Giving A Kidney? What a Position to be in...

IF your point is, "Would you do it at all?" then I guess maybe you're right.

If there is no circumstance where he'd get the surgery done then sure, that's valid.

But, replace "brother" with "child" or "wife" and I'm sure we'd know the outcome. I think I'm suggesting that it's too big a part of the decision to back burner or eliminate.

IF the guy was a stranger, then you have a completely different set of rules to apply.

D

 

When I was a kid I remember my mom and I got on this topic somehow... I think her comment was "I would offer to donate even if you needed a heart transplant..." Didn't think much of the comment. Thought she was being cute.

The significance of this doesn't make sense until you are older and have kids...

 

My previous/ex? mother in-law (or... out-law - my ex and I were never legally married, but were together for 13 years) donated a kidney to a complete stranger. I can't imagine denying something like that to a blood relative unless there was a serious known problem beyond the normal risks.

I would certainly donate if it would save the life of a relative or friend.

 

Sorry to hear that you are in this situation. I hope the best for you, your brother, and your family as they come to terms with everything thats going on.




PDG

 

I wouldn't hesitate for a second to give my own brother a kidney. However, my relationship with him doesn't seem to be the same type of relationship you have with your brother. Also, I don't have a family to support like you do. So I can't say what I'd do in your position.

 

Dave,

I love your sense of humor...!



Mike

 

David,

My wife and (obviously, I guess) have been discussing this off and on all day, and most of the evening (except for the three hours we took out of the evening for a band rehearsal).

In some ways, strangely, I would be more comfortable giving a kidney to a stranger... I can't explain it. But, there it is.

Dave M's point is well-taken. Family is family. Period.

After thinking about it, discussing it with my wife, and thinking about it some more, I'm not 100% comfortable with it, but at the end of the day, if he needs it, he'll get it.

With family, I'm not sure there's any other option.

Mike

 

Offer to pay for your brother to go to China or Pakistan and buy a kidney. One more thing to think about is who is going to pay for the anti rejection medication once he has the new kidney. Its very expensive.

I would think if you have had stones in the past your not going to be a good candidate as a donor.

 

I would shoot him myself!







j/k

giving him a new kidney MAY change him, who knows?

I am just glad I am not in that situation and hopefully never will be. *touch wood*

Good luck to your brother.

 

Convicted felons can't get a passport.

Mike

 

Thanks, Brian...

'touch wood'

Mike

 

Off topic - but that's not true.

In fact, my BIL, a felon, has a passport.

 

+1

My father who was convicted of a felon years ago, has a passport.

 

I stand corrected... I was always, for some reason, under the impression that convicted felons lost passport privileges, the right to own a weapon, and their right to vote...

You DO learn something new every day!

Thanks, guys!

Mike

 

You just described my (also two year younger) brother to a tee! Uncanny!!

 

And... you're name is Mike, my name is Mike....

hmmm....

You're younger brother isn't named "Scott" is he?

Or, does he go by the name of "Hawk", like my brother does?



Mike

 

It WAS newsworthy, I don't get the Trade Journals!!
It was up in Colorado maybe six months ago?

The healthy brother died, if not during the procedure then from infection/complications afterwards...

Found it.....Chad and Ryan Arnold
Castle Rock, Colorado

 

I suppose it really comes down to the relationship you have with your brother. I guess you should ask yourself how you'd feel if you didn't do it and he was unable to find another donor.

If it were my brother, I'd do it in a heartbeat. I know he'd do it for me, no questions asked. He's also a very good person and has two of the best kids and an awesome wife, so the thought of his life being at risk when all of them rely on him would be enough for me even if he wasn't the best big brother ever.

 

Quite a decision to make. Being one that was diagnosed with kidney disease and doing dialysis, I know what your brother is facing.
I also know that the experience was enough to change my outlook on life. Not that I was anything like your brother, but it certainly
made me appreciate life more. I was fortunate. I was part of the less than 1% that had my kidneys recover.

As a survivor of kidney disease and a former board member of the National Kidney Foundation, I hope that you take the decision
seriously, but I can certainly understand your hesitance.

 

Mike,

Couldn't a suitable donor have an "accident" near a hospital that can harvest a kidney?


This is a tough situation to be in. I am close to my brother so I would do it in an instant. But for someone whom I don't respect and don't agree with their life choices and basically disagree with everything about them to the core? That's much more difficult. If they would die without it, I am sure I would do it. But if they would only experience slightly higher chances of living longer than by being on dialysis... I'd have to think about it a lot more thoroughly.

If your brother has cancer, is kidney removal going to cure this, or just extend his life but it'll get him eventually? And if just extend his life, by a significant amount or just slightly?

And this may sound cold, but if he killed or raped anyone, I would tell him karmas a you-know-what.

You do have to think about other obligations too... what if YOUR kid needed a kidney in the future - now you're down to one and you'd have to off yourself to do it Or what if your wife needed one.

At the end of the day, if I was a person of sufficient means, I would probably try to buy a kidney. Yeah, I know, I'm a terrible person... but if it was someone of adequate means who was making the decision purely for material gratification, I would have no problem paying them for a kidney. Never from someone scraping by who would do it because they had to... but a middle-aged guy who didn't give a crap and wanted to trade a kidney for a new Benz? I'd do it in a heartbeat.

Very tough situation to be in.. I'm probably all talk and in the end would give up the kidney without hassle... but really, not if he murdered or raped - then he's on his own.

 

You cannot 'buy' organs although despite heavy interviews they sometimes catch people trying..

Houston Press ran an article about it, the guy was paying big bucks to the donor (an employee) and it was uncovered....

It blows open a whole ethical arguement about the "rich exploiting the poor"...

 

Well, my brother had one of his kidneys removed yesterday at a hospital in Bartlesville, OK. This is the email my mother sent out to the family:

****

Hello everyone....

Just got home from Bartlesville. Scott is doing well. They are keeping his pain level under control. His color is good. He's hungry as a wolf, however. Still can't have anything but ice....since Tuesday at midnight.

His incision is quite large - extends from one side of his stomach to the other. The doctor sorta apologized for the enormity of it, explaining that he had to be able to examine all areas to see if there was anything else amiss. Apparently there was not.

He did remove a "very nasty" mass - or tumor - which had totally engulfed his right kidney. He described it (with his hands) a shade less than the size of a soccer ball.

Still expects to be hospitalized until possibly Saturday or Sunday.

He is satisfied with the hospital and the care he is getting.

That's all for now. I will go back tomorrow and spend the day.

Again, thanks for your thoughts, concern and prayers. Greatly appreciated.

****

Mike

 

Is it being removed in anticipation of a new one?? Or just because of the mass at this point?




PDG

 

Patrick,

I think because of the mass... although, all I really know is in the email above.

Mike

 

Mike,
Just came upon this thread. Very sorry to hear about your brother.

SRT Mike seems to have the approach I would take (how did he get as smart as me?) However, I would donate in the end if that was the only option remaining.

Thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.