Once upon a time, one day long, long ago, there lived a woman who did not whine, nag or b/itch... . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . But this was a long time ago and it was just one day. The End! Ciao, M
~ In the year 2008, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in Australia, and said, 'Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans. He gave Noah the plans, saying, 'You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the Unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights.' Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no Ark. 'Noah!' He roared , 'I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?' 'Forgive me, Lord,' begged Noah, 'but things have changed. I needed a building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbours claim that I've violated the neighbourhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Shire Council for a decision. Then ERGON demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it. Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees because the Nature Conservation authorities say it will upset the balance of the local ecological system. I tried to convince them that I needed the wood to save us all from extinction - but no go! When I started gathering the animals, the RSPCA prosecuted me. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space. The traffic authorities said it would take six months after completion of the ark to plan a route to the sea. I told them also that the sea would be coming to my back yard. They threatened to have me committed. Then the DPI ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until I had arranged and conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood. I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Fair Trading group on how many 'Stolen generation' persons I'm supposed to hire for my building crew. The State Government has insisted that I provide them with a list of the people who want to work so that they can check that they are not from the non designated group. UNIONS say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience. To make matters worse, ATO seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species. So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark.' Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, 'You mean you're not going to destroy the world?' 'No,' said the Lord.... the Australian Government has beaten me to it.' Ciao, M
THE HAPPIEST FAIRY TALE EVER Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl 'Will you marry me?' The girl said, 'NO!' And the girl lived happily ever after and went shopping, dancing, drank whole bottles of wine, chatted for hours on the phone to friends, always had a clean house, watched chick flicks without feeling guilty, never had to cook, did whatever the hell she wanted, never argued, didn't get fat, didn't have to pay for dual view tv, travelled more, had a career, had many lovers, didn't save money, and had all the hot water to herself. She went to the theatre, never watched sports, owned every remote control in the house, never wore friggin lacy lingerie that went up her arse, had high self esteem, never cried or yelled, and felt and looked fabulous all the time. THE END Ciao, M
A Modern Parable. A Japanese company ( Toyota ) and an American company (Ford Motors) decided to have a canoe race on the Missouri River Both teams practiced long and hard to reach their peak performance before the race. On the big day, the Japanese won by a mile. The Americans, very discouraged and depressed, decided to investigate the reason for the crushing defeat. A management team made up of senior management was formed to investigate and recommend appropriate action. Their conclusion was the Japanese had 8 people rowing and 1 person steering, while the American team had 7 people steering and 2 people rowing. Feeling a deeper study was in order; American management hired a consulting company and paid them a large amount of money for a second opinion. They advised, of course, that too many people were steering the boat, while not enough people were rowing. Not sure of how to utilize that information, but wanting to prevent another loss to the Japanese, the rowing team's management structure was totally reorganized to 4 steering supervisors, 2 area steering superintendents and 1 assistant superintendent steering manager. They also implemented a new performance system that would give the 2 people rowing the boat greater incentive to work harder. It was called the 'Rowing Team Quality First Program,' with meetings, dinners and free pens for the rowers. There was discussion of getting new paddles, canoes and other equipment, extra vacation days for practices and bonuses. The pension program was trimmed to 'equal the competition' and some of the resultant savings were channeled into morale boosting programs and t eamwork posters. The next year the Japanese won by two miles. Humiliated, the American management laid- off one rower, halted development of a new canoe, sold all the paddles, and canceled all capital investments for new equipment. The money saved was distributed to the Senior Executives as bonuses. The next year, try as he might, the lone designated rower was unable to even finish the race (having no paddles,) so he was laid off for unacceptable performance, all canoe equipment was sold and the next year's racing team was out-sourced to India. Sadly, the End. Here's something else to think about: Ford has spent the last thirty years moving all its factories out of the US , claiming they can't make money paying American wages. TOYOTA has spent the last thirty years building more than a dozen plants inside the US . The last quarter's results: TOYOTA makes 4 billion in profits while Ford racked up 9 billion in losses. Ford folks are still scratching their heads, and collecting bonuses... IF THIS WEREN'T SO TRUE IT MIGHT BE FUNNY Ciao, M
Bit of sattire from someone I know in NZ. This one is for you Kelsa. . Don't leave for NZ. http://nz.youtube.com/watch?v=pVho5S--YLI
The federal government today announced that it is changing the coat of arms to a CONDOM because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance.. A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed! Damn, it just doesn't get more accurate than that.
