Aussie joke thread | Page 64 | FerrariChat

Aussie joke thread

Discussion in 'Australia' started by stephens, Oct 17, 2005.

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  1. Aircon

    Aircon Ten Time F1 World Champ BANNED

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    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 7, 2017
    Aircon, Apr 12, 2012
    #1576
  2. Aircon

    Aircon Ten Time F1 World Champ BANNED

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    Aircon, Apr 13, 2012
    #1577
  3. FazzerPorscheman

    FazzerPorscheman F1 World Champ

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    This has been around for quite some time, and I saw it again today. If you haven't seen this before I think you may find it interesting.


    Lincoln and Kennedy.

    Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in l846.
    John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in l946.

    Abraham Lincoln was elected President in l860.
    John F. Kennedy was elected President in l960.

    The names Lincoln and Kennedy each contain seven letters.

    Both were particularly concerned with Civil Rights.

    Both had wives that lost children while occupying the White House.

    Both Presidents were shot in the head.

    Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy.
    Kennedy's secretary was named Lincoln.

    Both were assassinated by Southerners.

    Both were succeeded by Southerners.

    Both successors were named Johnson.

    Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
    Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in l908.

    John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.
    Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.

    Both assassins were known by the their three names.

    Both names are comprised of fifteen letters.

    Lincoln was shot at the theater named "Kennedy"
    Kennedy was shot in a car called "Lincoln".

    Booth ran from the theater and was caught in a warehouse.
    Oswald ran from a warehouse and was caught in a theater.

    Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.


    Cue Twilight Music
     
    Last edited: Apr 14, 2012
    FazzerPorscheman, Apr 14, 2012
    #1578
  4. Horse

    Horse Three Time F1 World Champ Owner Silver Subscribed

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    Seems pretty normal to me.
     
    Horse, Apr 14, 2012
    #1579
  5. Aircon

    Aircon Ten Time F1 World Champ BANNED

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    yep...+1
     
    Aircon, Apr 14, 2012
    #1580
  6. FazzerPorscheman

    FazzerPorscheman F1 World Champ

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    It probably does to a Talking Horse. :)
     
    FazzerPorscheman, Apr 14, 2012
    #1581
  7. FazzerPorscheman

    FazzerPorscheman F1 World Champ

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    Two Aliens landed in the Queensland desert near an abandoned petrol station.

    They approached one of the petrol pumps, and one of the Aliens addressed it, "Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your Leader."

    The petrol pump, of course, didn't respond.

    The Alien repeated the greeting.

    Again, there was no response.

    The Alien, annoyed by the petrol pump's attitude, drew his Ray Gun, and said impatiently, "Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. How dare you ignore us in this way! Take us to your Leader, or I'll fire!"

    The other Alien shouted to his comrade "No, you don't want to make him mad!" But before he finished his warning, the first Alien fired.

    There was a huge explosion that blew both of them 200 meters into the desert, where they landed in a heap.

    When they finally regained consciousness, the one who had fired turned to the other one and said, "What a ferocious creature. It near killed us! How did you know it was so dangerous?"

    The other Alien answered, "If there's one thing I've learned during my travels through the galaxy.......any guy who can wrap his dick around himself twice and then stick it in his own ear, is someone you shouldn't mess with!"
     
    FazzerPorscheman, Apr 14, 2012
    #1582
  8. SPEEDCORE

    SPEEDCORE Four Time F1 World Champ

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    Ohh, that's why this country is ****ed.
























    :D
     
    SPEEDCORE, Apr 14, 2012
    #1583
  9. Aircon

    Aircon Ten Time F1 World Champ BANNED

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    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 7, 2017
    Aircon, Apr 15, 2012
    #1584
  10. jmillard308

    jmillard308 F1 Veteran Owner

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    There was a man who lost one of his arms in an accident. He became very depressed because he loved to play Golf .

    One day in his despair, he decided to commit suicide. He got on an elevator and went to the top of a building to jump off.

