Giving A Kidney? What a Position to be in...

(post script)

Who said I pay taxes? You mean YOUR taxes would take care of everything.



Mike

 

I claim a loss ever year (that I file).

 

Lol, you cheeky chop.

 

(responding PAP style)

 

As a parent, I would never put my kids in the situation you're in - to ask for a donation or imply that it should be done.

Where is your mother's concern for your health?

I'm sorry to hear you're in this position, and sorry for your brother's health, but in the end, please don't make a decision just because you feel its your duty. There are more people counting on you than just your sibling.

 

My friend went through this process with his father. His dad had some kidney disease and my friend was a potential match to be a donor. Very extensive testing process to ensure an exact match. His father died before any transplant could take place. The actual transplant procedure is more dangerous for the donor than the recipient, so this isn't an easy procedure for anyone involved.

Age 54 with kidney stones? Probably not going to qualify or pass the other tests involved.

 

Mike.

Nothing is simple.

Let me further muddy the waters.

What if the roles were reversed. What if YOU needed a kidney and your brother was a good match?

Tough call, I understand, but we're talking about a human life here. This ain't your neighbor's dog that needs a kidney, it's a human being, a member of your family, the other son of your mom and dad. You know, your brother.

I have two sisters, both pains in my ass, both mooched off my mom until I finally took the checkbook away maybe a year before she died, but if I was a match, I'd give up a kidney for either of them.

Damn tough position to be in, but good for you to think it through now, when there's no pressure.

Might not hurt to call the doc who helped with the kidney stones and as if you're donor eligible, too.

Dave

 

They recently had an "unfortunate patient outcome" in a sibling donation.

That's hospital speak for "the donor died on the table".....

HTH

 

It's difficult for me to interject my opinion here because my brother and I are very close. If it were me, I would hands down give my brother a kidney. I wouldn't need to think about it.

I feel like your situation is a little more precarious due to the fickle relationship you have with your brother.

What do you feel is the right thing to do?

 

Something about the whole scenario does not 'ring true" to me...they do NOT transplant healthy kidneys into cancer victims....very poor survival prognosis.....the cancer has already likely metasized wether detectable or not.

 

If you were not related to the man, what would your choice be?

Analyze what that answer is, and that will give you a clue.

 

That is a tough situation, Mike.

If you were close, then it would be a no-brainer....however, he is still your brother.

 

Thanks to everyone for your input...

Alan, I don't have the details yet. All I know is it is cancer, and that both kidneys will, apparently, need to be removed.

I don't know if I'm eligible, or if I'm a match... so there's much more to come.

It is an interesting situation, to say the least... Valid advice from both ends of the spectrum, that's for sure.

Mike

 

If your mom sent you the message, I assume she is close to your brother.

As a parent, I would be the first in line before teeing up my kids. Perhaps she isn't healthy and there is obviously info I don't know, so maybe she can't.

In that case, what about dad?

Anyway, I wouldn't consider asking one of my kids to donate to their siblings as it puts them in an impossible position. Again, your mom hasn't explicitly asked so eall of this is premature.

Good luck, Mike. Tough spot regardless.

 

Nope, I have to disagree with this one.

the rules ARE different for family. Fact of life, at least for everyone I know.

You can't make this decision in the vacuum of, "Well ,what if he wasn't family?"

Simply because he is.

It's a variable that can't be ignored.



D

 

Well, I can't help you in regards to your decision on whether or not to go through with it... that's obviously something only you can decide...

However, if you would like any information regarding the matching criteria and what happens in the body during transplantation, I would be happy to give you some biological explanations...


All the best.

Robert

 

Link please.

Live donor is the SAFEST operation done without exception. An "adverse outcome" would be news worthy.

 

I didn't say ignore it. I said, start the analysis there. That gives a clue as to the gut feeling. -Then- you factor in the family stuff and see if it complements or overrides that initial impulse.

 

Mike, I feel for you... I may at one point of my life be on the recieving end of this equation. Years ago I had a catscan, and my kidneys didn't like the dye. There is some minor premature wear and tear. So far so good, but they aint at a 100%...

I often thought about the "what ifs." What if I need a kidney (hopefully never will)...then what?

Is it fair to ask a sibling? A percentage of people do die while donating...and siblings often have kids and family obligations too...

Would you ask your wife...what if they aren't a match? What if they die?

I know a parent would willingly do this for a child...but they often arent suitable candidates.

Would you ask a grown child? I can't even imagine that...I would feel like I was "robbing" my child...

This is why most folks wait for cadaver donors...many times the transplant is MORE successful if not from a related relative.

And keep in mind, your brother can live on dialysis for 20 plus years. So, its not really life and death. There is plenty of time.

I would love to think that if a family member needed a body part I would jump in and donate it, but life isn't so simple. If the person needed a bone marrow donation, no problem. But if you need a kidney/liver/etc, you need to take your obligation to your wife and kids into mind also...

But keep in mind, you can live an entirely normal life with one kidney. Heck, you can do it with 1/2 of 1 kidney...

Bo

 

Transplant patients live 8 years longer than dialysis patients on average.

 

Really? Have not heard that before. Proffesors in med school used to quote a 05-1% serious complication/fatality rate for kidney donors. I do suppose this depends most on the underlying health of the donor. No surgery is foolproof, its all relative.

 

For me it would depend on which brother.

Just kidding, I have a good relationship with both of my brothers. I'd definitely do it, and then I'd milk it for all it's worth down the road.

"Wanna buy me lunch today?"
"No"
"Remember that kidney I gave you?"

Free lunches for life!!

 

William,

Mom is really the only family member close to my brother. She's in her 80s, and between stents in the veins (or arteries, or whatever) to her heart, knee and foot surgeries, and just getting old, she probably isn't a good prospect.

Our father died in 1997.

We have one other brother, but he has completely distanced himself from my mother and brother for nearly 20 years now. He and I talk occasionally, and I can tell you, his response, if asked, would simply be "Hell, no!"

Thanks for the luck... this is a sucky situation to be in.

Mike

 

Thanks for that Robert... I appreciate it...

And if you need anything translated from English to Arabic or vice versa, let me know...



Mike

 

Bo,

That is something to think about... I do have 'other' obligations; to my wife, to my children, to my grandchildren (if and when they come about)... and, quite frankly, to the 79 employees of the company I run (and their families)....

It's a lot to consider.

Mike