Tried to post it as a Mov/Wav but its over 488.3KB in size. Not sure if u seen it before?Just got it in my inbox, must be doing the email flood. Just click on the link and watch it! http://www.zippyvideos.com/3991486437113486/eggharbortollmva_1/ OUCH! Ciao M
How can a child steal a parents car?Isnt that a oxymoron, like Phil and honest mechanic? lol Or, a hoodlum/crook/drugie type, in which case *it* is now out of the gene-pool, so that can't be a bad thing. Ciao, M
what's happened to you? you used to always comment on phil's virtues and say you'd like him back here. stealing is taking without permission....so it's quite possible, IMO at least.
Oh........... Well i read what you wrote/posted/blogged [all 38 million pages] with a open mind, & also taken into consideration your rightful anger, and how u might have distorted your side of the story, but alas i did'nt realise it was **11-MONTHS**, as in almost a year to fix a simple warranty issue, no excuse, he would have been toast with me after 1 month of excuses and bu/lls/hit.... Infact all the time/hours he wasted in replying to your posts, he could have been attending to the said warranty issue..... You were WAY to soft and patient, he saw it and played you for it.U waited far to long and did to little. VCAT would have had a field day with him..... All this does is spoil the ownership experience of a Ferrari, and burn potential customers and give the marque a bad name. Never met or seen the Phil, seems ok as a human, but obvs. needs to learn about customer service and how to keep customers, 1st law of a business really, no rocket-science to it. How he still replys to you after what he did is amazing, no shame either, or lives in a fantasy world where he is always correct [like females for instance!] Like i said, for mine he is welcome back here, he will only damage himself more by doing so though, i might be his only friend? Ciao M
Having just read MPMPMPMPMPMPMPMPMP's post (quoted in yours), I might need to take this bloke off "Ignore".
TANJEWBERRYMUDS To get the full effect, this should be read aloud. You will understand what 'tanjewberrymuds' means by the end of the conversation. This has been nominated for the best email of 2007. The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and room-service, at a hotel in Asia, which was recorded and published in the Far East Economic Review: Room Service (RS): 'Morrin. - Roon sirbees.' Guest (G): 'Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service.' RS: 'Rye..Roon sirbees..morrin! Jewish to oddor sunteen??' G: 'Uh..yes.I'd like some bacon and eggs.' RS: 'Ow July den?' G: 'What??' RS: 'Ow July den?...pryed, boyud, poochd?' G : 'Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please.' RS: 'Ow July dee baykem? Crease?' G: 'Crisp will be fine.' RS : 'Hokay. An Sahn toes?' G: 'What?' RS:'An toes. July Sahn toes?' G: 'I don't think so.' RS: 'No? Judo wan sahn toes??' G: 'I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo wan sahn toes' means.' RS: 'Toes! toes!...Why jew don juan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we bodder?' G: 'English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying 'Toast.' Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine.' RS: 'We bodder?' G: 'No...just put the bodder on the side.' RS: 'Wad! ?' G: 'I mean butter...just put it on the side.' RS: 'Copy?' G: 'Excuse me?' RS: 'Copy...tea...meel?' G: 'Yes. Coffee, please, and that's all.' RS: 'One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin w bodder on sigh and copy....rye??' G: 'Whatever you say.' RS: 'Tenjewberrymuds.' G : 'You're very welcome.' ----familiar?
