OK, So What Are the Pros/Benefits of Marriage?

How committed are you? Her money/your money? Do you "split" the expenses? If you get ticked off, can you two "just walk away?"

Let me ask you this; what's the benefit of not being married, while kinda-sorta acting like you are married?

Shiny Side Up!
Bill

 

From this day forward;

A] richer
B] poorer
C] better
D] worse
E] sickness
F] health
G] love
H] cherish

I] all of the above

until death do us part

...at which point, benefits kick in, sadly, [important] save for merry widows.

 

Someone to live the rest of your life together "till death do us part" who is your best friend, lover, companion and advisor....

Hope that answers your question.

So answer me this, if you're with your S/O for so long and everything is working out great, then why aren't you guys married? After all it sounds like you're doing everything married people do anyways? I'm curious.

 

Hmmm, I will thank you for your answer - though "marriage" itself doesn't give you any of those things.

The biggest reasons we have not married?

1) Uncle Sam would ding us for approx $1200 extra each & every year in taxes.

2) Heredity gives her strong odds of contracting ALS or PLS (read 2 cousins, 2 aunts, and her father - all on the same side of the family). If we are not married, her medical coverage is her own & will not immediately force me into bankruptcy should the worst case arise. I will be there to support her, but will have a better foundation from which to do so if I can remain solvent.

 

Old Italians say that when the "lightning bolt" hits you, you will know it. Apparently, for some of you, it has not. That's OK. Swans understand it because they mate for life. My greatest personal fear is that my wife will pass on before me. I would suppose, regardless of a certificate, I really am married.

 

Has anyone mentioned these benefits?:

-$500,000 tax break on capital gains
-Sharing a company health coverage plan (even if it costs $16/mo. more, it's still cheaper than 2 separate policies)

And if you are worried about losing your wealth if your spouse wants a divorce, then sign a pre-nuptual agreement, don't have joint accounts, and don't have community or joint property.

 

I've spent some time thinking about your original question and tried to come up with an answer for you.

To use a poker analogy, in marriage without a pre-nup, you're "all in".
That is, both sides put all their poker chips into this "one life-long hand" and hope for the best.
There is a level of commitment and a basis for expectation that comes with that, from both sides.
You are two separate people trying to make it through life as one entity. One legal, social, and spiritual entity.
If it works, it is the best ever.

The best marriages are those where the two people involved can selflessly give to each other the key things that are important to one another. If you analyze people long enough, you will discover that we each carry with us some life-long emotional baggage. That is, we hunger for something that we were deprived of when we were young. Out of a 100 possible things that should make you feel good, there are only one or two things that make you feel like "you are basking in warm sunshine". You'll discover that the best life-long couplings are those that can provide these emotional synergies. They just happen to line up in a fashion of mutual respect, compatibility, and contentment. Some say this is "finding your soul mate".

My wife of 26 years is my best friend. The person I can completely trust. The person that naturally appreciates what I have to offer. That is the priceless upside/benefit I think you are looking for as an answer to your post.

 

I believe the quote is from Rodney Dangerfield.

 

Most of those books out there, apply a logical and rational explanation for relationship issues and provide logical and rational action items for the reader to take to solve their issues. The problem is that we are more "animal" than we realize.

Disclaimer: the following are generalizations but it isn't stuff I just made up. I read quite a bit about sociology, evolutionary biology, and neuroscience.

Women and men have biological tendencies built into us over thousands of years of genetic development. Women want a caretaker and a provider and men are tuned to look for sexual health (youth, beauty, bikini threads, etc.). After a women "lands" a man and especially after she has a child, her sex drive tends to drop. Her body produces hormones that helps turn her into "mother" mode. Men are programmed to keep going since sex isn't as biologically "expensive" (no child to carry for 9 nine months). So in most cases, it isn't the men changing their sexual behavior, it's the women. Men are getting the short end of the deal here. It's not respect, kindness, etc. etc. It's biology.

