the link was to just one post. reading the rest was optional (well...so was reading the post, but you know what i mean)
Evolution of British maths teaching 1. Teaching Maths In 1970 A logger sells a truckload of timber for £100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit? 2. Teaching Maths In 1980 A logger sells a truckload of timber for £100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or £80. What is his profit? 3. Teaching Maths In 1990 A logger sells a truckload of timber for £100. His cost of production is £80. Did he make a profit? 4. Teaching Maths In 2000 A logger sells a truckload of timber for £100. His cost of production is £80 and his profit is £20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20. 5. Teaching Maths In 2008 A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands. He does this so he can make a profit of £20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes? (There are no wrong answers. ) 6. Teaching Maths 2018 أ المسجل تبيع حموله شاحنة من الخشب من اجل 100 دولار. صاحب تكلفة الانتاج من الثمن. ما هو الربح له؟
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE AND THINKING, 'SURELY I CAN'T LOOK THAT OLD!' WELL...YOU'LL LOVE THIS ONE. MY NAME IS ALICE SMITH AND I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST. I NOTICED HIS DDS DIPLOMA, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME. SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK-HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN MY HIGH SCHOOL CLASS SOME 30 -ODD YEARS AGO. COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN? UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT. THIS BALDING, GRAY-HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS WAY TOO OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE. AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED MORGAN PARK HIGH SCHOOL. 'YES. YES, I DID. I'M A MUSTANG,' HE GLEAMED WITH PRIDE. 'WHEN DID YOU GRADUATE?' I ASKED. HE ANSWERED, 'IN 1975. WHY DO YOU ASK?' 'YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!' I EXCLAIMED. HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY.THEN, THAT UGLY, OLD, BALD, WRINKLED, FAT-ASS, GRAY-HAIRED, DECREPIT, SON-OF-A-***** ASKED, 'WHAT DID YOU TEACH?'
Do we know any Pharmacists? Subject: Divorce vs Murder A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, 'I would like to buy some cyanide.' The pharmacist asked, 'Why in the world do you need cyanide?' The lady replied, 'I need it to poison my husband.' The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, 'Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!' The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife. The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, 'Well now, that's different... You didn't tell me you had a prescription....
The Bacon Tree Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert, wandering aimlessly and close to death. They are close to just lying down and waiting for the inevitable, when all of a sudden....... 'Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell? Ees bacon... I's sure of eet.' 'Si, Luis eet smells like bacon to meee.' So, with renewed strength, they struggle up the next sand dune, and there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon. There's raw bacon dripping with moisture, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon... every imaginable kind of cured pig meat. 'Pepe, Pepe, we is saved. 'Eees a bacon tree.' 'Luis, are you sure ees not a meerage? We ees in the Desert don't forget.' 'Pepe when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like bacon... ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree'. And with that... Luis Races towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres, Pepe following closely behind, when all of a sudden, a machine gun opens up and Luis is cut down in his tracks. It is clear he is mortally wounded but, true friend that he is, he manages to warn Pepe with his dying breath. 'Pepe... go back man... you was right, ees not a bacon tree.' 'Luis Luis mi amigo... what ees it? 'Pepe... ees not a bacon tree... Ees... Ees... Ees... Eees a Ham Bush!!!"
This morning I received a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend who called out-of-the-blue to see if I was still around. We lost track of time, chatting about the wild, romantic times we used to enjoy together. I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd be interested in meeting up and rekindling a little of that 'old magic.' I was flabbergasted. "I don't know if I could keep pace with you now," I said, "I'm a bit older and a bit greyer and balder than when you last saw me. Plus I don't really have the energy I used to have?." She just giggled and said she was sure I would 'rise to the challenge'. "Yeah." I said. "Just so long as you don't mind a man with a waistline that's a few inches wider these days! Not to mention my lack of muscle tone...stuff sagging, teeth the colour of latte and jowls like a Great Dane!" She laughed and told me to stop being so silly. She teased me, saying that tubby, grey-haired, older men were cute, and she was sure I would still be a great lover. Then she giggled, "I've put on a bit of weight myself!" So I told her to f**k off.
