JOEZAFF says NO to USF1

Now that the Danica Patrick story has broken ( http://www.ferrarichat.com/forum/showthread.php?t=250815 ) , I think it is wise that I get in front of this one before F1 Pitpass and others start reporting.

I am officially announcing that I have ruled out driving in F1 next year. I have talked it over with my family, and we have decided to remain in the United States. Stories you may here, that I was never considered for F1, that I can barely get out of my own way on the local interstate, and that my glasses could substitute for for lenses on the Hubble Telescope are viscous lies designed to hide the truth.

The truth is, that after much discussion with my family, we have decided that I should retire. As my wife put it, "there is an inherent value in what you bring to the family, we simply do not know how we would function if we could not rely on you to sit on the couch watching the speed channel with your gut hanging out and your hand down your pants...how can you put a price on that?" Accordingly, it is with great regret that I formally announce that I am withdrawing from consideration.


I am similarly withdrawing myself from consideration for these positions as well:

1. Matador

2. Secretary of Defense

3. breast massager to Pamela Anderson

4. King of Tuvalu

5. Head of State to Brunei

6. President of Ferrari North America

7. Head of Photography to Playboy Magazine

8. President of the Hair Club for Men

9. Starting quarterback for the Philadelphia Eagles

10. Stand in for George Clooney.



Thank you for your interest in my career. I bid adieu.

 

This is very bad news indeed.

I had you odds on for next year in the Formula 1 tipping league. You were gonna be my dark horse for finishing last in each and every race. Now instead, I will have to let Danika Patrick take the honors, assuming she's driving there next year.

If not, I believe I'll name that Hamilton fella. He's not looking so good this year, and I don't expect he'll finish much better next year. I think he was a one trick pony, and his time (and 15 minutes of fame) are now over.

DM

 

He's quitting racing. I heard he's going to run in an open slot for the governor of Alaska.

 

I thought you had Stomperella filling that slot???

Carol

JOEZAFF you'll be missed on the grid in '10.

 

I'm from Vegas. I like to cover all bets.

 

Post of the day!!!

 

good stuff

 

Oh no!. Starting count down before Kraftwerk posts in his defence, or that your opinion is somehow ignoring all his so obvious talent ... 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 ...

Pete

 

I thought they were trying to get Joe the Plumber.

(For either USF1 *or* Governor of Alaska. )

 

LOL.. Very funny.

 

You failed to mention that you have considered Europe in the past before. Clearly you haven't really looked at all angles. Maybe you want to reconsider your decision? Especially the George Clooney stand in part, I hear they do well.

 

Gracefully bowing out as you have done moves Casey one notch toward the top.

 

JOEZAFF.......please reconsider stepping up and taking the starting QB job for the Iggles. It's too hard to bear the current situation.

 

I think the car might be a tough fit for Joe the Plumber. As governor, he'd probably have a wrench handy in the unlikely event of a pipe line leak, job duties could read DIY pipe line repair saving taxpayers great gobs of $.

JOEZAFF, any new plans looming on the horizon??? STR is in need of a test driver ....

Carol

 

Great...Just Great...

Now you tell me after I've bought "JOE ZAFF is F1 for the people" T-shirts, caps, sweat suits and even the customizable Billy-Bling model of customized running shoes complete with red, white, and blue LED lights on the bottom that shine brightly as I run in them...

Now what the heck am I gonna do with all this crap?

 

LOL... how inconsiderate tsk tsk..try Ebay..

 

Now with you and Danica out, who's going to drive for them? Wait... what's Casey Putsch doing nowadays...?

 

Good suggestion!

FOR SALE: Billy-Bling version of the EXTREMELY RARE Joe Zaff special edition shoes.

Owner has been meticulous. Non-smoker. Never seen rain. Never tracked (only used at a SLOW pace on good roads in the neighborhood). This is your chance to own a limited exclusive collector's item. Only two were ever made (and the only surviving pair since the other pair has been totalled with high wear- soles are worn through).

Years from now you will be kicking yourself if you miss this golden opportunity to own a truly rare and exotic piece of racing history. Be the envy of your neighborhood with these rare items. Look at how Enzos have appreciated to more than $1,000,000 and there were hundreds of them made. Who can predict the future value of this one-of-a-kind item?

All serious offers over $1,000,000 will be considered.

 

I am so disappointed that Joe has removed his name from contention for the US F1 team next year, that I have an announcement of my own.

I regret that I will not offer my mane for appointment to be the global economics czar for the Obama adminstration. They wanted me to submit to a voluntary tax of 85% of everything about $200K per year. On top of that, they did not want my wife to be able to perform any medical procedures on me--as it would set a bad example. I need to be in the National Healthcare system, so no private procedures by my wife.

Accordingly, I will continue in my job as a methane extraction engineer.

What's that? you ask . . . . I suck farts out of velour upholstry at the Used Car lot.

 

As long as you stay thirsty, my friend.

 

How do you get into that racket? There is just nothing on Monster.com, and my cousin needs a J-O-B.

Zaevor2000, FYI, B.E., if you can keep this on the down low, Max and I are in negotiations for me to be spokesman for next year's F1 series. However, I simply will not do it if they continue on insisting on me wearing the new driving suit Max has been developing in the photo ops (see below). Furthermore, they are being cagey as to who will own the rights to the photos and in what publications they will appear. Finally, I have no idea why they need to have a private viewing before the start of the season.

Can you do something with this to make it more...me.
Image Unavailable, Please Login

 

NEWS FLASH:

Joe Zaff turns down multi million dollar endorsement deal with Nike.

AP) Joe Zaff, once considered the top candidate to join the new USF1 Formula one team, has decided not to join the new team. In what may prove to be one of the biggest mistakes in sports history, Mr. Zaff has turned down a major anticipated endoursement from Nike estimated to be valued at the $50 Million dollars, not including XBox video game revenues and licensing rights to his image appearing on Perrier bottles in France.

A spokesman for Nike had the following:

"We are deeply disappointed that Joe Zaff will not be running in next year's USF1 Formula one team, which, we feel, has an excellent chance of being highly competitive in the always exciting world of Formula one. We were preparing our announcement following his signing which included not only a handsome monetary plan but also an autographed pair of Jordan high tops that were to be given to him by Mr. Jordan personally at the signing ceremony. Now, the search begins for a new driver, but our hearts are certainly broken by this decision."

A spokesperson for Autosport claimed off the record that Mr. Zaff simply has had enough and has nothing more to prove. Like the Governor of Alaska, Mr. Zaff will retire but still work tirelessly for the causes he believes in, whatever they may be.

Comments from other F-1 drivers have been pouring in. Fernando Alonso said "It's too bad. It would have been fun to race against him. He would have been a powerful new force in Formula one". Mark Webber added "there has been suspicion that Joe might join F-1 next year. I, for one, am glad I don't have to go up against him". Kimi Raikkonen said "Well, there goes my drinking buddy!". Louis Hamilton claimed that F1 attendance in the UK will definately be hurt by Mr. Zaff's decision. "Look, people like a showman. Joe has that quality, ya know. He's got that flash and excitement about him that people like to see. I can't see anyone that could replace him".

And, this comment from Chris Berman of ESPN: "In what must be the biggest bone head move of all time, Joe Zaff takes himself out of contention before the race even starts. What the heck was he thinking? Jeesh!"

Mr. Zaff could not be reached for comment.

 

Mark my words....he will regret this move.