    He was standing on the ledge looking down and saw this man skipping along, whooping and kicking up his heels.

    He looked closer and saw that this man didn't have any arms at all.

    He started thinking, what am I doing up here feeling sorry for myself, I still have one good arm to do things with. There goes a man with no arms skipping down the sidewalk so happy, and going on with his life.

    He hurried down and caught up with the man with no arms. He told him how glad he was to see him because he lost one of his arms and felt useless and was going to kill himself. He thanked him again for saving his life and said he knew he could make it with one arm if that guy could go on with no arms.

    The man with no arms began dancing and whooping and kicking up his heels again. He asked, 'Why are you so happy anyway?'

    He said, “I'm NOT happy. My balls itch.”
     
    jmillard308, Apr 16, 2012
    #1585
  11. Aircon

    Aircon Ten Time F1 World Champ BANNED

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    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 7, 2017
    Aircon, Apr 16, 2012
    #1586
  12. Aircon

    Aircon Ten Time F1 World Champ BANNED

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    Aircon, Apr 16, 2012
    #1587
  13. Aircon

    Aircon Ten Time F1 World Champ BANNED

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    what happened to the poor guy over the last few months?
     
    Aircon, Apr 16, 2012
    #1588
  14. FazzerPorscheman

    FazzerPorscheman F1 World Champ

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    RSA. :)
     
    FazzerPorscheman, Apr 16, 2012
    #1589
  15. Aircon

    Aircon Ten Time F1 World Champ BANNED

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    Aircon, Apr 17, 2012
    #1590
  16. 360C

    360C F1 World Champ Lifetime Rossa Owner

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    That's Carl's viagra pill box. I think Brettski got lucky that night :)
     
    360C, Apr 17, 2012
    #1591
  17. IanB

    IanB F1 World Champ Owner

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    Feedback from some of my friends who work there is that they have missed all their targets, including only getting 10% subscription takeup of the houses the fibre passes.

    It will be a commercial disaster and will never recover the outrageous cost. Another Rudd/Gillard folly, that we'll all end up paying for.

    Btw largest user of bandwidth in the US is streaming movies. Far from an "e-economy", the NBN will serve movies to morons.
     
    IanB, Apr 17, 2012
    #1592
  18. Horse

    Horse Three Time F1 World Champ Owner Silver Subscribed

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    Lol

    When can we get rid of them?
     
    Horse, Apr 17, 2012
    #1593
  19. FazzerPorscheman

    FazzerPorscheman F1 World Champ

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    Not soon enough!
     
    FazzerPorscheman, Apr 18, 2012
    #1594
  20. FazzerPorscheman

    FazzerPorscheman F1 World Champ

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    A Cucumber and a Pickle were having a conversation.

    The Pickle said to the Cucumber, "I got it bad Man, every time I get big, fat and juicy I get seasoned and put in a jar."

    The Cucumber said to the Pickle, "Well, every time I get big, fat and juicy I get chopped up and put in a salad."

    The Penis walks by, overhears them and says, "I got it worse than both of you. When I get big, fat and juicy I get put in a dark, smelly room and made to do push-ups till I throw up.". :)
     
    FazzerPorscheman, Apr 18, 2012
    #1595
  21. Aircon

    Aircon Ten Time F1 World Champ BANNED

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    I don't get it...please explain
     
    Aircon, Apr 18, 2012
    #1596
  22. greg246

    greg246 Two Time F1 World Champ Owner Silver Subscribed

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    greg246, Apr 18, 2012
    #1597
  23. Aircon

    Aircon Ten Time F1 World Champ BANNED

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    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 7, 2017
    Aircon, Apr 18, 2012
    #1598
  24. Horse

    Horse Three Time F1 World Champ Owner Silver Subscribed

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    RP being a bit tight with you? ;)
     
    Horse, Apr 18, 2012
    #1599
  25. Horse

    Horse Three Time F1 World Champ Owner Silver Subscribed

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    Horse, Apr 19, 2012
    #1600
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