This morning I received a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend who called out-of-the-blue to see if I was still around. We lost track of time, chatting about the wild, romantic times we used to enjoy together. I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd be interested in meeting up and rekindling a little of that 'old magic.' I was flabbergasted. "I don't know if I could keep pace with you now," I said, "I'm a bit older and a bit greyer and balder than when you last saw me. Plus I don't really have the energy I used to have?." She just giggled and said she was sure I would 'rise to the challenge'. "Yeah." I said. "Just so long as you don't mind a man with a waistline that's a few inches wider these days! Not to mention my lack of muscle tone...stuff sagging, teeth the colour of latte and jowls like a Great Dane!" She laughed and told me to stop being so silly. She teased me, saying that tubby, grey-haired, older men were cute, and she was sure I would still be a great lover. Then she giggled, "I've put on a bit of weight myself!" So I told her to f**k off.
sorry if it's a repost http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=95qZtwJNjxk&eurl http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=Fds_hupE2vQ&feature=related http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=RNPxIibhcKY&feature=related hopefully this is staged!
Another from my Navy Aviation days (F4 and F14) (P) Rear cockpit radio sounds like little man beating with hammer when changing freq. (S) took hammer away from little man, checks 4.0 (P) Radar INOP in all modes (S) removed and replaced R10, checks 4.0 (that's an insult to the Radar Intercept Officer refered to as RIOs)
THE BROKEN LAWN MOWER When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. Somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the truck, the car, playing golf Always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, 'When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway.' The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
New Words for 2009 * SWAMP-DONKEY A deeply unattractive person. * TESTICULATING. Waving your arms around and talking bollocks. * BLAMESTORMING. Sitting round in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible. * SEAGULL MANAGER. A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves. * SALMON DAY. The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die. * CUBE FARM. An office filled with cubicles. * PRAIRIE DOGGING. When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on. (This also applies to applause for a promotion because there may be cake.) ******* *SINBAD. Single working girls. Single Income, No Boyfriend And Desperate. * AEROPLANE BLONDE. One who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a 'black box'. * PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE. The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again. * OH-NO SECOND. That minuscule fraction of time in which you realise that you've just made a BIG mistake (e.g. you've hit 'reply all'). * GREYHOUND. A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare. * JOHNNY-NO-STARS. A young man of substandard intelligence, the typical adolescent who works in a burger restaurant. The 'no-stars' comes from the badges displaying stars that staff at fast-food restaurants often wear to show their level of training. * MILLENNIUM DOMES. The contents of a Wonderbra, i.e. extremely impressive when viewed from the outside, but there's actually naught in there worth seeing. * MONKEY BATH. A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go: 'Oo! Oo! Oo! Aa! Aa! Aa!'. * MYSTERY BUS. The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're in the toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in. * TART FUEL. Bottled premixed spirits, regularly consumed by young women. * TRAMP STAMP Tattoo on a female * PICASSO BUM. A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like she's got 4 buttocks
Why did the Collingwood supporter cross the road? Centrelink was on the other side What's the difference between a Collingwood player and an arsonist? An arsonist wouldn't waste 25 matches. What do u say to a Collingwood supporter with a job? I'll have fries with that thanks 2 Collingwood Supporters in a car without any music, who is driving? The Policeman What do you call a 30 yr old woman in a Collingwood jumper? Nanna You know you're a Collingwood supporter when: 1. A Halloween pumpkin has more teeth than your wife does. 2. You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids. 3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws. 4. Jack Daniel's makes your list of 'most admired people.' 5. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean. 6. Someone in your family once died right after saying: 'Hey, watch this.' 7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader. 8. A ceiling fan once ruined your wife's hairdo. 9. You think the last words of Advance Australia Fair are: 'Carn the Maggies .' 10. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded, right off its wheels. 11. The market value of your car goes up and down, depending on how much petrol is in it. 12. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge. 13. One of your kids was born on a pool table. 14. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it. 15. You think 'loaded dishwasher' means your wife is drunk. 