How do I deal with this?

+1

 

I have learned that stepping up and asking for forgiveness at least gives me a decent feeling that I did the right thing, as true friendships are of great value. Whether of not it's accepted is another story. As far as seeking clinical help, I think that is a great idea. Though Therapists are 'expensive Friends', they can do wonders to help you look at yourself and help you to understand what other people are seeing.

 

That's a good first step as long as you are not doing it just for yourself to get that "Decent" feeling. A complete understanding the other person's position is critical, if you're really being sincere.

Therapy can always be useful but in this case, All AM should have to do is sit each person down and have a heart to heart.

 

AM bust up the problem so we can help you better.

 

Lying is not good.

At least you've began convo with your friends.

 

Agreed......And if one apologizes to somebody for something, I'm not sure it's appropriate for that person to ask of the other person for their position, as if they want to tell you, they will. It may not be today, tomorrow or next month, but if they want to, at some point they will and the recipient simply needs to be patient. Sometimes when people go through life altering - life changing situations, they may look at their past in a different light, thus giving them incentive to do their best to atone and change things for the better.

 

Personal integrity is important. Especially within a circle of close friends.
Best definition I've heard for "integrity" is:
"what you are thinking lines up with what you are saying, which also lines up with what you are doing".

It will take some time to restore their confidence in you.
Make a silent commitment to yourself to stop telling lies and "untruths", in any form, no matter how small, from this point forward.

To fix the perception of being self-centered and putting other people down, you need to "donate" more of yourself to others.
This is usually demonstrated through sympathy, empathy, and where/how you spend your time and money.

Something to try with your friends is a practice called "active listening".
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Active_listening

An ancient book in this topic area of human behavior & interaction is "How to win friends and influence people" by Dale Carnegie. The title of this book makes it sound like it is full of tricks but actually it is just the opposite - it is how to be genuine. The wisdom in this book never goes out of style.
http://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/0671723650

Good luck.

 

Austin, after hearing their criticisms and concerns do you know why you're acting this way? Has something in your life changed that has caused you to reinvent yourself?

 

You dont notice that you are lying when you tell the lie ? Come on....

 

As they always will.

You sound like your just very confused and are trying to find out who you are. Just go back to who you were before you started trying to impress people. In the end you probably won't know the newly impressed people 20 years from now, but you will still know your friends. If you keep this up you may not have either.

 

Yes, stop being ******. Nobody wants to be friends with ******.
Simon gave the best advice.
Hope it all works out, assuming you are going to stop being ******.

BT

 

Actually some helpful advice might be a good method I used when I was a teenager to stop lying.
Allow yourself the lie, but then immediately correct it verbally.
This will get you used to telling the truth, but still be comfortable acting big at the same time.
After about 2-3 months of this just tell the truth, it will be much easier by then.

BT

 

Are you in high-school? Serious question. Sounds like you have great friends who are trying to help you be a better person - be grateful for them.

Either way, grow up and stop lying. After you have stopped lying to your friends, be yourself. Usually the people worth impressing are the ones that are impressed by integrity, character, and achievement through hard work. The rest won't be around for long.

 

Impressing people by lying will only make them come to find out sooner or later that you've lied to them and they will brand you ******. Since your real friends have noticed your lying and sucking up to others have also branded you ******, it leaves you with no friends.

Impressing people by lying doesn't get anyone anywhere. No. Let me get say it right. Impressing people by lying badly doesn't get anyone anywhere.

I assume you're trying to impress others to become higher up in life and live the luxury lifestyle (just and assumption, can't see any other reason why you would otherwise). If you want to hang out with them that's fine, if you have to lie to them go ahead but if you can't lie its a game you will lose.

 

I find this part hard to believe. I don't think that you're honestly evaluating yourself.

What changed in your life that made you care so much more about impressing people? I'm not trying to dog on you at all. Just trying to help you look within yourself to figure out why you're in the current situation. You can't fix the problem until you understand the cause.

 

True

Entire careers are created by lying well ...especially out here in LaLa Land.

 

to put together an "intervention" on your behalf some evening. You might be less likely to lie to a collective group of your friends than trying to make amends one-on-one. Good luck to you. Recognizing a problem is the first step in solving it.

The Intervention show on A & E Monday nights is pretty riveting!

KevFla

 

I've just gotten sick of being someone who gets left out, and not wanted in a group. I changed my attitude, personality, etc. just to fit in

Set up your own group and own rules with like minded people. Leader of the pack so to speak. You can then be your self.

 

High school can be tough in that regard. I don't know how big your school is, but I would imagine that there are a lot of cliques. The problem with most high schools is that once you fall into a group, it's very hard to move into a different one. When you try to change your image, you wind up alienating your current friends and still being ignored by the new clique that you covet.

I know it's easy for me to tell you this, but the people you want so badly to notice you now won't matter one bit in a couple of years.

 

Sounds like you're underestimating yourself.

I'm sort of confused, were your friends leaving you out before you began lying and "changing"?

I do know what you feel like. I remember my junior year or high school my friends not returning my calls, and pretty much ignoring me for like a month or more. I quit calling and trying and spent time alone or found my own things to do. Eventually they started calling and inviting me places again. I never asked why that happened, but it's **** in the wind now.

I feel like that occasionally still today. I have my moments where it really bothers me and I think I've done something to wrong them, but when I quit focusing on one thing something else arises. I accept the time I'm "left out" and have nothing to do as me needing to regroup (within).