things you probably shouldn't say to the cop

I found this in the Florida Thread, thought the guys who live in colder climates might want to see


Here's a list of things you probably shouldn't say to the cop...

1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
2. Sorry Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me - Good job!
5. Are You Andy or Barney?
6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
8. I pay your salary!
9. Gee officer! That's terrific - the last officer only gave me a warning too!
10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.
12. When the Officer says "Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with, "Gee Officer, your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"
13. I'll walk that line if you can touch your toes.

You forgot some of the sexxest ones,

14. In my town women cops drive desks
15. Glad to see you had time to pull me over after you finished your make-up
16. Are those regulation high heals?
17. Those are great hand cuff earrings
18. Nice to see they put darts in the front of your bullet proof vest
19. Do they give women officers additional drivers training to park a car
20. Are you the fashion Police?

 

When I was in high school, two of my friends got pulled over and ticketed as one was following the other down I5. They had two different dates in court, and when the second one happened, he caught himself as he was saying to the judge "well, you gave my friend, with whom I was racing, just a $65 fine, so why is mine $85?"

 

$65 and $85, this was a long time ago wan't it

 

"I'll have two hamburgers, French fries and a Coke."

 

21. (In response to cop's question: "Are you late for something?") "We will be now." - Mrs. Ducowti, softly from the backseat over my shoulder - that one got me paper.

Also, "know why I pulled you over?" - "because you're lonely?"

 

Police officer pulling over a Ferrari: "I've been waiting for you all day."

Driver: "I got here as fast as I could."

 

Cop: Do you know how fast you were going?
Driver: Beats me. Weren't you paying attention either?

I was speeding to beat the sunset. Both my headlights are burned out.

I don't need to use my signal. I turn at that corner every day.

(True, not me) Cop: Do you know why I stopped you?
Driver: Yeah, I was the only one you could catch.

'Il maiale dell'oggi e domani la pancetta'.

 

Ever been pulled over just for a look?

 

22. blow me

 

True story:

The wife was pulled over on I-84 and told the officer: And I qoute... "No I did not see you folloing me for "X" ammount of miles, why should I look in my mirror if I'm passing everyone???" I though I was going to laugh my A$$ off when she told me this, I'm sure the officer did too...after he wrote her the ticket that is!
Gotta love that one!

Cheers!

 

Toooo funny!

 

Bumper sticker:

HELLO OFFICER
JUST PUT IT ON MY TAB

 

When I was a kid I still remember being pulled over in the car with my dad.He was doing 70kph in a 60 zone.The copper began to ask him..."Do you know that this is a 60 zone and you.....but my dad didn't let the cop finish his sentence and replied"Hurry up and give me the fine I haven't got the time"He obviously still got fined but it was justified for the price of admission

 

the cop says "where's the fire?". you say, "in your eyes officer".

 

23. "PIG!!!!"

 

You're wrong officer, I was going much faster than that !

 

Good lines from the cop:

A buddy got stopped in England, and when the officer got to the window he said "good evening squadron leader - trying to exceed mach 1 are we?"

 

"What's-a behind me is NOT important!"

"Fast? You think that's fast? Clear some of these slugs outta my way, and I'll show you what fast looks like!"

Embarrassing cop lines:
British cop: "Who do you think you are? Nigel Mansell?" (To Ayrton Senna, who was stopped driving to the airport after the British GP -- which Mansell won.)

French cop: "Who do you think you are? Alain Prost?" (To ... Alain Prost)

True story: A group of us were returning to base camp on an arctic island when we got pulled over by an MP. He told us, "You looked awfully fast, but I don't have a radar." While the other guys were cracking up, I asked him, "What do you think we're building here?"

 

LT BRADSHAW
"Where's the fire Danger?"

NICK
"In your eyes, Lt. Bradshaw...".

"Los Angeles... He walks again by night. Relentlessley, ruthlessly (NICK: " I wonder where Ruth is?), Doggedly (SFX: barking dog) Out of the fog, into the smog.... (SFX: coughing). At Drucker and 4th he turns left. At 4th and Drucker he turns right. He crosses MacArthur Park and walks into a great sandstone building (SFX: bang) (NICK: "Ouch, my nose!")... " From: The Adventures of Nick Danger, 3rd Eye...

 

Ahhhh.... shades of my youth. I have to dig out those old Firesign Theater albums now. If only I still had a turntable to play them on. LOL

 

thought i was the only one old and stoned enough to remember that line. remember hemlock stomes and the yankee pig nut scam? i still do have a turntable.

 

Were all Bozo's on this bus.

 

I was pulled over one night. The cop asked me...."have you been drinking anything this evening?"

I replied. "NO. But I have an overdue library book."

Needless to say I was walking the line and touching my nose a few minutes later.

 

did you turn in the overdue library book?

 

Now THAT is a great line. He should have let you off for that one!