16. Your toilet paper has page numbers on it. 17. Your front verandah collapses and kills more than five dogs. What do Collingwood supporters use as protection during sex? The bus shelter If you're driving along and you see a Collingwood supporter riding a bike why shouldn't you run him over? It could be your bike. Three women with footy-fan husbands are discussing their relationships. The first says, "My husband follows the Lions and let me tell you our sex life is like one premiership after another." The second says, "My husband is a Crows man and every night is like the back-to-back victories of 1997 and '98." They then look at their friend, who hasn't yet said a thing. "What's wrong," they say as their friend starts sobbing. "Well," she says hesitantly, "my husband supports Collingwood, and all he does is sit on the end of the bed and tell me how wonderful it's going to be." Why do Collingwood fans stink? So blind people can hate them, too. What's got 100 legs and 4 teeth? The front row of the Collingwood cheer squad. What is your wife trying to tell you if she's wearing a Collingwood shirt to bed? You ain't going to score. A Collingwood supporter went down to Centrelink to claim welfare after realising she was the only one of her friends - (who were all Collingwood supporters) - who was not on benefits. "How many children do you have?" the man at Centrelink asked. "Ten," she replied. "What are their names?" "Jaidyn, Jaidyn, Jaidyn, Jaidyn, Jaidyn, Jaidyn, Jaidyn, Jaidyn, Jaidyn and Jaidyn," she replied. "They're all named Jaidyn?" he asked "What if you want them to come in from playing outside?" "Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just call 'Jaidyn,' and they all come running in." "And, if you want them to come to the table for dinner?" "I just say, 'Jaidyn, come eat your dinner'," she answered. "But what if you just want ONE of them to do something?" he asked. "Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just use their last name." How many Collingwood fans does it take to change a light bulb? Seven - one to change it, five to moan about it and make excuses and Mick Malthouse to say that if the umpire had done his job in the first place the light bulb would never have gone out What's the difference between a cactus and the Lexus Centre? A cactus has pricks on the outside A man enters a bar and orders a drink. The bar has a robot bartender. The robot serves him a perfectly prepared cocktail, and then asks him, "What's your IQ?" The man replies, "150", and the robot proceeds to make conversation about global warming, factors, quantum physics and spirituality, biomimicry, environmental interconnectedness, string theory, nano-technology, and sexual proclivities. The customer is very impressed and thinks, "This is really cool.", and decides to test the robot. He walks out of the bar, turns around, and comes back in for another drink. Again, the robot serves him the perfectly prepared drink and asks him, "What's your IQ?" "About a 100," the man responds. Immediately the robot starts talking, but this time about football, the Bathurst 1000, cricket, supermodels, favorite fast foods, guns, and the like. Really impressed, the man leaves then walks in again. "What's your IQ?" the robot asks. "Er, 50, I think." And the robot responds, very, very slowly, "So, I expect you'll be following Collingwood again this year?" What do you do for a drowning Collingwood player? Nothing. Why did Cinderella run away from the ball? Because she played for Collingwood. Billy was at school this morning and the teacher asked all the children What their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came out: fireman, policeman, salesman, etc. However, Billy was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked him about his father .. Billy responded: "My father is an exotic dancer in a gay club and takes off all his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes if the offer is really good, he'll go out with a man, rent a cheap hotel room and let them sleep with him." The teacher quickly sent the other children outside with some work and took little Billy aside to ask him if what he'd said was really true. "No" said Billy ,"He plays AFL football for the Collingwood Football Club but I was just too embarrassed to say ..." Joffa took his 8 year old son to a Pies Game. At half time, an opposition supporter called one of the Pies cheersquad a transvestite, prompting Joffa's son to ask him 'dad, what's a transvestite?', to which Joffa replied, 'Go ask your mum, he'll know'. What do you call a group of Collingwood supporters running off in the same direction? Jailbreak! What is the difference between a Pizza and a Collingwood supporter? Pizza can feed a family of four. A group of Collingwood supporters are standing on their tip toes up to their necks in water What is the problem? Not enough water. How do you know if your house has been robbed by a Collingwood supporter? Your bins are empty and your dogs pregnant. What do you call a Collingwood supporter with half a brain? Gifted.
Well, he does have a 348 - 11. The market value of your car goes up and down, depending on how much petrol is in it. "Runs and hides from the papster"
HE SAID, SHE SAID He said to me . . . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it. I said to him . . . You wear pants don't you? He said to me . .. ..... Shall we try swapping positions tonight? She said That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart! He said to me. ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you? I said to him . .....Turn sideways and look in the mirror! He said to me.. ...... Why don't women blink during foreplay? I said to him .. . They don't have time He said to me. . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? I said to him .. . We don't know; it has never happened. He said to me. . Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and Good- looking? I said to him . . . They already have boyfriends. [R/B? ] I said...What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? He said. . . A widow. He said to me . . Why are married women heavier than single women? I said to him .. . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge. Ciao, M
