrari seem cheap. Again, I'm biased and bitter but there you have it. /breath of fresh air
It is a story told many times. All thngs change. We have the choice of watching or playing the game. Good luck next time around. Best
Again, I will state my case: suggesting a trip to the local strip club when you first met this chick would have weeded her out - no doubt in my mind! Ray
You are 100% right without question. Where the hell were you 2.5 years ago when I first met the chick!?
Bounty, yes, I've been there too. And also on the other side at times too, but then I catch myself doing it, because that is something someone else did to me. Thus, watch out for what happened to you so you are not behaving the same way in a future relationship. Wise words.
Lol guys can be such suckers. Unfortunately I dont think any amount of advise will help. I think the original poster will have to find out for himself. Well GL to you. I dont envy you. -Peter
Tuck up your meat curtains and get rid of her alread, LOL. Of course I'm just kiddin' about the meat curtain part.
If you really love this woman, and it sounds like you do, then the only way to save the relationship is to sell the Ferrari ASAP!!! In fact, give it away if you have to ...the damn thing is cursed!!! Since i am a nice guy i will take it off your hands....i will even pick up the car no charge!!!! But seriously, dump the B****!!!!!
Great post, and for the most part great advice and shared wisdom, given only a modicum of facts to work with. One more thought... Between DuPont Registry, E-Bay, and a few other cars-for-sale sites, there are probably about 4-500 360 Spiders for sale at any given time in the US... My guess that E-Harmony and a few other web based match sites have a few hundred thousand 22-28 yr old women ISO a 26 yr old fellow who is balanced, thoughtful, and independent. If it's time to go shopping for one or the other, why start with the perfect car, and arguably an imperfect woman, only to end up with a mediocre matched pair? Best of luck with the decision..... and please let us know how it goes.
+1, Sounds like Oprahchat... However, Drphilchat might be better as he used to drive an F car... Hammer
I'm glad I heeded the advice of many of the posters on the board, did not sell the ride but ditched the chick instead. I'm so glad I did not sell my spyder as it has provided many miles of complete smiles since the old lady is gone. Man no marriage until I'm at least 30 glad I just did not fall for the old mantage of guys just doing stupid things for a pretty woman. The freedom of being single now is ahead of me and I cant wait the oppurtunity in front of me. Thanks for the unbiased advice from the guys on the board.
this thread started in Sept 2007 and it is the first time I am seeing it. I did not read all of the posts so excuse me for asking.............do you still have the same girlfriend?
glad you dumped her, Now since your single, I ll put a mop head on and be your girlfriend, just let me drive the car on sundays. ps. No, I dont put out.
Relationships are at some level a compromise but it is wise to question anyone who would ask you to give up a dream. Best Jason
