The Official FChat US GPE Thread

Here we go, first post for OUR team, the FChat-US-General Purpose Enjoyment team.

Feel free to release all information about us as it becomes available. All waffle and b.s. included in order to confuse our fanbase.

Several vacancies, apply here, guaranteed lowest pay anywhere plus free tea and sandwiches when available. previous experience or inside knowledge WILL be considered and probably count against you.

sponsorship and drivers to be announced soon.

Thank you, Brian.S., Trackside Team Manager.

 

11-16-09 Mercedes announce that they want NOTHING to do with FChat-US-GPE.

A spokesman who wished to remain anonomous due to his link with one of Maxxx video girls, announced that secret talks had failed and MeB would take their 23 DM and spend it elsewhere.

Carol, official TX representative for FChat-US-GPE was heard to say that the ToyMotor 1657 Yen offer was still available.

 

Hey man, I'm going to Vegas with these babes. If you need any photo work in my absence just cut something out of a magazine. I would appreciate you applying these missing days to my sick leave?
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Hope you got worker's comp

As of November 16, 2009, there have been no reported cases of industrial espionage with regards to USGPE. Team principals credit their team principles, along with a spiffy closed-circuit system constantly monitoring their as-yet unvisited parking lot for the lack of theft and general skullduggery.

 

That's because, being the clever sods that we are, we haven't told ANYBODY where they could find us.

we do got some worker's compost, is that close?

 

USF1 announce drivers: Casey Putsch and Rob Lay

 

The truckie and hospitality crew just called to say they're lost......
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Windsor announces the car will debut Feb.29th, 2010 and maintains, " the car will be as American as baseball, apple pie and Chevrolet".
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Sir Frank Williams announced today that he will protest the entry of the US GPE team on general principles.

 

Principals ?
You must be thinkin of some other team.

 

Casey Putch announces a letter of intent to sign for us when he brings his sponsorship, $42 cash and a packet of gum drops.

Team principles state that they would need to taste the gum drops first and they would show the soapbox derby simulation to him.

 

Actually..... I only chew Beemans Gum.

 

Goldman Sachs has deferred all compensation for the team and has now accepted TARP funds on behalf of the team and will manage all sales of default swaps as the team goes down in flames, financially, with the approval of the board, but only prior to TARP funds being repaid early, and all drivers contracts voided.

I think that covers the complex finance end of it

 

Good, I thought we would have to break into our piggy bank!

We are on official holiday recess. Full production will start about 5 minutes prior to the FIA launch, plenty of time. Excess eating and drinking is mandatory training to get in shape for next season for anyone reading this.

All e-mails and other contact will be totally disregarded in keeping with new team tradition.

Any design changes should be carefully attached to the fridge door in the break room.

 

OK back from our winter break.

Been a delay in our funding so we haven't been able to procure the engine drawings from Briggs and Stratton, but don't worry, my (piggy) bank will cover it.

I hear from Carol that the sackloads of applicants for team member positions went astray and was delivered to Santa Clause, or was it Default Clause? Good job we can't meet payroll anyway.

Progress has been fantastic though and we have applied to the Height Challenged One to miss the first three seasons because we are having newer stronger carbon fibre developed. detailed drawings are being produced as they come available via picture mail from Spain.

The decision to move all aspects of the programme to Hawaii has met strong approval from all 3 fans.

B.

 

HAHA I actually remember this thread....scary.

 

1_can_dream; is doing just that. This posing as an insider clearly will affect the public's perception of our team. As the TRUE driver tallent agent for OUR beloved FChat US GPE effort, I can reveal that following a spat with other disgruntled employees, I headed out to Fasttimes Karting center in search of a true US born driver. I did find a guy who had his own helmet, I mean he did not even have to use one of Fasttimes' rental helmets, how cool is that!?! It looked like a motorcycle dirt bike helmet, but is was red, white and had a PBR sticker on it so it was pretty patriotic and brought a little tear to my eye. Needless to say, I was ready to sign him up when I saw him pull a wad of cash out to pay the kart rental girl for his 11 minutes of lapping time. I have not seen such a wad of singles since the time we went to.... nevermind, that's a different story. I figured he must be pretty well funded, maybe from the PBR sponsorship. It was pretty obvious from his physique that he strongly endorses the company. Anyway, I managed to contain my ambition until I got to see the guy run. WOW was he an animal. After crashing this 12 y.o. kid into the rubber strip bumper rail, he flipped him off and tore out after the now 3rd place kart. "This guy is my new Tont Stewart" I thought.
Following the session, I approached him as he further advanced his bad boy image by bumping the back of the 6th place kart in the pits as they came in.
Long story short, there is some work I need to do with his corrections officer in order to get our new driver to be able to travel out of the country, but with 65 days to go I think we can make it happen, and in the mean time, we'll keep testing in karts until Brian Stewart gets the tub modified for our XXL driver.
How is the B.S. engine coming along Brian?

 

Did you not get the memo? If you need a copy of the memo, I can get you another copy.

To those who missed it (Brian), we HAVE decided to be a US team. This included the immediate transition from words like tyre to tire, and programme to progrum. Or wait,,, maybe that's prograam, progra... hang on, I'll check the memo.

 

Bill, the BS produces clouds of hot air like you wouldn't believe.

had some guy, Tony something or other drop by looking for work, he has excellent credentials with open wheel racing, he was involved even before it went belly up over here, knows how to spend huge quantities off money too. What was his name..........

The design team are poring over the toast in Denny's trying to find their secret production technique .

 

Elly Mae continues to be a bright spot around the team headquarters since uncle Jed arrived with the staff last Tuesday. Since then, I've notice a few crew members also sporting rope belts. This team is really starting to gel.

 

Lucky dog! Just give me Danica!

 

Hahaha! Best laugh I've had all day!

 

True vintage...

 

I really thought FCUSGPE would have much more interest in it by now what with the BS engine development info leak. I mean press release.

Maybe a pic Brian of some top secret race parts that show the industry leading capabilities of the team would expand our fan base and stick a push rod in the eye of the critics and naysayers.

 

Well the front carbon thingamajig is here, oh, and one of the new conrods, the other is on the way.....
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