How do I deal with this?

If your friends where leaving you out of things before you changed, you have to ask yourself if they actually were friends in the first place?

 

Anyone you have to act differently to impress and try to get in with as a friend are probably worth being friends with anyway

 

The opposite of what he said.

BT

 

exactly.

 

I missed a very important word out in my earlier post by mistake it was supposed to say 'probably NOT worth being friends with anyway' obviously

 

What a difference one word makes.

 

Well, stay in smaller friend circles. That's how I like it regarding "best" friends, I hang out with a couple people, and while I was in high school, I still knew the popular kids in high school, since we knew each other from middle school, and classes then. I've moved plenty of times, but I actually stayed in Texas and completed middle school and high school without moving, so I grew closer to those people. Then when I started school in Arizona, it was easier to find people that had similar interests, being grouped with people of the same major and courses, and stay the same way I am, because we just knew we would be spending time together be it projects, and similar courses. Don't change who you are, if the people don't like you for what you are, then you have to ask yourself why you want to hang out with them.

 

I rarely get to be smarmy like that. No offense intended!

BT

 

None taken

 

Ok, I’ve read the whole thread. You are embarrassed by your behavior but won’t tell us what you have done. Must be lots of things (one would be overlooked). Face up to your bad behavior & apologize profusely. You must mean it or screw it.

 

Tell them the truth. You are better than them and are moving on. adios losers!

 

Daymn, you're good!

 

Well AM, I'll give you this much....at least you're aware of the problem, are concerned about it and willing to address it. Lots of people out there are entirely oblivious to their ways and then later wonder why nobody calls them, nobody invites them out, and nobody shows up at their funeral. Homes, cars, money...it all comes & goes, what really matters is how we treat people. On the whole people will generally regard you by how you make them feel about themselves: If you constantly belittle & disrepsect them, they'll probably turn on ya. They may even talk to other mutual friends about it. I'd suggest taking the advice previously mentioned...keep a smile on your face, have something nice to say and just be yourself..in that end, that's all we are anyways. You say you've changed, I say you've just taken a sour detour....so change again and find your way back.

Take a listen to this... http://www.playlist.com/searchbeta/tracks#quindon

Remember....people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will always remember how you made them feel. The most liked & respected people I know have always been those who are friendly, honest, nice and genuine. It's not about being that person, it's about striving and growing towards that. When you have less regrets about things you've done in life, that's a sign of maturity. All things considered, you're young...so don't be so hard on yourself and again, kudo's for being honest with yourself to realize and deal with the problem.

 

That is good advice, but I disagree that people will forget things said and done. I will never forget ways I've been done wrong, or the way I've made wrongs. But people will forgive, as I have, time and time again. But people rarely forget.

 

LOL...I have to agree with you. What I sited was a quote I read:

People will forget what you said
People will forget what you did...
...but people will never forget the way you made them feel

If you had to interpret that....I'd have to figure that we say and do lots of things where specific details get forgotten, but on the whole the biggest impression is how people made us feel. In other words, if someone makes you feel very hurt, stung or burned, you'll more likely be affected by that in your memory.

As example...I knew this one guy who'd call me all the time and never let me get off the phone. He scoffed at me for having to answer my business line. He did me a few favors but he never let me forget a single one of them. Everything was a mind-game, guilt-trip and more often then not I'd get off the phone and ask myself why I put-up with his bs. He constantly stroked-up his ego while second-guessing and belittling me. As a game I started belittling myself just to be submissive to what seemed like his need to be the bigger man...eventually he even asked me why I was railing on myself, but all along he never figured-out why we never invited him to our Lake house, out for dinner or much anything. Several of my friends refer to him as a psychopath and he's entirely oblvious to what a ****** he is. ANYWAYS, the moral of the story is that I can't specifically recall all the little things he said and did, but I sure know he made me feel.

In Austin's case...if his friends don't want to be around him or feel he's changed, it's perhaps more accurate that his friends don't feel the same way around him as they once did. It's what he says & does, but more overly how he makes them feel....or so the theory goes.

 

Maybe you matured and they didn't...

 

I know someone who broke out from the crowd and started a good business but he stopped because he couldn't relate to his friends anymore after he had money. Now he is broke again.

 

Unfortunately, not really.

Just be as cordial and treat her exactly the same as before. It may be the course of life and it's time to go in different directions. Years down the road you may be friends again.

One of my friends now, we were friends from kindergarden till around 6th grade. We hardly spoke until the end of sophmore high school year/junior year. Then our friendship started up again, and actually were roommates in college for 3 years. Still hang out to this day. I've actually become the middle man when he and his gf are having one of those days at each others throat. I head over there and all calms down. lol

Unfortunately it's the way of life. I don't like that I don't talk to some of my friends as often as I use to or at all. But we all grow into different interests and mindsets.

 

The great thing about growing up from late teens to 20's and beyond is that:
a) you gain perspective that the "problems" that seem so important right now, really aren't. and
b) your peer group also matures so that there is less hot & cold tension between everyone.

Most people grow out of the garbage you are experiencing. Picking out the ones who haven't will be much easier after you have more life experience. This may sound sexist, but girls in my experience are more likely to be stuck in this permanent mode of drama.

I watched my insane stepdaughter throughout HS and now( she's 21), constantly fight with her peer group (friendemies is what I have heard them called). Beware anyone that becomes your best friend overnight and then is separable from you. They ALWAYS will eventually turn on you or drive you crazy with smothering, jealous behavior. Whenever she would suddenly have a new best firend they would do everything together...for a few weeks and it usually ended with screaming matches over the phone, viscious comments on Myspace, and/or eventually one of them would **** the other's boyfriend just to be hurtful.