Take midlife crisis, for example. Midlife crisis is not about the male entering his midlife.. it's about this mate entering their midlife. A women in their midlife stage is no longer reproductively viable. This makes the male sexually unnecessary. So the male goes out and buys a Ferrari (or a Vette) so that he's more attractive to reproductively viable women (young women) so he feels better about himself. It doesn't mean he's going to go out and sleep with them but he'll definitely feel better knowing he has a better chance of doing so. A 50 year old man who has a 25 year old wife will not go through a midlife crisis.

Marriage is a social invention that helps to create and keep families which, in the long run, is much better for society. It requires men to sacrifice their built-in sexual desires for the sake of a more stable family unit.

As far as kids go. Our brains are programmed to love our children and the REMEMBER that we enjoy and love our children even if that's not what we might really experience. The book, Stumbling on Happiness, goes deep into the topic of how our brains "create" memories rather than record them. When couples are asked to rate their level of happiness on an ongoing basis (ie: not drawing from memory but recording how they feel "right now"), they consistently rate their time before their children were born and after their children have left the home as the happiest times of their lives. When asked to recall their level of happiness (rely on memory), they tend to remember the opposite. Again, these are generalizations, I'm not saying that everyone is secretly unhappy over the stress of raising kids.

So, with that said. Marriage is good if you find the right person. If the person you're with doesn't take great happiness in making you happy then they're more likely to drop whatever effort they are putting in pre-marriage. You can tell if a girl is just naturally giving. If the person you are with is always worried about "give and take" then you'll end up with the short end of the stick because "giving" sexually will become harder for them later in life. Look for deep personality tendencies because these will stick around for life. Any conscious effort to be the good wife or girlfriend will disappear when there is no reward for putting in this effort. I truly feel that in many cases, women have greater control over whether or not the relationship works than the man does. I don't know any man who wouldn't start treating their women like princesses if their woman went above and beyond in bed.

My 2 cents.

 

Marriage is socially acceptable.

When a guy passes 40 and has never been married many people consider him to be more than a little weird.

Some will shrug and say that they do not care what others think, but your family, boss, and friends will all believe you to be at least a little strange and treat you accordingly.

 

I wanted to bump this thread in light of the sex-marriage thread.

To expand on the topic of kids and marriage, do you feel that you "need" to be married in order to raise good kids?

 

I don't think this holds water anymore....people are waiting longer-and-longer to marry. It won't be long before many folks flat-out abandon all hope and just stay single. Ever notice that, Nationally, more and more Americans are becoming Obese, while marriage is falling further-and-further out of favor? Self-Indulgence links the two, and I don't see it going away in our culture anytime soon.

 

Thats me !

I find it amazing that so many people meet someone they believe they want to spend the rest of their life with at such a young age.

 

Boy do I hear you on that!

Statistically, I continuously marvel on my good fortune in meeting my wife. Nobody who ever met any of my exs would have ever believed I would marry such a wonderful girl. Seriously, I attract crazy like a Lambo owner attracts strippers

I can imagine that had I married my last girlfriend, to whom I was engaged, I would have a far different view on marriage, but despite a long engagement, something told me not to pull the trigger...and WOW it was a good thing I didn't.

As it stands, I thank G&d every day for bringing my wife into my life and for giving me such a wonderful family. I love being married, I love being my wife's husband and my daughter's father and I take pride in making a life long commitment to my family...and no I am not a newlywed, so these are not rose colored glasses.

For me the benefits of marriage are not quantifiable...its almost one of those things, where if you have to ask, you are probably not with the right woman...at least that was my experience...

 

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Didn't work out for me, that's for DAMN sure. The second time, at 44, seems to be
working out much better.

 

Unlimited Maritial Deduction.

 

No one has yet to answer my question.... "What does "marriage" bring to a relationship?"

 

People who were recently mere acquaintances or complete strangers are now relatives.

 

Eeeeeeeeennnkkkkk!!!!

That is a result!

Sorry folks, next guess!!

 

Does age play a role? Not to go down the idea of a trophy wife, but can may-december relationships work?

 

reading a thread on f-chat about the pros/benefits of marriage while the wife is finishing up my paperwork for the day. Thats one I can think of right now. I know there is more.

 

When were you admitted?

 

Well we met when she was 18 andI was 32. We got married in 2006, so 3 years ago. benn together now for quite some time. Smooth ride so far. one daughter 15 months old.